The Stinque Braquet 2016

Wait, what? There’s more Sport? We thought Sport came to an end a few weeks ago, when Your Denver Broncos (now Our Denver Broncos, given our recent vertical relocation) won the Super Soaker (or whatever), which was one of those quaint Colorado traditions we thought we could happily ignore until two days later a million fucking people assembled downtown for the express purpose of turning our morning commute into bloody hell.

All the retail high-potency vape pot in the world (or the legally available part of it) won’t make up for that shitstorm.

But since we’re a Socialist Anarchist this year, at least until the convention, political propriety requires us to share the glory and announce our annual Festival of Fail, the Stinque Braquet, hosted again by Braquet Dowager Mellbell, whose beloved Cardinals have already won by refusing to show up.

As always, and especially since we’re high on gloating and pot gummies right now, Daily Fails will be Named & Shamed, following the example set by Our Future President-for-Life. And this year the Sorriest Failure will win the coveted Christie Award for Outstanding Abjectness.

57 Comments

My UCLA Bruins are not showing up either, and what’s worse, our detested rivals from Figueroa Tech, who beat us three fucking times this season, are in.

@Dodgerblue: Took me a minute to figure that one out because I’m so used to Lefty calling them the University of Spoiled Children.

@mellbell: The UCLA women’s team is in the Tournament but Connecticut is expected to be like Godzilla going through Tokyo, again.

The Stinquey Final Pick Summary

3 UNC
3 Kansas
1 Oregon
1 Michigan State

@Dodgerblue: Terrible first half for the Gentleman Huskies. Starting to regret that pick.

@mellbell: Even though the Buffs are my alma mater, and it was 8/9 – I took the Huskies. Just too accustomed to watching my Boulder boys being buffaloshit doormats.

EDIT: So grateful that the world returned to it’s normal orbit and I am no longer bound by any “be true to your school” restraints.

Come on, Dover Iona, move yer bloomin’ arse!

My favorite moment in the tournament (when they are in it) is always the Austin Peay cheer: “LET’S GO PEE!”

I am easily amused.

@libertarian tool: That’s how you say it?! I assumed it was pronounced like “pay,” sort of like how the Koch brothers pronounce their last name like “coke” instead of, well, you know.

@mellbell: The cheer is quite distinct, as are the Koch Bros stubby fingers.

BTW – For a while there I saw five white guys for Yale and five black guys for Baylor on the court at the same time and Yale was winning. How do you explain that in a rational universe?

@libertarian tool: Orygun? Wasn’t me, since This Native Eugenean (and double degree holder) doesn’t give a shit.

@mellbell: Huck the Fuskies. Guess there’s some Latent Duck in me after all.

@nojo: Mr. SFL and my uncle (also a Duck) convinced me that this was the year. We’ll see.

@Dodgerblue: @mellbell: “Figueroa Tech” always cracks me up. I’ll actually be in the hood near U$C on Saturday night for the Springsteen show. Thanks to the anti-scalping measures Bruce demanded be in play for the LA show, it is cheaper for us to get good seats in LA, use SW miles to fly down, rent a car, and find a discount hotel in Little Tokyo all for a couple hundred bucks less than driving over the Bay Bridge to the Oakland show that sold out in 25 seconds and had nosebleed seats at the arena behind the stage for $350 on Stubhub.

Suck it $poiled Children!

I can hear DB’s screams of joy from several hundred miles away.

Well. Look at that. My Final Championship pick #2 seed Michigan State just got eliminated in the first round by a 15 seed. Huh.

@Nojo, I must insist at claiming the “Loser” designation for the rest of the tournament, now and until the start of 2017 tournament.

It was fun hanging with you guys. I thought I would be here longer.

@SanFranLefty: Lynn went to the Tuesday show, had seats way up there, said it was great.

@libertarian tool: Yale v Duke tomorrow? Now, that could be fun.

@libertarian tool: The system prioritizes New Losers so that an early flub doesn’t doom you for the remainder of the tournament, and allows me the opportunity to belittle the widest possible range of participants.

You may take up disputes with the Rules Committee, which will be meeting at My Brother’s Bar in April.

I originally had Stephen F. Austin over West Virginia and changed it right before the brackets locked. Why, god, why?!

@libertarian tool: There’s the Round 2 re-group that the bracket folks do at Sweet 16 stage. Looks like A.Lot. of people will need to reset.

@Dodgerblue: If we were spending more than 19 hours in LA, with 5 of them at the show, I would have arranged a StinqueUp w/ the DBs and the Tommies.

