Fine Whines

Bedbugs & Broomsticks

You’re forgiven — hell, blessed — if you don’t know of Bret Stephens, or all the chatter about him this week. God knows there’s plenty of real shit going down, and Bret Stephens is the least of our troubles, no more consequential than, well, an insect.

But he is, for that reason, a welcome distraction, a moment of comic relief as the world unravels. We’d rather have a standup than a string quartet on the Titanic.

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Go Feck Yourself

“Feckless” is one of those words you may have heard, maybe even used, but haven’t much thought about. If one can be feckless, what is it to have feck?

The part you know reads as expected: useless, incompetent, good for nothing. The part you don’t know is what’s lacking: effect. As for how you get from effect to feck — and thus the absence of effect — well, ask the Scots. We hear they’re good cussers.

As is Samantha Bee.

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The Circle of Life

Donald didn’t like his friends. He didn’t really have any, but he didn’t like them anyway. Donald’s friends were mean to him. They wouldn’t let him do what he wanted.

What Donald wanted to do was get rid of his friends. He wanted them out of his life. Donald wanted new friends, friends who wouldn’t be mean to him, friends who would let him do what he wanted. Donald was always getting rid of his mean friends, and looking for new friends. He didn’t know why it kept happening to him.

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I Can See Clearly Now

You are getting very creepy.

Lost Lake Cafe & Lounge:

We recently had to ask a rude customer to leave because of their insistence on wearing and operating Google Glasses inside the restaurant. So for the record, here’s Our Official Policy on Google Glass:

We kindly ask our customers to refrain from wearing and operating Google Glasses inside Lost Lake. We also ask that you not videotape anyone using any other sort of technology. If you do wear your Google Glasses inside, or film or photograph people without their permission, you will be asked to stop, or leave. And if we ask you to leave, for God’s sake, don’t start yelling about your “rights”. Just shut up and get out before you make things worse.

Adam Ott:

You lost my business and probably dozens of my friends will be boycotting your establishment! Learn how the technology works! What if I wanted to take a picture of my food…. Idiots!

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Professional Neurotics Fulfill Daily Outrage Quota

Cesar Salud!

Cesar Chavez dropped into Our Exceptional Fallen World on this date in 1927, prompting Google to observe his memory with a Doodle, which is the highest honor that can be bestowed on a mortal.

But since today also marks the official observance of the World’s Most Famous Premature Autopsy, well…

  • Twitchy: “While two billion Christians around the world celebrate Easter Sunday on this 31st day of March, Google is using its famous ‘Doodle’ search logo art to mark the birth of left-wing labor leader Cesar Chavez.”
  • Instapundit: “The timing of latest in-your-face politically correct homepage is oddly appropriate. As Dennis Prager has written, ‘You cannot understand the Left if you do not understand that leftism is a religion.’”
  • Malkin: “Put on your shocked faces: Google celebrates Easter by honoring…Cesar Chavez.”
  • Vox Day: “While it is obviously intended as some sort of stupid snub to Christians, Google is only managing to look petty and underline the importance of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.”

Amateurs, all of them. It takes a professional to step up to the plate and reveal the Shocking! Conspiracy! that underlies the abomination:

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One of Them Provides Health Care…

Poker addict William Bennett: “How else can we explain that more young people now favor socialism to capitalism?” [CNN]

It Means You Suck…

Welcome to NRO’s Bitterfest 2012! “The Left is winning, in more than the electoral sense. The Left is winning culturally — psychologically, spiritually, if you will. They control education, the entertainment industry… need I give the whole list? We are talking about some deep matters here, not about simple electioneering. I trust you know what I mean.” [NRO]