WHEREAS, Israelis and Palestinians are acting like naughty little children, instead of being good little boys and girls; and

WHEREAS, it is evident neither Israelis nor Palestinians listen to their mothers, who have done everything for them —

NOW, THEREFORE, a state of momtial law is declared, effective immediately.  Accordingly, it is ORDERED as follows:

1. Israeli D. Forces is directed to get their butt in here, right now.

2. Notwithstanding Hamas’s claim as to who started it, there shall be no more hitting.

3. Pursuant to Section 307.1 of Regulation C of the Federal Dad Commission, all provisions providing for the turning around of cars are declared fully effective, and shall be strictly enforced in the discretion of the Chair of the Commission — provided that he consults with this office prior to engaging in automotive-reversal maneuvers.

4. This office finds Israelis and Palestinians to be very disappointing.


Better yet, send the IDF to my room.

why am i always flying into chaos? why? why?
have been reading the jerusalem post. some decent bloggers over there too. and a 23 year old sweet beautiful girl i know is a commander at the front right now.
what is there to say? oy vey es mir.

@baked: I am really, really concerned for you. Stinquer safe houses await you and the furbabies if needed.

I’m worried about Baked, and not just because the hot Israeli IDF guys will all be otherwise occupied on another damnfool adventure. How many people will get blown up this time for nothing? Hey Bibi and buddies — how’d this work out for you last time in Lebanon? This is what Hamas wants, you dumbfucks, and you’re letting them take you to the hoop, again.

@Mistress Cynica:
thanks cyn. we aren’t scheduled to leave til january 25th, so i’m watching this veeeery carefully.
the politics in israel are very divided. i like CB’s post.
these are stubborn hardened children, both sides. there is no answer, no co-operation. they want israel gone and every jew dead. and israel will take just so much shit before they retaliate. hammas has been lobbing those rockets for what, a year? negotiations are impossible, then israel finally retaliates and they look like the bad guys.
these are all just people. people who have friends and family and traditions. both sides. i don’t get it. btw, many many arabs are israeli citizens, and i met some delightful ones over there. just.don’t.get.it.

hey dodge,
that was my initial reaction too. but what is the answer?
who knows what we would think if we heard the hamas rockets every day? we are outside looking in. how long do you let someone hit you before you hit back?

how about iran smuggling weapons through the egyption gaza border, allowing a military base.
rat, who has spent a lot of time and talk there, is of the opinion israel should have started bombing 3 months ago.
iran did the same exact thing sending weapons to hezbola in lebanon.
i think tehran oughta duck.

@baked: Yes, I am sure Israel dropping bombs everywhere is going to turn out GREAT for everyone!

oooh oooh oooh—rat is reading this and giving me inside info.
he’s connected, and i believe this. israel has been ready for a year to attack iran–without american approval or assistance. they are ready, practicing for years. there will never be a permanent cease fire and it’s folly to keep fucking with the IDF.

when is retaliation called for? i say never, but for some strange reason israel is determined not to be exterminated. imagine that.

May I just say that the Israeli foreign minister is waaayyyyy more gorgeous than either Condi or the Hillbot?

cubbie, both of your ‘ments are very funny. i need funny.

this news is making me sick. on so many levels. i weep for humanity.
this whole fucking species is a monumental mistake of nature.
i’m going to have the vapors now and take a pill. and wish that mel brooks is trying to find a way to make this into a musical comedy.

@baked: Well, I am sure attacking Iran will make that whole ‘threat of extermination’ thing all better. I for one who am sensitive to reading about violence in the news am not really looking forward to the fourth intifada and reading about kids getting blown up in pizza parlors and on buses. But I am also not particularly happy reading about massive air strikes by powerful nation-states. I am too soft and naive to live on this planet.

@baked: And you know I love you, and wish I could join you for a pill. Mr. HF and I just finished watching the first season of ‘Weeds’, and I am thinking some sticky-icky would be nice about now.

i am too. soft, empathetic, trusting…hurts us.
i so-o wish i could pass this to you right now…….
are you madly in love with justin kirk? i am.

@baked: I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I don’t think that strategic bombing has ever worked in any war, with the the possible exception of the atomic bombs dropped on Japan. The Israeli response is grossly disproportionate to the damage the Hamas rockets have done. Killing a bunch of policemen isn’t going to break Hamas’ will. And I think this is what Hamas wants to make itself important again.

@Dodgerblue: Add to that the horrible photos of dead and injured children, and Hamas gets the sympathy it wants, while no one has any idea about the rocket attacks. I absolutely support Israel’s right to exist, but I think the Palestinians deserve a homeland too. They all seem determined not to give an inch, and to go on killing each other. Nothing anyone says or does seems to make the slightest difference. It is too unspeakably depressing. And now baked has to go and move there so I have to obsessively check the news about it and live in fear of her getting blown up. Thanks a lot, babe.

