You know, we tried to help.

We tried to provide access to healthcare. We tried to preserve inexpensive access to higher education. We tried to keep unions strong. We tried to keep you in your house.

We tried to help you survive.

We tried. We really tried.

But you didn’t listen. You voted for liars who wanted to line the pockets of their wealthy masters. You voted for warmongers who stuff your kids in tanks with cheap armor. You voted for hustlers who praise Jesus from the Cadillacs you paid for.

We tried to help. But you were really, really stupid.

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Salt Lake City nurse and hero of the Republic Alex Wubbels may well have prevented Utah state and Salt Lake City cops from apparently attempting to slur the character or frame the victim of a car-and-truck crash precipitated by Utah Highway Patrol’s provocation of a high-speed car chase with the loser of the hour on July 26.

Wubbels mild and plain-spoken heroism exposed her to a violent assault and unlawful detainment by an apparently intriguing police officer on July 26 apparently attempting to set up an evidentiary framework to prove that the victim of the car crash bore some or all liability for the injuries in the crash their recklessness precipitated.

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One of the more fascinating issues to arise out of the fascinating UK election is what’s known as — thanks to Jeremy Corbyn’s clever branding — the “Dementia Tax”. This was a plan by Prime Minister Theresa May to, as the Murdoch-owned Sun put it, “ask wealthier pensioners to pay a little extra for their care to protect the poor”.

It didn’t go down well. Under the original plan, “pensioners would pay for residential care or help in their own home from their homes, with their last £100,000 protected.” Meaning: The government wouldn’t help until you’ve drained your savings down to a mere six digits.

Imagine! Only $125,000 left to your name!

Actually, we don’t have to imagine it. We’ve been dealing with it the past year.

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DUCKY! DUCKY! Did you see that headline? Oh, FUCK! DUCKY! they hate me, DUCKY! THEY HATE ME! How can that be? Booohooobooooohoooo!

Insane Kremlin chew toy Queen FUCKFACE! von CLOWNSTICK! is overwhelmed with depression by the fact that everyone in the universe understands what a twisted treasonous, pathetic piece of owned shit he is and righteously wants him to just go and fucking throw himself off of the 14th Street bridge.

The Washington Post reported this week,  “The media clearly matters to Trump, however. And Trump’s penchant for holding grudges seems to be sucking whatever joy should come with winning the ultimate prize.”

HA!

HA! HA!

HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

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How can the Democrats live with themselves and call themselves AMERICA!ns after refusing to hunt down the sick, the infirm, the aged and stuff Gatling guns in their guts, firing and shouting praises to FREE!dom as their intestines fly out their backs in the name of shareholder value, exactly as the Founding Fathers intended?

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We posit plausible scientific theses!
You decide!

The criminally insane whack job that is wandering around the White House in his bathrobe babbling to himself and plotting revenge against everyone in AMERICA! who has refused to publicly swear allegiance to his throne is obviously suffering deep and incurable mental illness.

If CNN reported tomorrow that Precedent von Clownstick was found eating his own arm and laying in his own feces on the floor of the oval office with a greased woodchuck stuck in his ass, no one anywhere would be surprised. Anyone who’s read the newspapers in the last month would shrug.

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Witless goon Fuckface von Clownstick flashes a thumbs up to imaginary admirers while wandering around the West Wing today, randomly shouting commands to his snickering staff and controller, the twisted freak and neonazi Steve Bannon.

Metrosexual trust fund twit Fuckface Von Clownstick will not see 2018 as Precedent because even fascist dictators have to know how to use a bathroom without causing a crisis. In what, 11 days?, Steve Bannon’s chew toy has managed to expose his administration to multiple impeachable train wrecks and turned the US in a pariah state that makes Chuck Taylor’s Liberia look like Monte Carlo.

We are comforted by the fact that there are bigger, more savage and more diabolical assholes in government and industry than even Bannon and his chew toy, all of which are planning on how to dispatch joy boy. The Chicago Tribune reviewed some of the mechanisms that are available for ejecting a terminally incompetent fuckwit like Von Clownstick.

We review and comment on them here for your edification and to proffer talking points that you can provide to your elected representatives in your hourly phone calls to Congress demanding removal of von Clownstick.

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