Dispatches From Hell

The Republic May Yet Survive

Election night, we were less than, shall we say, hopeful.

“This is really bad,” we explained to a younger friend. “This is really, really bad.” When asked why, we explained that with Republicans controlling everything, there was no brake, no bottom. The trouble they could cause with unrestrained power was endless.

We imagine Republicans thought the same thing. But without the dread.

And make no mistake: There’s some heinous shit going down, particularly with deportations. We have yet to stumble into an active war — nuclear or otherwise — but that’s not without trying. And we hope someone is keeping a list of all the regulations being changed, because they’ll need to be changed back, as soon as the opportunity arises.

But our worst-case fears in the seventy-five days leading up to the Inauguration have not been borne out in the hundred days following. And the reason is the same one that was evident in the week following the Republican convention, the reason we thought we would never reach this moment to begin with:

Donald Trump is a terrible manager.

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Goodbye Civilized Life

Zsa Zsa Gabor died today, and we got to thinking how she was famous for being famous while we were growing up, and that it was sister Eva who starred in the absurdist masterpiece of our youth, and then we wondered whether Arrested Development creator Mitchell Hurwitz was a fan of Green Acres, so we went Googling for references, and then this happened.

We regret the error.

An Atheist’s Confession

“I can’t imagine an atheist version of confession. What would it look like? How would it work, if you don’t think there’s any such thing as sin?”
—Rod Dreher

Forgive me, God Particle, for I have Sinned.

It has been 54 years, seven months, and four days since my last Confession. Not counting that time I mistook you for Hendrix, and spilled the beans about my unhealthy obsession with Sigourney Weaver.

I have touched myself 32,540 times.

Oops. 32,541.

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We Had Her Pegged for a Taylor Swift Type…

Dear Diary: OMG!!!! If I wasn't dead, I'd be TOTALLY into him.“Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber.” —Justin Bieber, signing the guestbook at the Anne Frank House. [WaPo]

In a Stunning Upset, Ann Althouse Wins the Internet With the Stupidest Response Ever…

“Why did Adam, after killing his mother, travel to the school where she worked? Shouldn’t some suspicion fall on the mother? She looks like a victim, but could she and her son have been operating together?” [Althouse]

Perchance to Dream…

CBS Sports on Jovan Belcher’s murder/suicide: “Fantasy Analysis: This is a bizarre and tragic incident and there are plenty of details still left out. The Chiefs will play Carolina Week 13 on Sunday and will do so with a very heavy heart. Belcher was just 25 years old out of West Babylon, N.Y. He attended Maine for college and was a four-year NFL veteran. He had 38 tackles and was not a viable Fantasy IDP option in most formats.” [via @gregokuhara, since deleted]

And, We’re Back

So, how was your Tuesday? Ours didn’t happen. Server crash. Don’t ask.