Dick! Come to Me, my Bride! Be my bitch in the pit of hell forever and a day! Ha! Hahaha! Hahahahahahahahaha! I've waited an eternity with my cock wrapped in barbed wire, waiting for the moment when it would finally find the asshole of the Most Damned and Evil, waiting for you, my love! Ha! Hahaha! Hahahahahaha!

The monster of depthless evil known as Dick Cheney is apparently hanging grimly onto life at a Washington hospital, hoping and praying to his Master in Hell to live to lead America to more wars, devastating bankruptcy and further debauchery of its ideals, and finally deliver her once and for all to his Master.

When the news hit, the neocon crowd swooned, fearing its best candidate for the 2012 White House run was on the ropes. But Stinque correspondents everywhere reported hearing a distinct and bellowing laughter wafting up from deep beneath their feet. Resonant, full and crunching with the crusted mucus of blood and bile and an eternity of hate and rage.

Could it be, the dark one was calling Dick home? Stinque picked up the phone and chased down the story.

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Beyond the ice dancing finals, there really is not that much on the docket today.  Which is a good thing, because yesterday was nuts.  Not the least reason why is that USA-USA-USA v Canada game.  That lived up to the billing.  A positively frenetic game.

And it isn’t over for USA Hockey.  The wimmin positively embarassed Sweden in the semifinal this afternoon, 9 to 1.  Canada v Finland right about now on CNBC.  Right now, CAN 3:0 FIN in the late second period.  If that holds up, it will be USA v Canada — another headline matchup… this time, for hardware.

So some time for evaluation.  And the Canadians finally own up to the fact that — no — they will not top the medal table, notwithstanding their fancy-shmancy slogan.  “Yes We Can” is in a run for its money against “Own The Podium” as the worst empty saying since “Mission Accomplished.”

Meanwhile: Bode Freaking Miller has a matched set of medals to take home to New Hampshaah.  Maybe this will make him into something less than a prick.  Time will tell.

Just when you thought you’ve had enough of the Connecticut asshole, he comes back with yet another asinine — wait, what?

In an exclusive interview with the Daily News, Lieberman told me that his commitment to repealing DADT is twofold. First, allowing gays to serve openly fulfills the bedrock American promise of providing citizens with “an equal opportunity to do whatever job their talents and sense of purpose and motivations lead them to want to do — including military service.” Second, and no less important for a lawmaker whose commitment to national security the Pentagon can’t doubt, is that “When you artificially limit the pool of people who can enlist then you are diminishing military effectiveness.”

Well, dayum. We’re not taking back Joe’s two Golden Anal Pears for Asshole of the Year, but this certainly complicates his threepeat.

On ‘ask,’ Lieberman answers the call: An exclusive chat about Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell [NY Daily News]

Samantha Bell, daughter of suicide pilot Joe Stack, this morning:

“His last actions, the suicide, the catastrophe that caused injuries and death, that was wrong,” Samantha Bell, Stack’s daughter from his first marriage, told “Good Morning America” in a morning television exclusive telephone interview that aired today. “But if nobody comes out and speaks up on behalf of injustice, then nothing will ever be accomplished. But I do not agree with his last action with what he did. But I do agree about the government.”

When “Good Morning America” asked if she considered her father a “hero,” Bell, 38, said, “Yes, because now maybe people will listen.”

Samantha Bell, after the coffee kicked in:

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While we have the Wayback Machine warmed up, our inaugural post on September 25, 2008, was “Looks Like We Picked the Wrong Week to Quit Campaigning”. And lo, the inspiration for that post is back in the news:

McCain said Bush called him in off the campaign trail, saying a worldwide economic catastrophe was imminent and that he needed his help. “I don’t know of any American, when the president of the United States calls you and tells you something like that, who wouldn’t respond,” McCain said. “And I came back and tried to sit down and work with Republicans and say, ‘What can we do?’ “

Of course, Hank Paulson doesn’t remember it that way:

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Let’s set the Not-So-Wayback Machine for last Wednesday and drop in on the National Journal…

The first skirmish in the war over the GOP WH nomination takes place this weekend among thousands of conservative activists, and veterans of previous straw polls see a tight battle between ex-MA Gov. Mitt Romney and ex-AK Gov. Sarah Palin developing at this week’s Conservative Political Action Conference.

In an informal survey of GOP party leaders, strategists, activists and pundits representing backers of virtually every potential candidate in the field, a narrow plurality say Palin will win this weekend’s straw poll. 22 of 48 GOPers surveyed chose Palin, while 20 chose Romney.

Whoops!

Of course, nobody expected Ron Paul to deny Mittens a fourth straight win as Biggest CPAC Loser. Nobody except the Paultards who punked the vote, of course.

And while we’ll agree that past failures are no guarantee of future failure, the only reason we paid attention to the CPAC Straw Poll was because everybody told us to.

So enjoy the disarray, gang. We’d enjoy it more ourselves, if Demrats only had a clue how to take advantage of it.

CPAC Vets See Tight Romney-Palin Race [Hotline On Call]

Ron Paul Runs Away With CPAC Straw Poll [Village Voice]

So the highly-anticipated Canada City v USA-USA-USA hockey game is tonight.  And, for once, I will not have a case of Olympics Overload.

Watching these games has been exhausting.  Compared to the summer version, the Winter Olympics have a wide variety of different types of Sport that I dig.  Skiing, speed skating, and the ever popular curling are chief amongst these.  But ice hockey, certainly, is number one.  And this matchup, as I have been pimping all week, is appointment TV.  (So, for that matter, is the Russia v Czech Republic matchup on right now on the Mothership.  As I write: after two periods, it is Putin’s Madmen 2:1 Fighting Havels.)  So full attention is paid by me, and here.

The depth of Team Canada is positively frightening.  Sidney Crosby, Joe Thornton and pals will be leading the attack, with Duncan Keith and Brent Seabrook (teamed up here in town for the Blackhawks, to excellent effect) on the blue line, and the incomparable Martin Brodeur between the pipes.  The U.S. Americans are younger, and fast.  Phil Kessel is a stud.  Patrick Kane (another Blackhawk) can be a stud, but is prone to knuckleheadedness (silly stick fouls and such).  Ryan Miller (from the Buffalo Sabres) is your likely starter in net.  Game on MSNBC at 1900 Eastern.

[Speaking of MSNBC: one wonders why Keef is not a part of the proceedings here.  Dan Patrick and Cris Collingsworth have been here with the King of all Sport, Bob Costas.  Keith is stuck in 30 Rock.  Too hot to handle, perhaps.]

Elsewhere, there’s alpine skiing (with New Hampshaah’s own, Bode Miller), ice dancing, and other assorted goodies.  Notable: ski cross (NASCAR on skis, if it weren’t for the random right turns) and bobsled.  You look at the bobsledders, and they actually look like normal people.  In fact, some of them are full-fledged members of the Union.  (Brotherhood of Immense Gentlemen — Gut Union International, or BIG-GUI.)  Good to see.