Dispatches From Hell

  • Oh, god.
  • You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.
  • Not that. Anything but that.

Read more »

6:00 am: “I got you, babe…”

6:01 am: Throw clockradio against wall, shatter it to pieces. Don’t worry, it’ll be whole again tomorrow.

6:05 am: Coffee!

6:08 am: Christ, he tweeted again.

6:09 am: Retweet from 2013 saying the exact opposite.

Read more »


You run out of things to say after awhile. Anything new, anyway. That thing you’re thinking of saying, you already said it, what, two years ago? Three?

“Donald Trump spent the weekend at one of his resorts after Puerto Rico’s infrastructure was devastated.” We said that almost three years ago. Iowa’s been dark all week. Trump went golfing again.

Here’s something new we can say: It’s not just Brown people any more.

Read more »

Covid deaths in the United States will surpass 150,000 today or tomorrow. At the rate they’re going — and increasing — we will be well past 200,000 by election day.

One hundred days from now.

“How did you go bankrupt?” reads the famous Hemingway quote. “Two ways. Gradually, then suddenly.”

Read more »

In the country of the blind, goes the saying, the one-eyed man is king.

Yeah, no.

It’s a nice saying, as such things go. Concise. You don’t have to be an all-seeing master of the universe. You just need to know more than the stupid monkey next door.

Nice thought. Totally wrong.

Read more »

He Hasn’t Quit Yet?
(January 1)

Dear God, He’s Still There
(February 12)

The Best Place to Buy Pikes
(March 21)

Read more »