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Not-so-fast, not-so-furious.We know we risk caning for again broaching the subject of American Public Inebriation, but when a dude pleads guilty to DWI on a motorized La-Z-Boy, well…

According to the criminal complaint, Anderson drove his motorized chair into a vehicle parked near a Proctor bar. Anderson told police he was traveling from the Keyboard Lounge after consuming approximately eight or nine beers…

Anderson claimed he was driving the chair fine until a woman jumped on it and knocked the chair off course.

Oh, shit — woman driver. Now we’re in big trouble.

But before we head to the corner for our scream-out, here are the vitals: the Laz-Z-Buggy runs atop “a converted lawnmower with a Briggs & Stratton engine,” for the gearheads among us. It boasts “a stereo, cup holders and other custom options, including different power levels.”

And it could be yours — the police have confiscated it for auction.

La-Z-Boy crash leads to DWI in Proctor [Duluth News Tribune]

So, I guess it isn’t over, done and behind us, huh?

Was it the “egoless noblesse oblige” crack? Cuz I can go erase that if you want.

You can take it as bait, or you can take it as an unavoidable self-effacing callback to recent criticisms, given the subject matter. It doesn’t have to be about you, unless you insist on making it so.

I’m sorry but this is very funny. I love it that it was souped-up, as we say in the Olde Country.

All it needs is a toilet and beer fridge.

@nojo: You’re not stupid, and I’m not stupid. How can you be self-effacing about criticism you deemed to be without merit?

@JNOV takes the bait: I could have zapped your comments myself, of course. Or, I could pick up the theme of Naughty Nojo and use it to frame a post. I could, as it were, make a joke of my perceived transgressions. That’s the standard move in the Humor Handbook.

Or we could all just let sleeping dogs lie and move on.

ADD: Not to be rude or anything, but it is a bit tiresome at this point, my doves.

@nojo: Sorry to be humorless. I guess after all the self-flagellation I’ve been doing around these parts, I found it a little odd that you link to the two posts where I’m not being a team player. ::must work harder on group think abilities::

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: I’m sure it is. I’m tired of it, too. And, once again, I might not be getting it. Here we have a whole post playing off the recent squabbling that supposedly was over and done. I can sit here and be like, “Wow. What a coincidence,” or I can call it like I see it. I am not above apologizing when I fuck up or misinterpret something, but really.

@JNOV takes the bait: Or you can join in the fun and mock-scold me for repeating my indiscretions. You have more options than you’re allowing yourself.

@JNOV takes the bait: Benedick would be desperately jealous if you did.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: Just about back to our regular screwball-comedy banter.

@JNOV takes the bait: “Limbaugh.”

No, wait — that invites further punishment.

OMG! That is seriously the chair from the story.

Whew! Good to see we averted the need for SFL to put on her Den Mother hat again, as she is presumably busy discussing pressing legal issues with Patrick Fitzgerald tonight in Chi-town…and resting her liver in preparation for our Stinque-up tomorrow night (consider that one of your many reminders, CB!).

@nojo: I fell asleep on the Science Channel one day, and I woke up to some show about dragons. Dragons. I was like, “Jr. Whoa. Is this really a show about dragons on the Science Channel? WTF?” And, yes, it was some CG crap about what a dragon might look like if it existed, what it might eat, the whole nine. I am so over the Science Channel. Nice to see the astrophysicist dude fact checking that bad trip of a channel.

Foodie threadjack: Saw Alton Brown wandering around Foggy Bottom tonight and had one of those “I know I know that guy, but who the hell is he?” moments. The Google says he’s on a book tour and popped into town for an event at Natural History.

@mellbell: At least you figured out who he was. I’m still trying to figure out the identity of some dude I saw in LA over two years ago. Gah!

Funny, but marred by the sexism thing.

Okay, I have just finished my capsule reviews of the last four posts, Nojo, and this one is the best of them. I like crazy silliness, and it sure was crazy and silly for the cops to charge this inventively whacky individual’s cool expression of self. This is a worthy stinque post.

I think there is a problem, Nojo, and its not in your posts, its that we are at a point now in the development of things where there is nothing much funny to be said about whats in the news. Where we are now in the Obama presidency, I think, has reached a point analogous to the point in WWI where the armies established their trench lines and the war became static, no movement, each side just lobbing shells back and forth. The period of active strategic moves on the battlefield, the birther attack, the teabagger rallies, the wearing a gun to Obama events, the threat of an active Palinist role in the fight, its all settled down now to static trench warfare. Its just monotonous, repititious idiocy on the GOP side, and slogging efforts on the Dem side to move things an inch at a time.

We have no distractions this week, no Meg McCain boob scandal, no completely absurd popular obsession, balloon boy or baby down the well, as we had last week. Even the Letterman sex scandal is over, and this ESPN guy and the crazy 22 year old girlfriend, he is not famous enough for it to be meaningfully amusing.

Its slim pickings for topical humor these last few days. The only thing mildly interesting lately is Cheney re-emerging, and the WH spokesman’s delicious response, but even that, bashing Cheney, is an old dead horse.

They’re making health care sausage in Congress, noone wants to see that operation.

