Schlong Gobbling Senator Larry Craig Drops Appeal to Reverse Plea in Bathroom Man-Sex Soliciting Case
Schlong-Crazed Gay Bathroom Sex Buccaneer Larry Craig Gives Up Trying to Prove He Doesn't Gobble Schlong Anonymously in Bathrooms
The legendary Republican gay bathroom sex buccaneer, former Idaho Senator Larry Craig, has given up his legal attempts to prove he is not a schlong-gobbling gay bathroom sex buccaneer, much to the disappointment of those enemies of hypocrisy who enjoyed seeing this avowed opponent of legalized same-sex marriage denying over and over again in court that he does not wander around airport men’s rooms begging men to stuff their schlongs into his gaping, eager maw.
The Associated Press reported Thursday that the bathroom sex buccaneer from Idaho had “decided to abandon his effort to overturn his 2007 guilty plea to charges connected with a sex sting in the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport.”
The former senator and his legal team surmised, correctly, that reversing his guilty plea to June 11, 2007 charges for attempted solicitation of schlong from an undercover police officer who arrested him in a Minnesota airport restroom would prove futile and would only serve to provide hilarity to his enemies.
“We’ve concluded that the Supreme Court would not accept this for review,” Kelly told the Associated Press.
The news was met with near despair at Stinque’s editorial offices, as the Senator (R – Last Stall on the Right) was an iconographic figure, the closeted, homosexual fascist hypocrite and same-sex marriage opponent who appeared destined to offer comic self-parody for the rest of his otherwise worthless and useless life.
As soon as the story broke, seemingly thousands of guys jumped out of the woodwork claiming to have had sex with Larry Craig or to have been stalked by the insatiable gay satyre as he cruised gay bars, bathrooms and even retailers. It seemed as if a guy could not go out and buy a pair of sneakers without Craig popping up and begging to gobble his schlong.
Craig apparently will be receiving a pension of around $100,000 a year for his career of evil in the Senate and he has opened some kind of consulting practice, no doubt whoring his contacts in government and possibly leveraging blackmail-quality inside info on closeted legislators for his clients.
Now when he is caught gobbling schlong next to the urinals in the Union Station men’s room, he’ll be written up as just another K Street bathroom goblin. Will the Senate ever offer as much hilarity ever again?
blogenfreude adds:
So, is it safe to go out and buy sneakers along the Bo-Wash corridor? Cause I’m running on cardboard flats at this point….
WTF is it with holding up the seating of the sad sack, but apparently adorable Smurf Roland Burris but not having the stones to have kicked Craig out on his closeted-and-in-public-denial ass?