“While the campaigns eagerly pursue female voters, there’s something that may raise the chances for both presidential candidates that’s totally out of their control: women’s ovulation cycles.” [CNN]

“The Republican nominee has made a habit of spray tanning before major speeches, debates, interviews, and other events that have a chance of getting wide TV coverage, the source said. He pays for the process out of pocket — sparing his campaign the expense, and the task of masking it on public campaign finance reports…” The Romney campaign denies. [BuzzFeed]

“I’ve struggled with it myself for a long time, but I came to realize that life is that gift from God. And even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is something that God intended to happen.” —Indiana GOP Senate nominee Richard Mourdock, making us devoutly wish that God intends something to happen to him. [TPM]

Radar:

Famed civil rights attorney Gloria Allred will be in a Boston area courtroom Wednesday in an attempt to unseal the sworn testimony given by Republican Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney, in a prior court case…

The emergency hearing will take place at the Norfolk Probate & Family Court in Canton, Massachusetts, and Justice Jennifer Ulwick will oversee the proceedings which will begin at 9 a.m. EST.

Daily Mail:

Donald Trump is to claim that he has unearthed divorce papers of Michelle Obama and the President, according to a respected financial pundit with links to the tycoon.

It is alleged that the eccentric real estate mogul will claim that the documents show the First Lady and the President were at one point in their two decades of marriage seriously considering splitting up.

If you’ve been considering throwing your television out a tenth-floor window, this might be a good moment.

“Horses and bayonets both remain vital parts of the U.S. arsenal.” —Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller, shoveling as fast as it can.

Well, you know, Wally, I got very nervous, you know, and I said: “Well, what is a beehive?” He said: “Well, a beehive is at eight o’clock a hundred strangers come into a room.” And I said: “Yes?” And he said: “Yes, and whatever happens is a beehive.” And I said: “Yes, but what am I supposed to do?” He said: “That’s up to you.”

Horses and Bayonets [Tumblr]

America has spoken: Rowdy debates are a lot more fun than Dignified Discourse On the Pressing Issues of the Day. And as we nuke our popcorn in preparation for tonight’s Preznidential Debate Open Thread/Closed Fists, we have just one thought: An empty chair is no good unless thrown.