https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zt_G6Lq9jWQ

Mean Joe’s Coke, Paul Anka’s Kodak theme — Glenn Beck misses the simpler times when we were all united in our love for sentimental product commercials.

We were also united in our hatred for Nixon, our fear of long gas lines, our disgust with the Vietnam War, and an unforgivable attraction to Tony Orlando & Dawn. All that plus wide lapels and bellbottoms!

But we’ll let a YouTube commenter have the last word: “How about you go back to a time before Fox News?”

Having failed in his attempt to escape the country using the cover story of an offshore reality show, Rod Blagojevich has now apparently joined the cast of Donald Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice. NBC won’t confirm, but Blago was seen on the show’s set.

Bonus Sport Douchebag Extra: Darryl Strawberry!

Bret Michaels, Cyndi Lauper Join Celebrity Apprentice [People]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGhIQP801fc

When he wasn’t upchucking, Falcon also told CNN, “We did this for the show.” Some are taking that as proof the whole thing was a hoax, but we’re not confident about his line-reading.

Police to quiz family over ‘balloon boy’ hoax suspicions [AFP/Raw Story]

The Management must again apologize for mentioning Sport and Rush Limbaugh before breakfast, especially since we thought it was safe to ignore both once Limbaugh’s team-buying partners threw him over the gondola.

But alas, the story does not end there. No, friends, the real story is just beginning, a story that can only end with the fall of the Republic and the triumph of cannibal anarchy:

Dittoheads are boycotting the NFL.

How could it come to this? How could the last thread holding our precious union together be unraveled? We begin, as we must, with Rush himself, speaking truth to the power he could not buy:

Read more »

Down in Louisiana, they’re getting serious about defending marriage:

A Louisiana justice of the peace said he refused to issue a marriage license to an interracial couple out of concern for any children the couple might have. Keith Bardwell, justice of the peace in Tangipahoa Parish, says it is his experience that most interracial marriages do not last long.

But don’t go calling Bardwell racist. “I do ceremonies for black couples right here in my house,” he says. “My main concern is for the children.”

And who can disagree? After all, one of them might grow up to be President.

Interracial couple denied marriage license in La. [AP/TPM]

Our fixation with balloons yesterday has taken a bizarre and potentially tragic twist:

A 6-year-old boy climbed into a homemade balloon aircraft in Colorado and floated away Thursday, forcing officials to scramble to figure out how to rescue the boy as the balloon hurtled through the air.

The bizarre scene played out live on television and prompted fears that the flying saucer-shaped balloon would crash with the young child inside. The balloon rotated slowly in the wind, tipping precariously at times.

We’ve been glued to CNN all afternoon: After a two-hour, 50-mile flight, the balloon landed softly — but nobody was found inside. The current working assumption is that the 50-pound boy climbed into a box attached to the balloon, which could only handle a hundred pounds or so of lift. The box would have detached early, but at what height is uncertain.

Extra bonus bizarre points: “His family is known as storm chasers and were featured last October on the show ‘Wife Swap.'”

6-year-old boy floats away in balloon [AP/Photo, KMGH-TV]

Update, 6:09pm: He’s alive! Found at home in the garage…

“All I am trying to be is a young, cool Republican woman for other Republican women,” Psychogeezer spawn Meghan McCain told Politico in April. Perhaps too cool:

Republican firebrand Meghan McCain’s skimpy pajamas have her conservative followers all atwitter, forcing the daughter of failed 2008 presidential candidate Sen. John McCain to apologize for posting a racy photo of her décolletage.

After linking the photo to her Twitter account Wednesday night, some of Meghan’s 60,000 followers didn’t care for the whacking material. She threatened to pull a Miley and quit tweeting, but ultimately decided to “apologize to anyone that was offended by my twitpic.”

Offended? Well, yes, anything that reminds us of Daddy’s pestorking prowess can do that.

Meghan McCain twitter photo backlash leads to apology [Daily News]