@Mistress Cynica: @Dodgerblue:
“unspeakably depressing, nothing makes the slightest difference”

same day, different dead. no answer.

i won’t go if the violence escalates and it truly is a danger.

@baked: I think you’re right that Israel will take out the Iranian nuke facilities. Those will be some tense days. Some promised land, eh?

I was listening to the Beeb radio news this afternoon and it was such a litany of bad news and horror shows – bombing Gaza to smithereens, some suicide bomber in Pakistan who blew up his car outside a school and police station, and I thought to myself, “All of this shit is because of religion.” How many millions and millions of people in this world have been killed because of their fucking religion? I do not understand the hatred of another simply because they pray to a different god than you. And I hear about places – not just the Middle East – think Serbia, Afghanistan, etc. – where the hatred goes back for hundreds of fucking years. Get over it! Everyone stop!

@baked: Please don’t go if it gets more dangerous.

@SanFranLefty: I will abso-FUCKING-lutely drink to that! We will need to work that in to our inauguration festivities.

TJ: Speaking of war, I’m about to get into one on Facebook with someone (no, none of y’all); all spellings are sic:

Status: [REDACTED] thinks that Rev. Warren leading prayer at the inaguration is a possible glimpse at pending unity.

Cub Response: Sorry, [REDACTED]. There can be no unity with someone who compares you to pedophiles.

Other Response: Or, it could be a sign of the new administration’s willingness to throw the LGBT community under the bus when it is politically expedient.

[REDACTED]’s Response: It does hurt. Don’t get me wrong.

However, you can’t completely knock folks from the table. Warren has a big following and when you completely accuse Warren of being wrong you may be communicating to his suporters that they are wrong. Who likes to be accused?

It’s imporant to point out false statements, but to tell someone that they have no right to be participatory is not American.

We need everyone at the table in hopes of educating one another about our differences and similarities. With as many problems as we currently face and pending challenges-equality is one of them-we need as many Americans on board as possible. It requires a new kind of politics.

Ahh, the brave new world of Facebook. I’ve gotten into several political fights there this past year — usually arguing with other people who aren’t my direct friends. I am soo sooo sooooo fighting the urge to continue the argument, not to mention lash out in regards to spelling and the phrase “to be participatory.”

[/venting off]

it’s the frank gorshin episode of star trek where the people of a planet were half blue and half white. the people who were blue on their right side hated the guts of the people blue on their left. and vice versa. murderous hatred. the stupidity of cruelty and aggression toward your neighbors on a small planet.
same same same
and jeebus has been spinning like a top in his grave since the crusades.

@rptrcub: Trust me honey, it could be worse. Just follow some of Flippin’s threads from time to time. At least this person is warm and fuzzy and inclusive instead of OBAMA WON’T SAY THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE!!!!!1!! Trust me on this one, take a deep breath and step away from teh Facebooks.

@baked: It’s the Sneetches, but who’s gonna sell them a star-off machine?

@homofascist: Instead, I’ve decided to look at Cute Overload for a while, and a video of Knut the polar bear as a cub.

@rptrcub: That kitty in the cast is too much! And the dog trying to walk on ice…

Never get in a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

Oh, and P.S., thanks for giving me another reason to not get on Facebook, although I understand I could throw things at you if I got on.

@homofascist: @rptrcub:

That splattering sound you heard was my head exploding thanks to this adorable puppy.

@rptrcub: @homofascist: What homofascist says is truth. He’s bloodied his hands a few times taking on my republitard friends and family. Too bad my dear sister may notice if I unfriend her. Facebook: The Brave New World.

@SanFranLefty: It depends on the level of “friend” that you have. If it’s someone who’s become a friend of a friend, then it’s no big whoop to defriend them (they most likely won’t notice). Arguments can start on the statuses of people that you do know — but one often argues, in that situation, with people you don’t know or haven’t “friended” in the system, with the actual friend being the proverbial brother caught sitting in the back seat of the sedan between Sister Susie and Brother Bob as they reach across him to fight with one another

I bet you’re totally completely confused by now.

@baked: Hamas in Gaza is not gonna exterminate Israel with their pathetic rockets, whats the death toll so far, of Israelis hit by those rockets? 10? No, what Hamas has been doing is trying to goad Israel into some over-the-top retaliation that will motivate some Arab nation to get involved. Sometimes, retaliation is exactly what your enemy wants.

Or, Israel wants to hit Iran so bad, they are hitting Gaza in hopes of goading Iran into making a threat that justifies the attack on Iran, again, sometimes retaliation by your enemy is what you want, so you can over-retaliate in return.

