The Stinque Braquet 2017

War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength.

And Madness is sanity.

In the years we’ve been promoting this joint, we actually had a Preznident who knew something about the subject — who knew many things about many subjects, which is kinda what you want in a Preznident, or someone near him.

And now we have a failed owner of a failed football team in a failed league, who very likely knows less about Sport than we do, and definitely knows less about everything else.

And you know what? We’re fine with him not caring. This may be the only escape America can enjoy for the duration.

So while Our Exceptional Republic’s leaders are crafting charts showing how quickly they can funnel money to the top of society, you’re invited to once again show the world how quickly you can fall to the bottom of the Stinque Braquet, hosted as always by Braquet Dowager Mellbell.

Daily Fails will be Named & Shamed — Sad! — and the biggest loser will be invited to decline a visit to the White House.

65 comments:

8:12 pm • Friday • March 10, 2017

Given how topsy-turvy these last couple months have been, maybe this is the year a 16-seed finally defeats a 1-seed. As with so many things, not holding my breath, though.

1:40 am • Saturday • March 11, 2017

Poor Dodger, his Bruins are choking like crazy tonight.

@mellbell: Maybe I’ll pick all the 15th seeds to win just to be contrarian.

Did someone put up the Divided Donkey/Elephant batsignal for my fellow Ess Eff Stinquer & sports fan Dividist? If he’s not living on the golf course or the fishing boat, I’ll go find him.

1:44 am • Saturday • March 11, 2017
7:35 pm • Saturday • March 11, 2017

@SanFranLefty: Well, that narrows my bracket position for UCLA to a choice betw 1st and 2nd round exits.

8:57 pm • Sunday • March 12, 2017

@mellbell: Can you set it up so we get bonus points for correctly predicting upsets?

10:30 am • Monday • March 13, 2017

@SanFranLefty: There are two options for awarding bonus points for upsets, and I chose the one that awards points based on the difference in seeding (so a 9-seed upsetting an 8-seed only nets you 1 extra point whereas a 16-seed upsetting a 1-seed nets you 15 extra points). The other option, in which each upset gets you an equal number of bonus points (whatever value the commissioner chooses), seemed like too blunt an instrument.

10:47 am • Thursday • March 16, 2017

@SanFranLefty: I missed any messages, but made it back just in time. This was a lot harder than it needs to be. I forget my passwords between annual visits.

12:02 pm • Thursday • March 16, 2017

@libertarian tool: I think maybe you skipped 2016 and the auto-invite went out to last year’s crew. Happy to have you on board again.

12:41 pm • Thursday • March 16, 2017

4 Novas
4 NC
1 Florida Coast 14 seed to go all the way for the first time in the history of the universe
1 Abstention

12:57 pm • Thursday • March 16, 2017

I am just going to go out on a limb here and assume that all the NC’s are using Barry’s picks.

1:04 pm • Thursday • March 16, 2017

@libertarian tool: Not me. I had settled days ago on the Villanova/UNC rematch with Villanova winning again and only switched to UNC when my brother pointed out just how rare back-to-back titles are. That being said, I did check Obama’s bracket last night, just out of curiosity, but didn’t make any changes based on it.

1:11 pm • Thursday • March 16, 2017

@libertarian tool: Top Seeds, because I’m lazy. Also, clueless.

1:19 pm • Thursday • March 16, 2017

Oh for fuck’s sake. My bracket didn’t save. I’m the idiot abstention.

1:19 pm • Thursday • March 16, 2017

I picked Nova, BTW.

1:21 pm • Thursday • March 16, 2017

And my tie breaker was like 50 something to 60 something and I saved the damn thing. Or not.

1:22 pm • Thursday • March 16, 2017

GODAMMIT

1:51 pm • Thursday • March 16, 2017

@JNOV: I’m sure MellBell and/or Nojo will present you with a participation trophy.

1:59 pm • Thursday • March 16, 2017

@libertarian tool: Well, makes today’s loser easy to shame.

