Before everyone heads off this holiday weekend to drink copious amounts of beer, incinerate pieces of meat, and set off explosive devices that scare the shit out of dogs, all in celebration of our Founding Fathers such as John Quincy Adams signing the Declaration of Independence, your friends here at Stinque want to remind you to stay safe and to not be an asshole during the celebrations. We have a cautionary tale for you.

A Bay Area man is jailed without bond in the San Mateo County Jail, facing charges of attempted murder, assault with a deadly weapon, making terrorist threats, and resisting arrest after he went nutso at a neighbor’s barbecue on Sunday. At this time it’s unclear whether he was invited to or crashed the party, but that’s beside the point.

Pedro Garcia, 32, went to a neighbor’s barbecue and starting making “inappropriate sexual comments” to a woman at the party.  The host asked Garcia to leave, at which point Garcia raised his shirt, exposing rifle ammo tucked around his waist,* and threatened to shoot everyone.

But that sort of liquor-fueled dick-waving shit could happen at a lot of barbecues. This one gets weirder…

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The insect Micronecta scholtzi is a fascinating creature. Just two millimeters long, it can create a noise magnitudes greater than its size — “comparable to a passing freight train”, according to scientists who have endured it. Males “try to produce a song as loud as possible, potentially scrambling the song of competitors”, we are told. The insect accomplishes this amazing feat by rubbing its extraordinarily tiny penis against its abdomen.

In related news, today is Glenn Beck’s last day on Fox.

Water insect makes record noise with penis [BBC, via LuxMentis]

Our guest columnist is a Seattle-based online retailer that’s been pulling this move on every state that tries to collect sales taxes from it.

To: Stinque
From: Amazon.com Associates Program
Subject: Notice of Contract Termination Due to Potential New California Law
Date: June 29, 2011 12:20:34 PM PDT

Hello,

For well over a decade, the Amazon Associates Program has worked with thousands of California residents. Unfortunately, a potential new law that may be signed by Governor Brown compels us to terminate this program for California-based participants. It specifically imposes the collection of taxes from consumers on sales by online retailers — including but not limited to those referred by California-based marketing affiliates like you — even if those retailers have no physical presence in the state.

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“‘They want to see two girls come together and have a mud wrestling fight, and I am not going to give that to them,’ Bachmann told a voter Wednesday who asked about her relationship with the former Alaska governor.” [CNN]

“John Lennon was a closet Republican, who felt a little embarrassed by his former radicalism, at the time of his death — according to the tragic Beatles star’s last personal assistant.” [Toronto Sun]

• Angry Doves
• Holy Ghost in the Machine
• “I just became the mayor of the Vatican on @foursquare!”

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Should have seen this coming…

Barbara MacEwen, the town clerk in upstate Volney [New York] who is responsible for signing marriage licenses in the town, said she’s morally opposed to same-sex weddings and does not intend to affix her signature to any marriage documents for gay or lesbian couples.

“If there’s any possible way to not do it, legally, then yes, I would not want to put my name on any of those certificates or papers,” MacEwen told POLITICO. “That’s their life, they can do it, but I don’t feel I should be forced into something that’s against my morals and my God.”

MacEwen — who is 75 — is free to resign her post, of course, or not run for her fifth term this fall. But presuming she doesn’t see much business in her sleepy town of 6,200 souls, she might consider reading Leviticus during her down time to ensure that the rest of her behavior doesn’t offend her very picky deity.

N.Y. town clerk: I won’t sign gay wedding license [Politico]

Image: Burnt Sacrifice