“A new Arbitron report shows Rush Limbaugh’s ratings down 33% from a year ago and Sean Hannitty down 28% over the same time period. Meanwhile, more centrist personalities — Don Imus in the morning and John Batchelor at night — were both up from a year earlier.” [Political Wire]

“Bristol Palin — the teen mother whose turbulent relationship with her son’s father has added a soap-opera subplot to her mother Sarah’s political career — will speak Sept. 8 on behalf of a home for single mothers in Louisville. Palin, 19, will receive $14,000 to speak at a benefit at the Louisville Marriot Downtown.” [Louisville Courier-Journal, via Political Wire]

Jesus Christ, woman, if you want to keep your kids out of the public eye, keep them out of the public eye:

Bristol Palin, arguably the most famous teen mother in America, will make her acting debut playing herself on ABC Family’s “The Secret Life of the American Teenager,” the network announced today.

“I am thrilled to be on this show and to be part of a program that educates teens and young adults about the consequences of teen pregnancy,” Palin said in a statement.

Oh, we bet she’s thrilled. Just like any 19-year-old would be, whose mother keeps subjecting her to national ridicule.

Bristol Palin Makes Acting Debut as Teen Mom [ABC, via Raw Story]

Schlong-Crazed Gay Bathroom Sex Buccaneer Larry Craig Gives Up Trying to Prove He Doesn't Gobble Schlong Anonymously in Bathrooms

The legendary Republican gay bathroom sex buccaneer, former Idaho Senator Larry Craig, has given up his legal attempts to prove he is not a schlong-gobbling gay bathroom sex buccaneer, much to the disappointment of those enemies of hypocrisy who enjoyed seeing this avowed opponent of legalized same-sex marriage denying over and over again in court that he does not wander around airport men’s rooms begging men to stuff their schlongs into his gaping, eager maw.

The Associated Press reported Thursday that the bathroom sex buccaneer from Idaho had “decided to abandon his effort to overturn his 2007 guilty plea to charges connected with a sex sting in the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport.” Read more »

It’s a spawn of Satan destined to rule the Earth as mortals beg for the sweet release of death boy!

Bristol Palin Welcomes a Son [People]

Bristol’s bastard is now a week late, and the relation of the Devirgin Birth to local supernatural events can no longer be easily dismissed.

First the Talibunny Tabernacle spontaneously combusted. Then the 25-foot pagan god Snowzilla mysteriously appeared in Anchorage. And now an army of Snowzilla’s zombie offspring have surrounded Anchorage City Hall, demanding the sacrifice of the Golden Grandchild else they pelt passersby with coal.

Read more »

We’re still waiting for Bristol’s bastard to drop, but an ominous portent has appeared in Anchorage: Snowzilla, a 25-foot harbinger of doom.

Read more »