4:32 pm • Thursday • March 16, 2017

I’m 0-1 on upsets so far (Princeton almost took down Notre Dame, dammit!), but East Tennessee State may yet sink Florida (down 1 at half).

4:48 pm • Thursday • March 16, 2017

@mellbell: Florida is pulling away :(

5:33 pm • Thursday • March 16, 2017

@mellbell: You have to pick at least one of these 12-5 upsets to come through. I didn’t pick them, but Middle Tenn is looking good up 14 against Minnesota right now.

I took Nevada as my 12-5 against Iowa State tonight.

7:54 pm • Thursday • March 16, 2017

@libertarian tool: Middle Tennessee came through for me.

7:55 pm • Thursday • March 16, 2017

The Saint Mary’s team is sooooooooo white. (edited to fix my embarrassing mix-up)

12:16 am • Friday • March 17, 2017

@nojo: shurrup

12:36 am • Friday • March 17, 2017

@libertarian tool: I just want a red MAGA hat – but preferably with the scalp of an original birther still attached.

12:39 am • Friday • March 17, 2017

@libertarian tool: shurrup

12:32 am • Saturday • March 18, 2017
5:27 pm • Saturday • March 18, 2017

Well shit, glad I picked UNC to beat Villanova in the championship game.

8:47 pm • Saturday • March 18, 2017

Busted. Fucking Nova.

9:10 pm • Saturday • March 18, 2017

Just heard a collective cry of agony in the neighborhood. The first weekend is always a symphony of trap doors.

9:31 pm • Saturday • March 18, 2017

@libertarian tool: The gym rat/attendant where I live keeps an original MAGA cap right next to the lockers. I live in Asia, and he’s a fucking Aussie.

9:59 pm • Saturday • March 18, 2017

@ManchuCandidate: Well, that’s it then.

10:04 pm • Saturday • March 18, 2017

Despite currently residing in the Basement Bracket of Shame (excluding only the JNOV Bracket Self Immolation Category), I am feeling much better about my life since Nova went down in flames.

I am comfortable knowing that I will ultimately only be surpassed by the 3 other NC picks, giving me a virtual lock on the “Slightly Above Average” Trophy.

For the rest… perhaps you will find solace and comfort in a brief musical interlude.

8:22 pm • Sunday • March 19, 2017

@libertarian tool: Shurrup

@Beggars Biscuit: No Hatch Act issues b/c an Aussie, eh? Our office said away with MAGA bullshit once fucktard filed with the FEC.

Related, since the hiring freeze, our disability claim backlog has increased by 100K (same shit went down when Clinton pulled attrition crap), and the only San Diego County positions on USAJobs are for Homeland Security (A LOT), a ton of stuff on bases (esp Naval Special Warfare Command), VAMCs staff…I mean, if anyone ever wants to see what’s going on in the executive branch, just check out job openings on USAJobs.gov.

8:31 pm • Sunday • March 19, 2017
8:36 pm • Sunday • March 19, 2017

That was a close one with UNC. I have a new goal. In addition to the “Slightly Above Average” Trophy, I hope to secure the “Best Stinquer EssEff Bracket” Trophy.

Which means I have to beat @SanFranLefty. Since she’s already lost half of her final four, I’m feeling it.

It’s good to have goals. It’s even better to have goals that are already locked up. It helps promote self-esteem.

9:58 pm • Sunday • March 19, 2017

@libertarian tool: Look. One year I won, which means I really lost. So go ahead and be a loser.

9:58 pm • Sunday • March 19, 2017

I AM NOT BITTER

10:36 pm • Sunday • March 19, 2017

And WTF – pellet stove? I need to buy my dog and cats a house, and some of them in the boonies have pellet stoves. I Googled it, so I kind of have a clue, but I can’t tell if they kill the air or not.

10:58 pm • Sunday • March 19, 2017

@JNOV: I don’t think there’s much difference in environmental impact between a pellet stove and a wood-burning fireplace–pellets are just easier to deal with. Very popular around here, where a lot of old house don’t have central heat.

