Horrorshows

State of Play

Far be it from us to stand in the way of the vitriol being heaped on Trumpcare. The vote was finally held, the measure passed, and now everyone who was in a rush to have beers with the President will have to live with the consequences of their action.

You might call that a pre-existing condition for the 2018 election.

But quickly after the vote, both the Washington Examiner and the Times came out with stories about the next steps for the bill: Across the Capitol, and into the trash.

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FLUSHING PRECEDENT FUCKFACE Von CLOWNSTICK: FOUR WAYS TO EJECT STEVE BANNON’S CHEW TOY!

orangutan

Witless goon Fuckface von Clownstick flashes a thumbs up to imaginary admirers while wandering around the West Wing today, randomly shouting commands to his snickering staff and controller, the twisted freak and neonazi Steve Bannon.

Metrosexual trust fund twit Fuckface Von Clownstick will not see 2018 as Precedent because even fascist dictators have to know how to use a bathroom without causing a crisis. In what, 11 days?, Steve Bannon’s chew toy has managed to expose his administration to multiple impeachable train wrecks and turned the US in a pariah state that makes Chuck Taylor’s Liberia look like Monte Carlo.

We are comforted by the fact that there are bigger, more savage and more diabolical assholes in government and industry than even Bannon and his chew toy, all of which are planning on how to dispatch joy boy. The Chicago Tribune reviewed some of the mechanisms that are available for ejecting a terminally incompetent fuckwit like Von Clownstick.

We review and comment on them here for your edification and to proffer talking points that you can provide to your elected representatives in your hourly phone calls to Congress demanding removal of von Clownstick.

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Now I Am Become Death, The Destroyer of Worlds

Which Horseman are you?

Revenge of the Boomers

Why won't you stay dead?

Eight years ago — eight years ago! — we made a Bold Proclamation about a generational shift in American politics:

This fall, we’re taking over the country. The torch has been passed to a new generation, and this time it’s personal. It’s the Barry & Sarah Show, hosted by Jon Stewart, fortysomethings all. Joe and John will have walk-on parts, but they’re both irrelevant to the story. It’s our world now, and you kids will just have to deal with it.

And eight years later, we’re faced with a choice between Hillary Clinton (b.1947) and Donald Trump (b.1946).

What the hell happened?

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Choose Your Own Misadventure!

Second prize is a set of steak knives.

Of the many, many, many metaphors available to us — well, honestly, we can’t choose. There’s the Clown Car, of course, or Stealers Wheel (ask your parents!), or Wigstock, or Usual Suspects, or…

Really, folks: This is so ridiculous, nobody’s even bothering to find Incriminating Corndog Photos yet.

So we throw up our hands and welcome you to our GOP Debate Open Thread/Cleveland Steamer. Word to the wise: If you plan on making Hair Jokes, you’re gonna have a lot of competition.

Je Suis The Passport

Nothing is more offensive than what makes other people laugh.

And nothing has been more instructive about our vaunted free speech than the weaseling response of our hired intelligentsia. Of course it’s offensive. Of course it’s crude. That’s the motherfucking point, you motherfucking pope fucking gay boy fucking cunt licking pussy licking taint licking fucktards.

It’s supposed to make men go chungk in their beer. And hit each other over the head with their mugs. Like the time they all got together to fuck each other’s brothers. (See what I did there? I didn’t say sisters. I am so advanced.) What’s different about the Seth Rogan film that I haven’t seen and have no plans on seeing? Or the porn sites being shut down by our evangelical friends who’ve got nothing better to do with their right hands? What else was Borat? But then ask Salman Rushdie. His account of living under the siege of fundamentalists is instructive for as much as it tells us about the author’s unconscious shutting down as his police guard is shagging his secretary.

Infamy In Our Time

Never forget.