Like a Rolling Turtle

We’ve given it a lot of thought, and looking through the universe of possibilities of important news to bring to your attention, we could think of nothing more breathtakingly awesome than Capt. Howdy’s hot tip.


I’ve seen drunks, and I’ve been drunk… I’ve even been to a county fair… but I’ve never seen anything quite like this. We can only hope the guy wasn’t driving.

I love this clip. As I said to the Capt the only thing that could make it better would be to have a nun and a bride somehow involved. But this is pretty damn near perfect.

Am I the only person who just finds this horribly sad? Maybe I’ve known too many alcoholics. Maybe because a friend’s 23-yr-old nephew died yesterday, having literally drunk himself to death. Sorry to be a Debbie Downer. Carry on.

@Mistress Cynica: It is sad. And as a skeptic, I wonder if it is real. When I begin to stumble, I pretty much know it is time to put my head on a pillow and turn the lights out. Some of that has to do with waking up one New Year’s morning with my head in a litter pan, with the host’s cats looking at me with WTF puzzlement on their faces.

Finally, a contender for veep on a Palin 2012 ticket that can make her look good. He, too, could be sold as ‘all Alaskan’.

@Mistress Cynica: It looks like Pina Bausch choreographed it. It is incredibly sad and painful to watch addiction control someone like that. He’s just a puppet on strings.

@The Nabisco Quiver are Go!: “Comatose and walking still.” Ascended Master Neil Young, “Why Do I Keep Fucking UP?”

@Mistress Cynica: I’m real sorry to hear that. I’ve had a few relatives go that way, plus one that froze to death out on the street.

I don’t know why we assume this guy is a terminal drunk. I don’t get that. He could be celebrating his acceptance to Harvard law. Or the fact that Lori accepted his proposal. Or that Houghton Miflin will publish his new take on Carlotta Monterey. It could be any number of things. Habitual drunks don’t behave like this in public. At least, not in my experience. Barring one director from Canada – but that’s a different story. This reminds me of a cast party in Minneapolis which had me marrying two other cast members and somehow we all ended up in the Lake of the Isles in varying stages of undress. Don’t ask me how. Mayhap he’ll see this video and say to himself, never again. Till next time the Lakers beat the Cubs.

@Benedick: Till next time the Lakers beat the Cubs.

I appreciate your sublime way with words.

As I said before, I think the fact that it is broad daylight out, mid-afternoon at best, is what makes it special.

Serious drunks intent on a bender stock up.

@Mistress Cynica: Thats horrible. Is there a form of alcoholism that bad? It takes years to kill your liver, years of committed drinking, 10 ounces or so a day for a decade, in most cases.

On the other hand, chugging a quart of vodka all at once can kill most anyone. Thats how young people, college students, die, most often, they just don’t realize that a quart of Wild Turkey can kill you.

There is a range of behavior in this context, was this kid that bad, a heavy daily drinker who damaged his organs to the point of dying by that young age? Thats a serious, bad thing, thats hard to envision.

I come from a family of hard drinking Irish, when I was a kid, I never saw an adult drink anything but coffee in the morning, beer all the rest of the time, seriously.

Dad lived to 82, Mom, I had to buy a house with 5 bedrooms so I could convert 2 rooms into her apartment, she is 85, sleeping now not far from me. Once a week she has me go buy her a 30 pack of Miller Light.

OTOH, I have a nephew, does a 30 pack a day, I worry about him.

@Benedick: Darling, that’s not alcoholism…that’s a theatre party.

Questions of alcoholism aside, throw him in a unitard, put him on a bare stage and it’s a modern dance piece. The desire that keeps that body upright and moving towards that case of beer is fascinating. He’s quite graceful, actually.

my thoughts exactly.
and I also thought of a turtle.

instant classic.

I agree. he looks quite well groomed and dressed. he just looks completely shitfaced. I dont think I have ever been quite that shitfaced in public but life is long. and if/when I do and it ends up on youtube I hope people laugh at it because I will.

of all the permutations of this, this one is my favorite

make sure the sound is up

ZOMG! What a fucking laugh riot!

I keep telling myself that between guffaws.

who am I kiddin thats a total lie.

its an interesting thing. this seems to be a “venus/mars” thing. pretty much universally with the people I know who have seen this women think its sad and men think its hilarious. I have no explanation for this but I suspect it is about roles. think about it. how would you (men) have reacted differently if this was a woman? women are not allowed to do this in public. men are. which is why when a man watches this he doesnt get all weepy he sees himself but for the grace of god last saturday night. men can imagine themselves in this roll. women seem unable to. so they dont get it and they feel sorry for the poor unfortunate drunk guy.
I am sorry if you are offended but I think that video is hilarious. and about 50 million youtube viewers agree with me.
probably mostly men.

@Capt Howdy: Yeah, only the cool chicks get it!

I’m staying out of this except to note that I didn’t find this funny at all…I was a bartender for too long and had to deal with people like this all the time…until someone set it to old-tyme movie music. THAT is funny.

I wear my assholery as a badge of honor

@Capt Howdy: I’m sorry for the slip. Typos, what can I say? Apologies.

Capt. Howdy merely referenced the video in a comment. I upgraded it to a formal post, and I stand by my shits&giggles decision.

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