We know we risk caning for again broaching the subject of American Public Inebriation, but when a dude pleads guilty to DWI on a motorized La-Z-Boy, well…

According to the criminal complaint, Anderson drove his motorized chair into a vehicle parked near a Proctor bar. Anderson told police he was traveling from the Keyboard Lounge after consuming approximately eight or nine beers…

Anderson claimed he was driving the chair fine until a woman jumped on it and knocked the chair off course.

Oh, shit — woman driver. Now we’re in big trouble.

But before we head to the corner for our scream-out, here are the vitals: the Laz-Z-Buggy runs atop “a converted lawnmower with a Briggs & Stratton engine,” for the gearheads among us. It boasts “a stereo, cup holders and other custom options, including different power levels.”

And it could be yours — the police have confiscated it for auction.

La-Z-Boy crash leads to DWI in Proctor [Duluth News Tribune]

We’ve been ignoring the Fox News fracas, figuring it’s a dog-bites-man story, even if the White House is running the Limbaugh Maneuver on them. But with the Daily Show on hiatus this week, Media Matters steps in with a cumulative backgrounder on what 300,764,724 Americans aren’t watching any given day.

Hot lunch, anyone?

Lindsey Graham, South Carolina’s Douchebag Also-Ran, has had problems keeping up with the SC ratpack lately, even being teabagged at his own event for not being douchebaggy enough. And with today’s feeble attempt, we may have to start calling him Beetlebaum:

“Environmental policy has to be good business policy,” Graham insisted. “What would happen in this country if you build a hundred nuclear power plants in the next thirty years? It would create millions of jobs. And we need to use the coal that God has given us.”

Oh, please. God-given coal? We’re years beyond the Flintstones meme. Didn’t you hear pollution is patriotic? That’s where the action is.

Sen. Graham: ‘We need to use the coal that God has given us’ [Raw Story]

Just Imagine - A Whole Day of Howling Your 'Fuck-You's at Caligutard, just like Jesus wants!

When Caligutard was gagging on pretzels and Jeff Gannon in the White House, his handlers were careful to make sure the fragile, quaking dry drunk never encountered the raging legions of protesters that assembled everywhere he appeared to curse his every breath and condemn his depthless perfidy.

Now, as a private citizen, the murderous, traitorous Caligutard enjoys greatly reduced reality avoidance resources, exposing him to the full howling fury of a nation that hates him as no president has ever been reviled.

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When Rachel Maddow had Americans for Prosperity’s Tim Phillips over for a barbecue the other night, one of the skewering points was whether a corporate-backed organization could be called “grassroots.” Phillips put up a spirited fight, despite Rachel saying — to his face, in the studio — that someone who had waged the smear campaign against Max Cleland was “a parasite who gets fat on Americans’ fears.”

Turns out sick puppies aren’t the only ones questioning the provenance of Tea Parties and similar political roadshows. In a development we missed a couple weeks back, the teabaggers have the same complaint:

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DiaperMan David Vitter, whom 47% of Louisiana Republicans would prefer to continue his adventures (we particularly liked The Perilous Plot of Political Poopypants), is not taking his renomination for granted among his state’s pigfuckers. Where other Louisiana politicos were quick to condemn the Non-Marryin’ Judge, Vitter took his time before finding just the right words:

Sen. Vitter thinks that all judges should follow the law as written and not make it up as they go along.

Vitter’s standards are clear. Criticizing a local judge who won’t marry an interracial couple is one thing. Calling for the resignation of a black senator from Illinois is quite another.

Senator Vitter’s Office Finally Comments On Judge Who Denied Interracial Marriage [Plum Line]