Laura Bush on Muntader al-Zaidi:

“If Saddam Hussein had been there, the man wouldn’t have been released. And he probably, you know, would have been executed,” the First Lady said on “Fox News Sunday.”

Damn ingrate Iraqis. They don’t know how good they have it.

Shoe tosser lucky Saddam is outta power, says First Lady Laura Bush [Daily News]

WHEREAS, Israelis and Palestinians are acting like naughty little children, instead of being good little boys and girls; and

WHEREAS, it is evident neither Israelis nor Palestinians listen to their mothers, who have done everything for them —

NOW, THEREFORE, a state of momtial law is declared, effective immediately.  Accordingly, it is ORDERED as follows:

1. Israeli D. Forces is directed to get their butt in here, right now.

2. Notwithstanding Hamas’s claim as to who started it, there shall be no more hitting.

3. Pursuant to Section 307.1 of Regulation C of the Federal Dad Commission, all provisions providing for the turning around of cars are declared fully effective, and shall be strictly enforced in the discretion of the Chair of the Commission — provided that he consults with this office prior to engaging in automotive-reversal maneuvers.

4. This office finds Israelis and Palestinians to be very disappointing.

First it was the banks. Then Fannie and Freddie. Then AIG.  Then Shittybank. Then the automakers. Then the former millionaires created by Bernard Madoff.

And now the Donald Trump contingent wants in:

From the NY Times: A Wish List for Commercial Real Estate

Commercial real estate groups have been meeting with members of Congress, the Federal Reserve, the Treasury, the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation as well as Mr. Obama’s transition team, to press their case. And they say they have a compelling one.

Read more »

Title: Ted, White, and Blue: The Nugent Manifesto

Author: Ted Nugent

Rank: 655

Blurb: “In his trademark unapologetic style, Nugent will praise God, guns, and red-blooded, full-throated Americanism against pantywaist politicians, nanny-state judges, and tofu-eating Obamamaniacs.”

Review: “Yet another chest-thumping screed from a guy who made damn sure he wasn’t in the line of fire during his draftable days.”

Read more »

Bristol’s bastard is now a week late, and the relation of the Devirgin Birth to local supernatural events can no longer be easily dismissed.

First the Talibunny Tabernacle spontaneously combusted. Then the 25-foot pagan god Snowzilla mysteriously appeared in Anchorage. And now an army of Snowzilla’s zombie offspring have surrounded Anchorage City Hall, demanding the sacrifice of the Golden Grandchild else they pelt passersby with coal.

Read more »

Whadya get? Whadya get? Whadya get?

War on Christmas Jam [Flickr]

Can you spot the missing detail?

1. Return home after drinking.

2. Commence oral sex.

3. Start hitting each other.

4. Call the police.

Sharp-eyed readers will have immediately noticed the gap between #2 and #3:

But moments later as Bowers and her spouse, Delou, engaged in the act, she began biting down hard enough that Delou Bowers asked her to stop, the report says. When she refused, Delou Bowers started punching Charris Bowers in the head and face until she finally let go.

And there you have it: She bit his johnson because she didn’t want to have sex. Thanks for playing!

Biting during oral sex results in battery charge [Daytona Beach News-Journal]