@libertarian tool: Fucking Arizona killed my bracket. I picked them to go far due to the fact that they crushed The Tree Boyz last week by 30 points. I should have gone with my first gut instinct of revulsion at the sound of the word “Arizona”

P.S. Good to see you around here for your annual visit. As the two Stinquers in the 415, we should meet up one of these days for a bottle of wine. I keep expecting to run into you some Saturday morning at the Ferry Building.

@mellbell: I expect more from a person who picked Yale over Baylor.

@mellbell: Because even though we know logically and statistically there will likely be 12-5 upsets, it is still nearly impossible to write it down on your “bestest” bracket. Let alone a 14 -3 like W Va, or a 15 -2 like Michigan State [collapses sobbing uncontrollably as head smashes into and rolls around keyboard] ;hgf;haaertm vtjytw i6’65mma’tuk’,gg”g943mg;gn

@SanFranLefty: Speaking of revulsion, Texas tied it up with 2.7 seconds left. BUT WAIT! With no time outs, Paul Jesperson of Northern Iowa heaves up a half court shot off the glass and in. That was kind of satisfying.

It’s safe to say with two 10 seeds and an 11, 13, 14, 15 all winning today, not one bracket in the world made it through the first round.

Meetup sounds great. Ferry Building would be apropos. As I recall, our first on-line conversation ever was on Wonkette about the “George Bush!!!” guy with tourettes who used to hang out by the Ferry Building. I don’t know why I remember these things.

@libertarian tool: Speaking of Wonkette (obliquely), that must have been one damn fine sex tape.

@nojo: How will Nick scrape together the cash? (I assume there will be an appeal).

@SanFranLefty: Definitely an appeal, and Nick’s put out a Confident Statement, blah blah blah.

Beyond that, I don’t know how these things work. Does Gawker declare Chapter 7 and go home? Chapter 11 and an installment plan?

Also, Nick and then-editor AJ are personally on the hook as well. Really don’t know how that works.

@nojo: The punitive damages phase is still to come, and a punitives award won’t be covered by insurance, if Gawker has any. I hope Jalopnik doesn’t go under.

@nojo: Hard to believe it’s worth $115M, but I’d have to watch Hulkster sex to find out. Pretty sure I would reflexively gouge my eyes out of my head if I did. #NotWorthIt

“SATURDAY’S LOSER: LIBERTARIAN TOOL”

WINNING!!!

I mean “LOSING!!!”

I’d like to thank my 94 year old father for this recognition. He watches college basketball all season long every day while betting on-line with his Caribbean Sports Book. I rely on him for my March Madness picks. He assured me that Michigan State would win it all. Thanks Dad.

@libertarian tool: One more line and the orchestra’s playing you off.

Wait, someone moved to Colorado? And Denton/Wonkette is going under?

Damn, I need to spend more time in this country. Except, did y’all realize Donald Trump might be the (whispers) next president?

It’s like a Philip K Dick novel, without the Hugo

@libertarian tool: I read that Hulky lasted all of about 9 seconds, hence the $100 million lawsuit. So much for thinking about baseball.

@Beggars Biscuit: Rocky Mountain Retail Hiiiiiiiiiiigh…

ADD: Wonkette’s been independent for years, so no liability ties to the Ex-Mothership.

Bracket sucks but I’m no longer the loser so that’s okay.

Depending on how the N. Iowa/A&M and Wisconsin/Xavier games shake out, I may still have a Final Four. Huzzah!

@mellbell: A&M just tied it up in overtime with under a minute to go!

@mellbell: N. Iowa up by one with 21 seconds to go.

All Xavier had to do was make a layup to break the tie in the final seconds and instead they drew an offensive foul. And then there were three.

@mellbell: Or hell, just hold on to the ball and send it into overtime. Anything but turn the ball over.

And in the last game of the weekend/my last update of the night (I swear!), St. Joe’s is keeping it close against Oregon.

@nojo: It was only a matter of time until I inherited the crown.

@mellbell: In the long run, we are all Losers.

Bwaaa haa haa, suck it Puke!

@nojo: Ducks FTW! Oh thee native Eugenian of little faith…

@SanFranLefty: Given the cash they’ve shoveled into major men’s sport, faith has little to do with it.

@nojo: Oh Daayum, is that why I’m Thursday’s loser?

@SanFranLefty: Previous Losers are grandfathered for variety. Fresh Losers take precedence.

@Mistress Cynica:
That’s why I never pick them past the 3rd round. After 5/6 times I finally stopped picking Team What The Fuck Is Wrong With Kansas Chokers

@ManchuCandidate: That’s always been my experience with Nova–always letting me down. This year they finally make it. Grrr.

@Mistress Cynica: Tomorrow gonna party like it’s 1995 1985. <–That comment would have been so awesome if I hadn’t lost a decade of my life.

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