Back before we sent a team of Zombie Ninjas to render him to our Black Site, Serolf Divad made some noise with a post showing how conservatives made a wee mistake using the Dow as a measure of Obama’s economic policy — the stock market had just clicked above its Inauguration Day level.

That would be 7486, on March 17.

So conservatives moved the goalposts, saying you really have to start from Election Day 2008, when the Dow closed at 9625.

Fine, fine. Today’s close? 10,015.

Dumb Metrics [Patriot’s Quill, March 18]

After Previously Blaming Obama For Slumping Markets, Boehner Now Downplays Surging Dow [Think Progress]

Hey everybody, it’s bonfire season! Break out the wieners, marshmallows — and Bibles:

A Baptist Church near Asheville, N.C., is hosting a “Halloween book burning” to purge the area of “Satan’s” works, which include all non-King James versions of the Bible, popular books by many religious authors and even country music.

Included in the Amazing Grace Baptist Church’s burn notice is infamous heretic Mother Teresa, who spent her life as one of Christ’s Concubines (so many brides, so little time). Alas, their list of Ungodly Country Music doesn’t include Miley’s Dad, but there’s still time.

Since the event is BYOB, you might check your shelves for Good News for Modern Man, the Evidence Bible, the New International Version Bible, the Green Bible and the Message Bible, which the church considers “Satan’s Bibles.”

Then again, as Texas has witnessed, burning Bibles without crafting joints from the pages is a waste of good rolling paper.

North Carolina church to burn ‘Satan’s books,’ including works of Mother Teresa [Raw Story]

We did our best to ignore yesterday’s amusement over the new GOP website, even though it included such blog-baiting features as Michael Steele doing a Happy Dance on the homepage, and a very special Steele column briefly entitled “What Up?”

Well, dawg, you have our attention now:

“I’m not trying to be an obstructionist here. To the contrary, I’m saying, Can we all get in the room and have a Rodney King moment?”

Near as we can tell, Steele views himself as the Los Angeles cops beating a defenseless man to a pulp. Which, given how Republicans treated Town Halls, seems apt.

Read more »

We apologize for bringing up Sport and Rush Limbaugh before breakfast, but neither shows any sign of going away — especially with the latter threatening an ownership stake in the former.

Rush’s fantasy of introducing the Split Teabag Offense to the St. Louis Rams is spilling beyond the confines of ESPN and AM sportstalk — Al and Jesse have rushed in to grab attention defend the interests of (predominantly black) NFL players, who seem quite capable of defending themselves. And Rush himself is claiming he’s not the racist he’s made out to be — he’s just drawn that way by jealous lefties.

At issue isn’t his ESPN career-ending remark that a black quarterback was getting undue attention because of affirmative action, but something a tad more on the nose:

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It’s been awhile since we noticed a curious similarity between one of our posts and something appearing later at Wonkette. Occam’s Fusion requires allowing for coincidence, especially since everybody’s chasing the same stories with the same frame of mind. Add a go-to Jerry Ford line on a political subject, and you need to be really careful that you’re not mistaking a winning Match Game round for outright theft.

But c’mon — the entire gist of our 2:53 post regurgitated at 3:39? It’s enough to give us, well, nightmares.

Us [Stinque]

Them [Wonkette]

Sarah Palin’s Facebook ghostwriter wishes Magaret Thatcher a happy 84th birthday today. Which is 79 fingers more than The Great O’Reilly Loofah Lawsuit, celebrating its fifth anniversary.

Today’s pop quiz: Palin, Thatcher, or O’Reilly?

vibrators, phone sex, threesomes, masturbation, Caribbean shower fantasies, a Thai sex show, falafel, stewardess trysts, vehicular coupling, and Al Franken

Trick question: All three!

O’Reilly Falafel Suit Turns Five [Smoking Gun]

It ain’t the Public Option — hell, it ain’t even Rapture Insurance — but Michigan Republican Thaddeus McCotter would like to make sure American pets get the quality healthcare denied their owners.

The “Humanity And Pets Partnered through the Years” bill — HAPPY! — spreads the joy with a $3,500 tax break for pet-related expenses.

It’s “as much a health care bill as any,” says Nancy Perry of the Humane Society. “It’s a human health issue to ensure that pets are provided with better care because of the role they play in our families.”

We’re not strangers to blowing the rent on Iams, so we appreciate the sentiment. We’d appreciate it even more if McCotter wasn’t opposed to healthcare reform.

HAPPY Bill Proposes Tax Breaks For Pet Owners [TPM]