“Sure, understanding today’s complex world of the future is a little like having bees live in your head,” says the Honorable Chester Cadaver. “But, there they are.”

Oh dear, now look what you’ve made us do, we’re opening with Firesign Theatre.

And yet that’s been our state of mind the past three weeks, the three weeks of the shutdown. We’ve been waiting to get our bearings, see where this is going, see what difference it makes when one wing of the Capitol isn’t run by traitors.

We still don’t have a fix. It’s all bees.

Which, truth be told, is an improvement over the past couple years.

Read more »

• The Pope
• Robert Mueller
• The cast of Hamilton

Read more »

Or should we recruit nude models to shoot him into chunks with a spinny gun?

We need to plan ahead now that Pelosi has to figure out how to deliver justice and send Trump to his death in the most humiliating and cruel way possible.

Discuss.

He Hasn’t Quit Yet?
(January 1)

Dear God, He’s Still There
(February 12)

The Best Place to Buy Pikes
(March 21)

Read more »

There’s something extraordinary about how small Donald Trump is. We’re familiar with his vanity, his narcissism, his neediness, but to grasp his tininess, his nothingness, requires a moment where there’s nothing of him to see, and in full view.

That moment happened Wednesday.

What had happened was that Trump backed down. Shown his weakness. Bragged about owning a Wall-triggered government shutdown, then backed off.

And the jackals came for him.

Read more »

We are being told, by people who know much more than we do, not to worry about Friday’s federal-court ruling overturning Obamacare. The judge, a 2007 Bush nominee, was hand-picked for his amenability to the opposition; his ruling contains convoluted reasoning that will surely be overturned by the Fifth Circuit; even the Trump administration is saying it won’t enforce the ruling until appeals are exhausted.

In short, Trust the Process.

We’d like to, but reality jumped that timeline a long time ago. And in this case, there’s a lot that can go haywire.

Because the argument is about the existential nature of something that has no effect.

Read more »

You fucking cunts – I fucking own you! VOTE ANARCHO-TOTALITARIAN OR YOUR LIFE IS OVER!

2020, ZuckFuck gets on TV and tells America, “Vote Zuckfuck for PLENIPOTENTIARY! or the cops and your spouses, bosses and relatives will all know the names of the goats you’re fucking and companies you’re stealing from!”

ZF has figured out how to divine individuals’ votes so no one can hide.

Read more »