Big Shitpile

War-Torn America

Last fall, before the bottom fell out of America, we surveyed the state of our nation’s rapid decline, and the time it would take to recover.

It was really a survey of our nation’s government. The country as a whole, well, we’d muddle along as always, perhaps worse off than before, but substantially unchanged.

We were adorable in our implicit optimism. As bad as things were, we had no fucking clue how bad they could get.

Saturday night, shots were fired in Louisville.

Read more »

Seven Simple Steps to Protect Yourself from Identity Theft

1. Always use different elaborate passwords when signing up for online accounts.

2. Check your monthly credit-card statements for suspicious purchases.

3. Monitor your FICO score.

4. Don’t access your bank or credit card websites using public wifi.

5. Shred all financial statements.

6. File tax returns as soon as possible.

7. Fuck it, Equifax is just going to leak your name, Social Security number, birthdate, address, and driver’s license anyway, then generously offer one year of credit monitoring for something that will screw up the rest of your life.

Why the Equifax breach is very possibly the worst leak of personal info ever [Ars Technica]

Queen FUCKFACE! von CLOWNSTICK! Depressed That AMERICA! Isn’t Sucking His Dick Hard Enough!

TRUMP IS A PIECE OF SHIT AND AN EMBARRASSMENT TO HUMANITY!

DUCKY! DUCKY! Did you see that headline? Oh, FUCK! DUCKY! they hate me, DUCKY! THEY HATE ME! How can that be? Booohooobooooohoooo!

Insane Kremlin chew toy Queen FUCKFACE! von CLOWNSTICK! is overwhelmed with depression by the fact that everyone in the universe understands what a twisted treasonous, pathetic piece of owned shit he is and righteously wants him to just go and fucking throw himself off of the 14th Street bridge.

The Washington Post reported this week,  “The media clearly matters to Trump, however. And Trump’s penchant for holding grudges seems to be sucking whatever joy should come with winning the ultimate prize.”

HA!

HA! HA!

HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

Read more »

DID RUSSIAN AGENT FUCKFACE Von CLOWNSTICK DIRECT FLYNN TO SUCK OFF THE RUSSIANS AND HIDE THE BLOW JOB FROM PENCE?

TRUMP IS A PIECE OF SHIT AND AN EMBARRASSMENT TO HUMANITY!

DUCKY! DUCKY! Did you see Putincakes?

Per usual the American press gets it completely sideways when confronted by complete and UTTER FUCKING EVIL.

Trumpligula’s first official act as president is to praise a criminally insane Soviet-era communist party psychopath who has gotten control of Kazakhstan where the Trump operation is likely providing laundering services for organized crime.

Then Flynn has a mysterious conversation with a Russian ambassador to assure him of policy changes he can count on under a Trumpligula administration. Reporters are all over themselves pointing out inconsistencies in the statements by Melissa McCarthy impersonator Sean Spicer and insane crack-addled harpy face-biter Kellyann Conway.

Not a month into the Reign of Fuckface, US intelligence agencies are putting the White House on blackout status because the fucking place is so obviously owned by the fucking FSB.

Read more »

Because Austerity is Totes Awesome

Because spending money to put people back to work never accomplished anything …

David Brooks Columns We Never Finished Reading Because He Failed to Execute a Citizen’s Arrest…

Needs more mustache.“Not long ago, I was at a dinner with the chief executive of a large bank.” [NYT]

Things Calvin Coolidge Said Four Years Before the Stock Market Crashed and the Great Depression Began…

“But the business of America is business, as Calvin Coolidge said long ago in an alternative universe…” [Mark Steyn/NRO]