I think Israel is on the wrong path, Likkud is as warlike as Bush, they see bombs as the solution to all. Israel does not have to do this kind of thing to ensure their survival, they have the US to ensure their survival, what they are doing is using US protection to use targeted warmaking as an instrument of foreign policy, if they don’t like the politics in Lebanon, they attack Lebanon and try to take out the faction they don’t like. Right now, these air attacks are targeted at Hamas leaders and institutions.

The US position should be “you use diplomacy and peaceful means to find some truce with the Arabs, we will guarantee your survival.” But whats happening is Israel is using the US guarantee of support and protection to cover their aggressive tactics, so they can do this sort of thing with impunity, whether warranted or not.

Its all retaliation, the arabs retaliate against the Israelis, the Israelis retaliate against the arabs, so it goes, on and on and on. Someone has to stop retaliating for the sycle to stop, and the stronger party is the one in the position to do so, and thats Israel.

And of course, we were stirred into the desired retaliation for 9-11, which was itself retaliation for supporting Israel, and on and on it goes and we are caught in it now, too. A fucking mess.

Now I am going to make one more observation. There is this meme, “The palestinians are savages, they did not make the land produce, the Israelis made the desert bloom, why don’t they do something productive in their territories instead of this constant war, etc.”

Has anyone ever noticed that this is exactly the same justification used for the european displacement of the native americans? They were savages, they did not use the land, make it produce, blah blah blah.” Asking why the palestinians in their “territories” have not improved their situation is exactly the same as asking why the Native Americans on their reservations did not improve their situation, why the blacks in South Africa’s Townships did not improve their situation.

Here’s an idea, declare a “right of return” for palestinians. Let them, any who want, return to Israel and have full citizenship, make no distinction between them and jews?

@flippin eck:

I unfriended my sister IRL for a litany of reasons that I don’t want to go into (her being a homophobic hate-filled bigot is the least of them), so we would never be friends in the virtual world.

@rptrcub: Warren doesn’t belong at the table. Neither did Himmler.

@Promnight: Amen.
Prommie for Secretary of State! After Hillary gets caught in bed with Rev Warren. You heard it here first!

@Dodgerblue: It’s hard to be seated next to someone who wants to, in their heart of hearts, deny you your existence. On the meta-level, too. (See?! It wasn’t a threadjack after all!)

all good observations. would love the ability to kick some thoughts back at ya, but at this level of intoxication all i can say is:
they’re ALL fucked up. the world is freaking me out.
i’m crawling under the covers now.

@baked: Not everyone is fucked up. We kicked out the neocons here in the States, now you go to Israel and kick out Likkud, you hear? You can read the same things I said in the editorial pages of Haaretz every day, written by members of the current minority party in Israel. I know, the Palestinians will continue to be led by maniacs, but you know, they flock behind the maniacs because they feel besieged, hopeless, and threatened themselves. A different tone from the Israelis would alter the politics among the Palestinians.

In mediterranean cultures, there is this “honor” thing, its like machismo plus, and it leads to “honor-fueds” that go on forever, retaliation for retaliation for retaliation, for thousands of years.

Some have said that the only real new idea presented by Jesus was “turn the other cheek.” Its the only way to stop the cycle, someone has to finally say, “I am not going to retaliate.”

we “retaliated” against iraq for 9/11 (?)
look how well that turned out.

i will kick him out! i’ll be able to vote!!


Can I haz photos of Israeli foreign minister? kthxbai

@nabisco: A Sneetches reference? Did Mom have twins and give one of us away?

@exodus: Is the Wall still up? The illegal settlements? The umpteen checkpoints? I know there are no innocents on either side, but one side actually has the power to make peace happen, and is dead set against using it.

@rptrcub: We need everyone at the table in hopes of educating one another about our differences and similarities.

“I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats.”

Haaretz says planning for this attack has been under way for six months.


@rptrcub: @SanFranLefty:
and those pics don’t do her justice. look for her on see en en
(i’m sure we’ll be seeing a lot of her this week)
total hottie!

there is so much propaganda coming out of the entire region.
secrets and lies. the more i read, the more confused and upset i get.
alex, i’ll take “israel is goading them to justify escalation to take out iran’s nukes for 200 please”

the closest (only!) friends i have in israel are the family i mentioned with the 23 year old uzi instuctor, now commanding at the front have very strong opinions about this. her father, rat’s best friend, is a total hawk. we spent many nights on their gorgeous deck overlooking the city. spectacular house and view among the fig trees. we picked the figs right off the tree to eat without getting up from our chairs, they were magically beautiful summer nights where it seemed peace reigned on earth. but the animated and interesting conversations we had always ended up on this one. he is a fairly high up dude in the IDF and was in two wars. he’s still connected and has been a huge help paving the way for our adventures in dual citizenship.
he says flatly, blow fucking iran off the face of the earth.
a lifelong israeli and one of the sweetest gentlest sensitive caring intelligent funny guys i ever had the pleasure of talking to.
his views are alarming to me. he believes what golda said.
“when the arabs love their children as much as the israeli’s, war will cease. when they recognize our right to exist, when they cease fire, israel will put down their weapons”
in the meantime, seeing where things are heading, blowing up iran seems a good plan to him. what can we know? we haven’t walked in their shoes. we’re arm chair quarterbacking this whole thing.
“WAR! what is it good for? absolutely nuthin’. say it again”

hey kids, re tough israeli chicks.
rats girlfriend has a facebook page! i’m dying to see it, but i can’t friend her without giving her the ability to see mine.

