Treason, famously, is the only crime defined in the Constitution. Its conditions are specific: It requires warring against the United States, or — also famously — providing “Aid and Comfort” to its enemies. Only ten convictions exist across our history; half of those involve World War II.

Neither Tokyo Rose nor Axis Sally took up arms against their nation, but their roles as the voices of our enemies — propaganda broadcasters — were sufficient to merit trial and conviction. Their words were deemed as damaging as bullets.

Treason is a crime against a state, and the nation it represents. To commit treason is to undermine the state, to attack the nation, for the benefit of its adversaries.

We call such people traitors.

And right now, traitors are running our country.

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So Joe & Mika said some nasty things about Don, and then Don tweeted some nasty things about Joe & Mika, and then Mika subtweeted a photo about Don’s tiny fingers, and then someone tweeted a photo showing Mika wasn’t a bloody mess, and then Joe suggested he had some tapes about Don’s friends threatening them, and then a magazine said Don’s friends were really Reince and Jared, and fuck, we hadn’t even finished coffee yet.

Just another day in These United States. Welcome to The New Normal.

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We posit plausible scientific theses!
You decide!

The criminally insane whack job that is wandering around the White House in his bathrobe babbling to himself and plotting revenge against everyone in AMERICA! who has refused to publicly swear allegiance to his throne is obviously suffering deep and incurable mental illness.

If CNN reported tomorrow that Precedent von Clownstick was found eating his own arm and laying in his own feces on the floor of the oval office with a greased woodchuck stuck in his ass, no one anywhere would be surprised. Anyone who’s read the newspapers in the last month would shrug.

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Witless goon Fuckface von Clownstick flashes a thumbs up to imaginary admirers while wandering around the West Wing today, randomly shouting commands to his snickering staff and controller, the twisted freak and neonazi Steve Bannon.

Metrosexual trust fund twit Fuckface Von Clownstick will not see 2018 as Precedent because even fascist dictators have to know how to use a bathroom without causing a crisis. In what, 11 days?, Steve Bannon’s chew toy has managed to expose his administration to multiple impeachable train wrecks and turned the US in a pariah state that makes Chuck Taylor’s Liberia look like Monte Carlo.

We are comforted by the fact that there are bigger, more savage and more diabolical assholes in government and industry than even Bannon and his chew toy, all of which are planning on how to dispatch joy boy. The Chicago Tribune reviewed some of the mechanisms that are available for ejecting a terminally incompetent fuckwit like Von Clownstick.

We review and comment on them here for your edification and to proffer talking points that you can provide to your elected representatives in your hourly phone calls to Congress demanding removal of von Clownstick.

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We’re going to make the mistake of deploying one anecdote across sixty million people, but hey, we’re grasping at straws at the moment.

The anecdote is courtesy of Rob Flaherty, formerly a digital-communications hack for the Hillary Clinton campaign. He’s originally from Massachusetts, and Wednesday evening he tweeted this:

Anecdote alert: Guy in a camo hat at my hometown bar talking about how he voted for Trump but is pissed about conflict of interest stuff.

We’re going to presume here that “conflict of interest” did not pass Camo Hat’s lips, since that’s Elite Talk. And we cannot know which bit or bits of news reached the space below said hat, since there are already so many to choose from.

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