You know what we could use right now? Kitties. Lots of kitties, running around and playing and discovering their new world and being totally adorable. We could use that, the innocence of kitties, their unbridled joy, the knowledge that not everything is an absolute shambles, the hope that there’s still a future out there when we all survive this mess.

But we don’t have any kitties available at the moment, so we’ll have to settle for basketball.

There’s an enthusiasm in college basketball you won’t find anywhere else, a hothouse of thousands of fans jammed into an arena, the pace of a game turning on a moment, then turning again the next. Find that in a behemoth football stadium.

Or really, find it where you can, because we can all use all the joy we can get in these dark times, and if you’re the kind of person who finds joy in taunting the decrepit prediction skills of friends, then you’ll find joy in the Stinque Braquet, hosted as ever by Braquet Dowager Mellbell.

Read more »

War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength.

And Madness is sanity.

In the years we’ve been promoting this joint, we actually had a Preznident who knew something about the subject — who knew many things about many subjects, which is kinda what you want in a Preznident, or someone near him.

And now we have a failed owner of a failed football team in a failed league, who very likely knows less about Sport than we do, and definitely knows less about everything else.

And you know what? We’re fine with him not caring. This may be the only escape America can enjoy for the duration.

So while Our Exceptional Republic’s leaders are crafting charts showing how quickly they can funnel money to the top of society, you’re invited to once again show the world how quickly you can fall to the bottom of the Stinque Braquet, hosted as always by Braquet Dowager Mellbell.

Read more »

Wait, what? There’s more Sport? We thought Sport came to an end a few weeks ago, when Your Denver Broncos (now Our Denver Broncos, given our recent vertical relocation) won the Super Soaker (or whatever), which was one of those quaint Colorado traditions we thought we could happily ignore until two days later a million fucking people assembled downtown for the express purpose of turning our morning commute into bloody hell.

All the retail high-potency vape pot in the world (or the legally available part of it) won’t make up for that shitstorm.

But since we’re a Socialist Anarchist this year, at least until the convention, political propriety requires us to share the glory and announce our annual Festival of Fail, the Stinque Braquet, hosted again by Braquet Dowager Mellbell, whose beloved Cardinals have already won by refusing to show up.

Read more »

Yes, this is a metaphor. A metaphor for your hopes and dreams, once bursting with excitement and potential, now just… burst.

And as metaphors go, it’s much more restrained than what we were initially considering. But hey, everybody does the Hindenburg. And we think you’ll agree that Oh the Humanity — of my bracket! is a bit much.

Instead, a simple Pfffffft! seems to capture the sentiment.

So get up, dust yourself off, change your shorts, and let’s defy reason again with The Stinque Losers Braquet!

Read more »

Yahoo giveth, and Yahoo taketh away. Looking forward to a new season of Community? Great! Stay tuned! Also looking forward to trashtalking your friends on a convenient service that isn’t owned by a billionaire megalomaniac with a taste for undermining democracy on three continents?

Buzzzz!!! We’re sorry. This year’s March Madness is brought to you by Fox.

But life is compromise, and you’re already enjoying Simpsons and Justified, so we strongly doubt your Existential Karmic Balance is going to be disturbed much by a few weeks of crying Loser! Loser! Loser! at online acquaintances whose guessing skills compare poorly to yours.

Which is why we invite you to join the New! Improved! Morally Compromised! Stinque Braquet, hosted as always by Braquet Queen Mellbell.

Read more »

Okay, these players are not really hotties for today’s post, but The Guardian has produced a series of videos using Lego men to animate the highlights of World Cup football matches.  Below, they show some (not all) of the goals made by Germany in their 7-1 drubbing of Brazil on Tuesday.  If only there were a word in German for taking joy in the suffering of another.

The meaningless third place game is Saturday between Brazil and the Dutch, and Sunday is the Mengele Bowl as Germany and Argentina face off.  Only two more games of soccer hotties!

Saturday’s first two games have been some great playing:  Iran playing some great soccer and scaring the shit out of Argentina until Messi saved the day, and Ghana holding Germany to a draw. Because of the Ghana-Germany result, if the U.S. wins Sunday afternoon’s game against Portugal (and its hottie star Ronaldo) then the U.S. is guaranteed to get to the Round of 16.  I’m putting my money on the U.S. after seeing Clint Dempsey break his nose in the Ghana game and come back in and play the rest of the game once they stopped the bleeding. He’s playing tomorrow with a broken nose.