The Gaming’s Afoot

It might be useful, before we begin, to recall that the first article of impeachment against Richard Nixon detailed obstruction of justice.

It was useful for us, anyway. Before diving into the second half of the Mueller report — which might have been subtitled “If He Did It” — we wanted to refresh our memory of what an honest impeachment looked like. The dishonest one is more familiar to a contemporary audience, but you really don’t want Ken Starr setting the rules of engagement.

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Ugly Americans

Might as well call it: We’re about to endure one of the ugliest elections in American history.

Granted, we’ve only been around for sixty years of it, so we might be giving undue weight to the present, which, unlike the past, is always uncertain. And granted as well, the 1860 election had certain consequences that we’re not facing. Yet.

Funny thing about the Civil War: It broke out five weeks after Lincoln’s inauguration, and ended—

See, that’s the funny thing. It hasn’t.

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Seven Experiments With Cats

Experiment #1

Methodology: Open the front door.

Result: Cat does not go out. Nor does cat stay in.

Conclusion: Cats are incapable of making up their own damn minds.

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Nobody Knows Anything

So, it’s been a week.

What do we know?

Nothing, really.

We know that William Barr issued a tightly worded letter claiming Robert Mueller found no evidence to support the Trump campaign conspiring with the Russian government, and punting on the question whether Donald Trump’s actions regarding the investigation amount to a legal case for obstruction of justice.

We know that Barr himself is someone a courtroom drama would call a hostile witness, someone whose word is not to be trusted.

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Future Excuses for the Disappearance of the Mueller Report

  • The dog ate it.
  • The shark ate the dog that ate it.
  • Zombie John McCain ate it.

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The Stinque Braquet 2019

It’s that time of year again, and— wait, what year is this? Really? Is he still President?

Jeezus.

Well, since we seem to be stuck in this Timeline for the duration, why not enjoy some Bread & Circuses & Hoops & Armageddon &—

Are you sure he’s still President?

Damn.

Nancy’s not gonna help us out of this one, and Beto’s busy prancing on every tabletop in the room, so we might as well endure the Stinque Braquet, hosted as ever by Braquet Dowager Mellbell.

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Jesus H. Christchurch

The world should be reacting in horror.

It is not.

Not all of it.

And that’s the problem.

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