how can i see it? here’s the plan. someone has to unfriend me, then friend her. then copy it to me! who’s up for this little cloak and dagger?
or i should let it go. oh i know i should, but wouldn’t you want to see it if you were me?

Here’s the thing. Iran doesn’t need blowing up.

They’re heading for an economic brick wall at 1000mph thanks to oil tumbling to less than $40 US a barrel. No matter how much they try, there is no way that Jeebus, Allah, Buddha or Shiva is going to save them from economic disaster and all those issues that were papered over with $150 US oil are going to suddenly appear such as:

Kurdish separatism – most of Iran’s oil fields are in ethnic Kurd lands.
Disaffected Youth – most of Iran’s population is young and without prospects.
Mullah Ineffectiveness – seems that the Koran has few if any decent answers to the modern world.

Iran’s overrated as a world boogie man. Iran’s industrial output is pretty bad. They don’t make their own weapons. Their army while brave, hasn’t shown any serious capabilities/innovations. They can play the “Great Game”, but whatever successes they have are mere pinpricks to what Israel can do and has shown they can do.

what can we know? however much we inform ourselves, i’m betting The Most Serious Intelligence Agency On Earth knows more.
maybe iran is planning to nuke israel?

back to CB’s post. let’s call in nanny jo and put all of ’em in the naughty chair til they all learn to play nice. she does wonders, and hell, no one else has had any luck with these brats.

ground war now underway. FUCK.

@baked: Darling, re rat friend Facebook: do what the rest of the world does. Join as someone else. Shocking I know. Open a gmail (eg) account as, say, Spermy Goodness, then go to Facebook and enter a bunch of false info. Then go to her page. No?

thank you my dearest for understanding my immature obsessive sophmoric masochistic need to see that page!

i thought of that, but then it would involve creating friends i don’t know, seems a hassle. i’m not THAT curious. but pert near.
i plugged her name into the search box and got to see a pic.
she’s pretty, duh. i don’t know if this makes me feel better or worse.
know what i mean?

Iran defeated Alexander the Great, Iran destroyed the Roman Empire (european barbarians just seized an opportunity after Rome shifted all of its forces to fight Iran and had two emporers captured by the Persians). Iran is what they are talking about when they say “Never get involved in a land war in Asia.”

Actually, Alex was the only one who conquered the Persians and he was just playing tourist!

@baked: I understand your curiosity but I’m wondering if there’s an upside to it. All it can do is make you feel worse. Were I in your position I would want to know as little as possible. But then I’m English and have a genetic ability to ignore whatever suits me. Goes along with whispering in restaurants. Might not work for you.

However, if you want some imaginary friends, Oscar Hammerstein at your service.

@ManchuCandidate: Temporarily, but they regrouped and kicked out his satrap right quick.

baked: and those pics don’t do her justice. look for her on see en en (i’m sure we’ll be seeing a lot of her this week) — total hottie!

I respectfully dissent. Tzipi Livni is marginally cute. But if you liked the War on Terra, you’ll totally crush on the War on Terwuh, as she insists upon calling whatever the hell it is that Israel is doing right now. And the whole escalation thing — right before an election, yet? That’s on my list of turn-offs. DO NOT WANT.

@baked: Please don’t do the facebook stalker thing. You’re unlikely to find anything that makes you feel better. Of course, I’m descended from a long line of WASPs, who, like the English, are quite adept at ignoring the unpleasant.

@baked: Will learning what her favorite books and movies are put you at ease? Probably not. The things that you may want to know about her are not of the type to be found on a facebook page.

@chicago bureau:
sad sad sad over all of it.
it was disheartening when 3 out of 4 americans who voted in our election in jerusalem voted for mcNutjob. they have a different perspective that we can’t relate to. i don’t WANT to relate to it.
and so, of course, i agree with you–do.not.want.
i live in my own private world where lennon’s “imagine” is the state of mind i relate to.
i may have some answers or better understanding after some time there before i get blown up.

ya gotta admit, she’s a looker compared to condi or the bot, as cub said.

@mellbell: @Mistress Cynica: @Benedick:
y’all are right. thanks for telling me. i’ve got to work on getting over it.
not look for more trouble to my already troubled mind.

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