11:20 pm • Sunday • March 19, 2017

So many losers, we should form a punk band.

2:14 pm • Monday • March 20, 2017

Post information has been updated for the second-chance Losers Braquet, because you can never suck enough.

9:30 pm • Monday • March 20, 2017

@nojo: “Fail better” is the name of the game.

10:32 pm • Monday • March 20, 2017

@Mistress Cynica: Ah. Thanks. NorCal has “Spare the Air” days where they ask that people don’t drive, burn leaves, or use wood-burning fireplaces.

Here, the air is pretty nice, unless you’re living on a rez near a refinery. In that case, everything is poisonous and generally jacked up.

I’d rather not run the thing 24/7 in the winter, but it might be cheaper than running a gas line to a house.

10:29 am • Thursday • March 23, 2017

Things that go bump in the night morning…

Just under 8 1/2 hours left to get your second-chance brackets in, y’all.

10:09 pm • Thursday • March 23, 2017

That’s right! I picked the Ducks to win it all. Yup. yupyupyup

11:26 pm • Thursday • March 23, 2017

@JNOV: You can endure my Facebook feed if they go to the next round.

12:06 am • Friday • March 24, 2017

@nojo: I work with a Duck; he’s like a billion years old. He tells people to wear Hawaiian shirts. Yesh. Anyway, he will not shut up about the Trilateral Commission and Stanford. O_o I have no idea what point he’s making.

12:13 am • Friday • March 24, 2017

@JNOV: Trilateral Commission? That’s ollllllllld school. And definitely not unknown when I was in school.

1:13 am • Friday • March 24, 2017

@nojo: He acts like it’s some conspiracy funded by stanford.

2:02 am • Friday • March 24, 2017

@JNOV: I thought the just-departed David Rockefeller waa behind it.

Me, I don’t recall any Stanford conspiracy theories from the Seventies. Only that we were intensely jealous of the Stanford band for getting away with shit.

1:01 pm • Friday • March 24, 2017

Didn’t manage to watch any of yesterday’s match-ups, but three out of four were single-possession games, which is always fun. Only Kansas dominated their opponent, Purdue. And tonight we’ve got UK vs. UCLA, which may lead to some trash-talking between Dodger and me.

3:03 pm • Friday • March 24, 2017

@mellbell: YES

I’m listening to arguments on the House floor, and I’m hearing them tell me how great it is that my premiums will go up because I am a woman, and I’m over 50 years old. I know it’s gonna get killed in the Senate, but it’s time to fax more hate mail to Reichert. Bag of lying dicks.

3:05 pm • Friday • March 24, 2017

Isn’t the long name of this bill something like The Best Healthcare Bill Ever in the History of the 6,000 Year-old World?

3:50 pm • Friday • March 24, 2017

REPUBLICANS PULLED THE BILL

9:10 pm • Friday • March 24, 2017

Every time I see “These picks”, I think “Deez Nutz.” You’re welcome.

12:39 am • Saturday • March 25, 2017

@libertarian tool: Where are you?

11:11 pm • Saturday • March 25, 2017

First Tall Firs reference!

8:52 pm • Saturday • April 1, 2017

The Jesuit college theory holds! Gonzaga, the pride of Spokane, prevails over South Crack-o-lina. Will the Ducks win and make it an all-PNW final? (And salvage my second chance braquet).

11:46 pm • Saturday • April 1, 2017

Oh gawd, my Facebook feed right now…

12:28 am • Sunday • April 2, 2017

DAMNDAMNDAMNDAMN

12:29 am • Sunday • April 2, 2017

Oh, shit. I forgot to call my parents and tell them I’m pregnant. Meh. I’ll call my kid.

12:33 am • Sunday • April 2, 2017

HAHAHAHAHAHA! I woke him up and he believed me! Funniest is that he was asleep – can’t hang, that one.

11:26 pm • Monday • April 3, 2017

ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG

11:47 pm • Monday • April 3, 2017

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Add a comment