TRUMPLIGULA! Enraged That Democrats Defied HIM!, THE! PLENIPOTENTIARY! and Refused To Shoot The Poor and Sick and Themselves In the Face and Repeal Obamacare and Replace It With Tax-Advantaged Firing Squads!

How can the Democrats live with themselves and call themselves AMERICA!ns after refusing to hunt down the sick, the infirm, the aged and stuff Gatling guns in their guts, firing and shouting praises to FREE!dom as their intestines fly out their backs in the name of shareholder value, exactly as the Founding Fathers intended?

Speaking from the White House, the president said the votes were “very close,” and blamed a lack of bipartisan backing.

The brain-damaged trust-fund twit told reporters who showed up to look into rumors that VP Pence was preparing to poison him said, “We had no votes from the Democrats. They weren’t going to give us a single vote, so it’s a very difficult thing to do,” THE! PLENIPOTENTIARY! said. “When they all become civilized and get together, and try and work out a great health care bill for the people of this country, we’re open to it.”

The local TV station in New York, CBS2, pointed out as usual that the fuckface was lying through his dime store teeth. CBS2’s Tony Aiello reported, it was a Republican rift that killed the bill. Moderates and conservatives couldn’t reach a consensus over scaling back Medicaid, reducing mandate coverage, and whether the plan actually reduced premiums. In other words, the Republicans that want to shoot all poor people in face and bury them face down in shallow graves could not muster enough votes to make Christmas come early for them.

Rather than shout “DIE! AMERICA! FUCKING! DIE!” and repealing Medicare, Medicaid and legalizing merciful euthanasia by bartenders, dentists (for those who can afford it) and legally immigrant gardeners (for people so poor they can only hope to be beaten to death with a garden rake by a starving non-documented alien), the GOP pretended to debate their lurid, pornographic bill with four hours of debate on the House floor.

CBS2 New York reported, “When the day started, New York and New Jersey Republicans were evenly divided, with six ready to vote “yes,” six ready to vote “no,” and Long Island’s Peter King and Upstate’s Elise Stefanik officially “undecided.”

“The American Health Care Act is a monumental step towards freedom, choice and individual responsibility in health care,” said Rep. Chris Collins, R-NY.

“Will this bill improve Medicaid? Nope! Will the bill increase the number of Americans with health coverage? Nope! Will it lower costs on the exchanges? Nope!” said Rep. Bill Pascrell, D-NJ.

Trump went on to warn that “Obamacare is exploding” across the country. He predicted the current system will collapse, and Democrats will soon be willing to negotiate.

House Speaker Paul Ryan also held a news conference Friday evening, citing the “growing pains” of a longtime opposition party.

He said he advised the president that pulling the bill would be the best course of action.

“We came really close today, but we came up short,” he said. “I will not sugarcoat this — this is a disappointing day for us. Doing big things is hard.”

“All of us, myself included, we will need time to reflect on how we got to this moment, what we could have done to do it better,” he continued.

Ryan also told reporters Obamacare will remain in place until a new measure is put forward.

“Obamacare is the law of the land. It’s going to remain the law of the land until it’s replaced. We did not have quite the votes to replace this law,” he said. “So yeah, we’re going to be living with Obamacare for the foreseeable future. I don’t know how long it’s going to take us to replace this law.”

Following the announcement, New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo released a statement, which read in part, “this bill appears to be on life support for now – it should be killed once and for all.”

“Republicans leadership may have counted on the complexity of the issue to confuse the debate, but at the end of the day it’s actually quite simple. This Congress tried to play the people of this nation for a fool – they were wrong, and they lost,” the governor said.

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