Things are not going to get better.

It’s not that the problems are too entrenched, it’s that the people are too stupid. Enough of them, anyway. Enough of them to tip the balance in a system that’s already wildly imbalanced in their favor.

We’ve run out of hope.

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  • Oh, god.
  • You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.
  • Not that. Anything but that.

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We take a fancy to this one, because, well, Oregon, particularly southern Oregon, land of hardy crackpots and survivalists. If, like us, you’re from hippieville Eugene, anything south is another country.

So, Central Point dude, father of four, calls the NORAD Santa hotline—

Wait, NORAD has a Santa hotline?

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First we were gonna write about the Department of Justice pulling out of negotiations to compensate migrant families torn apart by one of our more recent crimes against humanity, and then it was gonna be how Omicron shows the ignorant assholes are winning, and then Manchin comes clean about destroying any hope that remains for doing something about anything, and y’know, fuck it. Just, fuck it. We’re all survivalists now.

Filed for future historians, should they exist, whatever the species.

It all started when someone — we don’t know who, perhaps we should, but Internet celebrities come and go so fast these dying days of the Human Era — posted a comparison between Nancy Reagan and Madonna, holding up the former as a role model, and the latter as someone who copped some moves from Robert Mapplethorpe.

No, wait, that’s us. Madonna published a coffee-table book called Sex that was a succès de scandale, the scandal being that there wasn’t much sex in it. Robert Mapplethorpe went for it, sometimes with a bullwhip.

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“All life ends in death”, the Facebook Stranger wrote. “Why live in fear until that time.”

He wrote that in service of the 787,000 Americans who have already died before their time. He wrote that citing a potential five million Americans dead of covid.

Hey, shit happens, y’know.

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