https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9glc6ZzC

Update: Think Progress retracts its characterization of Shields’ comments, which means we have to retract and apologize for our vicious caricature. Darn.

Speaking from the comfort of a DC television studio, Mark Shields pines for a President who waves his member at the world without shame:

It makes me nostalgic for those days when we had a manly man in the White House who could say, “Let’s kick some tail and ask questions afterwards” you know? That’s what we really need instead of any reflection.

We’re sure the families of the 4,363 soldiers killed in Iraq would totally agree with him.

Shields: I’m ‘Nostalgic’ For A ‘Manly Man’ President Who Will ‘Kick Some Tail And Ask Questions Afterwards’ [Think Progress]

Update: Think Progress regrets, as do we:

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As if today’s testicle-shriveling event wasn’t enough to fret about, from China comes news of another ball-buster that’s certain to haunt the dreams of at least half our readership:

Bisphenol-A (BPA), a chemical found in hard, clear plastic used to make everything from baby bottles to food packaging, may increase the risk of erectile dysfunction…

Among the men who work with BPA, the risk of having difficulty ejaculating was seven times greater than it was among the non-exposed group, and the risk of erectile problems was more than four times greater.

So: a chemical found in a wide range of consumer products creates a health problem that can be solved with another wide range of consumer products.

And the Circle of Capitalism remains unbroken.

Study Links BPA in Plastics to Erectile Dysfunction [Health.com, via Harry Shearer]

Left: President Obama bows for Japanese Emperor Akihito, a gesture of respect setting off yet another firestorm among wingnuts.

Right: President Bush demonstrates the proper way to honor Japanese hosts.

How low will he go? Obama gives Japan’s Emperor Akihito a wow bow [LAT]

There’s something heartwarming in the notion that, forty years after Woodstock, authority figures still get uptight over hair:

Dustin Reader, an eighth-grader at Garfield Middle School, received an in-school suspension Monday because of a haircut he received over the weekend in honor of the Cincinnati Bengals.

His barber, Chris Campbell of the B Street barbershop Razor Sharp, cut Bengal stripes on the sides of Reader’s head and a large capital B on the back to resemble the team’s helmet, and on Sunday, he colored his head and scalp to match for the game. The colors were washed out for school on Monday, according to his parents, but he barely got off his bicycle at Garfield when he was sent to his principal’s office.

This isn’t Dustin’s first run-in with The Man. He’s also flaunted such anti-authoritarian hair carvings as a rose, a spiral, and “LOST” — known symbols for socialism, anarchy, and crappy second seasons. Personally, we think the only solution is school uniforms and shaved heads.

For the administrators, anyway. The kids can do whatever the hell they want.

Student suspended over ‘Who Dey’ haircut? [Hamilton Journal-News]

Title: “Going Rogue: An American Life”

Author: Attributed to Sarah Palin

Rank: 1

Blurb: “In this eagerly anticipated memoir, Palin paints an intimate portrait of growing up in the wilds of Alaska; meeting her lifelong love; her decision to enter politics; the importance of faith and family; and the unique joys and trials of life as a high-profile working mother. She also opens up for the first time about the 2008 presidential race, providing a rare, mom’s-eye view of high-stakes national politics — from patriots dedicated to ‘Country First’ to slick politicos bent on winning at any cost.”

Customer Tags: keeping america stupid, quitter, sea of pee, premarital sex, idiocracy, narcissistic personality disorder, epic fail, pig vomit, waste of a good tree, book to nowhere, clown car, 15 minutes are up, conservative blowup doll, english as a second language, novelty toilet paper, queen of the crackpots, shallow end of the gene pool, i can see her career dying from my house

Customers Also Bought: “Sarah Palin 2012 You Betcha! Button”

Footnote: Available Tuesday. You can run, but you can’t hide.

Going Rogue [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon kickback link]

We don’t like to admit breaking a sweat, but last night we spent a couple of hours working up a deliciously vituperative post about what appeared to be a soldier-exploiting scheme to sell books. It was so vituperative that we triple-checked facts to make sure our premise wasn’t wildly off the mark.

And wouldn’t you know, just as we were ready to click Publish — we finally found the crucial fact that undermined everything.

But while the post’s villain (hello, WND!) must await another opportunity, the post’s hero doesn’t deserve to be buried in our frustration.

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If you’re ever stuck with jury duty, you could do a lot worse than sit as peers in judgment of The Case of the Perstreperous Pestorking:

A British woman has lost her appeal against a ban on her noisy sex sessions, after a court heard how her marathon romps that kept neighbours awake sounded like someone being murdered.

Caroline and Steve Cartwright’s “howling” lovemaking sounded “unnatural”, “hysterical” and “like they are both in considerable pain”, Newcastle Crown Court in north-east England heard.

A 10-minute recording of their sex sessions was played in court, which also heard how she tried covering her face with a pillow to muffle her cries of passion.

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