Stinque After Dark

Christian Letters to Penthouse

Dear Penthouse,

I never thought I’d be writing you, but the other night I had dinner with a woman who is not my wife. After praising our Lord for His bounty, I asked her to please pass the salt. Our fingers accidentally touched, and the next thing I know she’s shoving the table clean with one sweep of her arm and throwing me down on it, taking my throbbing member into her mouth, and finishing me off like a ladle of gravy. I seek pence for my sins. Er, penance.

Race Bannon

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Pestorking Penguins!

We were planning this long Serious Post about voter suppression and election undermining, stemming from the FBI revelations and trawling Our Exceptional Nation’s long history of resisting the franchise for anyone but White male landowners, how one era’s gains can easily become another era’s setbacks, how that sustained and strong resistance shows how valuable a single vote remains, because there’s so much power and treasure to be gained from it. It was going to be an undeniably compelling piece of writing, sure to go viral as the country suddenly lurched to its senses before election day, and guaranteeing us a parade even bigger than the Broncos.

And then somebody mentioned “penguin sex” in passing on Twitter and we decided life’s too short.

These Untied States

Psychology Today did a state-by-state analysis of Craigslist “Missed Connection” posts and compiled a handy guide to where the missed connections occur most frequently. Who would have thought Wal-Mart was ground zero for cruising?

LA Fitness in Arizona?

[Psychology Today: Final Analysis]

Quentin Tarantino’s Wet Dream

Third nipple found on woman’s foot [Yahoo Oz, via CheapBoy]

Osama bin Bow Wow

We have a sneaking suspicion this is too good to be true — like the wife as human shield — but as they say, print the legend:

A stash of pornography was found in the hideout of Osama bin Laden by the U.S. commandos who killed him, current and former U.S. officials said on Friday.

The pornography recovered in bin Laden’s compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan, consists of modern, electronically recorded video and is fairly extensive, according to the officials, who discussed the discovery with Reuters on condition of anonymity.

Nobody’s claiming Osama himself acquired or watched the porn, nor is it clear where in the compound Team Six found the stash. But it does make sense of the dope garden.

Pornography found in bin Laden hideout: officials [Reuters]

How I Roll on Friday Nights

In Ess Eff, it’s all about the real estate pron. And more so the parking pron. Bonus points for flummoxing the permit/planning guys when you present to them the World’s Coolest Garage Door.

[Beausolieil via CurbedSF]

More Than You Wanted to Know About Blake Farenthold

Let’s get this over with…

Multiple-chin enthusiast Blake Farenthold defeated 28-year congressgritter Solomon Ortiz last fall in the Texas 27th. But not before Ortiz made merry with a photo of Farenthold in his jammies with Corpus Christi’s “Crush Girls”, who describe themselves as “ambassadors to the community [who] actively contribute as volunteers for nonprofit/charitable activities and events.”

The San Antonio Express-News called the play last October:

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