Nope, Nojo, I think its time to mine deeper veins, our ideological outrage organs are tired, used up, ho hum, more idiot republican shit, we are thinking inside, at best.

I think its time to turn our attention to dicks and boobs. In a non-sexist way, of course. I am going off to see if there are any dick or boob-related scandals going on. Stormy is going to be in Harrisburg, if Jim is game, I would make the trip to go on a fact-finding expedition with him, to report back on this phenomenon, hopefully with pictures.

@Promnight: Too much to read in my phone. But as I was sayin to my Secret Sis the other night, before she went rogue (joke! Haha!) Nojo has the unenviable task of keeping us chuckling, chatting and (help with another ‘ch’ word?). And he consistently knocks it out of the park, down to the tags, subheads and the delightful TwitStinque.
He doesn’t make any coin off this, or at least off us, and I consider him my personal Jack Parr, even if he’d prefer to be Gene Rayburn.

Safe word? laugh

@Promnight: I don’t know whereof this ‘Jim’, but Ill see about the Stormy schedule. She may be on tour, even down towards Bal’more or over towards sou’east Penna.

@The Nabisco Quiver are Go!: I was not criticizing Nojo, who is an un-recognized genius, no, I was just saying, his job is harder, as there is a dearth of exciting topical material lately.

In personal appearance events such as Stormy is making, the tradition is the posing for pictures with fans, for $20 or so, during which a naked Stormy sits in your lap or drapes herself about you, and a photo is taken, I want to make this my quest, to get a picture with the next senator from Louisiana.

@mellbell: Would you come along for moral support, should we locate a venue in the Md Pa NJ area?


I know what you mean. Not as criticism of Nojo, who is, after all, one of the founders of the feast- but it seems to me an era has passed. We don’t need jesters so much as champions, nowadays. Snark has done its job- more and more, people see the right for what they are. Not that we should stop with the yucks…but I think that we also need to be more active in our little community. There is an engine of possibility here. The question is how to turn it on, and what to do with it once it is running.

The time for commenting- in and of itself- has passed. Don’t get me wrong, I’m an attention whore like the rest of you, and I’ll be here with the poopy jokes like always. But I think the minds here can do something of substance as well.

There’s a whole lot of hurt out there, people. It lies in us to make a difference. But once again I put the question to you: How? What?

Some of you, I know, are already involved (I can hear your eyebrows raising from here, Lefty). Some of you are just trying to stay afloat. But some of you are like me: Shaken, but mostly whole, and looking for a way to help.

There is something we can do together that encompasses more than drinking parties and book clubs. What is it?


PS. Benedick, I fail to see what that avatar of a deformed toad has to do with anything. Are you making some kind of amphibian statement? I don’t get it….

@The Nabisco Quiver are Go!: Or Chuck Barris.

@Promnight: The deeper challenge — which Ped will remind us about — is that we’re predominantly mocking the losers. Couple good reasons for this (they’re funny, and they’re dangerous), but they are indeed powerless. They’re not running the show.

The challenge is that the winners aren’t as easily prone to drive-by mocking, which is all I can manage during the day. (I try to put a bit more thought into the morning post, but even there I ain’t no Greenwald.) The Serious Issues of the Day — Afghanistan, Pakistan, Gitmo, war crimes — are complicated, and when they’re not complicated, developments are infrequent. Wingnuts just keep chattering away.

(Plus, I don’t have a take on Afghanistan. Stolen election bad, yes, but what next?)

And then there’s the issue of the day — but I can’t bear to drag myself through every twist and turn, whether Snowe will side with a filibuster, whether Barry is or isn’t supporting a public option, whether the Blue Dogs will trump the Progressives. It doesn’t easily reduce itself to caricature, which is basically what I do.

But all that is also the challenge — the creative challenge. And I love creative challenges. I’ve added a few more news sources to the regular rounds, and I’ve said from the start that we’re not limited to politics. We’re not shifting our foundation by any means, but we may find ourselves broadening our coverage.

Although trust me, you don’t want to hear about Jon & Kate.

Nor do I want to hear about the dipshit (half) Korean who shames me more than Moonie (and that’s a lot.)

i can’t remember if i told you this, but i saw chuck barris the last time i was in new york. he was sitting at the table right next to me in the friars club. he looks fantastic! he caught my eye he was that good looking and he looked at me and i thought OMFG! head full of salt and pepper curls, tan, laughing. he must have had something done, he must be a hundred and twelve. i’d hit it.

@Promnight: I’ve been so ridiculously busy the past few weeks I hadn’t noticed the lack of topical humor. We could always mock swine flu hysteria. Apropos of nothing I got to read the November Vanity Fair (w the muy caliente Penelope Cruz on the cover). I cancelled my subscription a few years ago but this one has a series of terrific articles, including a fascinating story about Mark Drier and another one about last fall’s financial meltdown. I’m so looking forward to the Friday Chicago Stinque-up. Hopefully flippin and I won’t be holding back Homofascist’s hair if he drinks too much. I keeed HF, I keeed.

ADD: Are we all cool yet or do I need to pull out the den mother hat?


We’re cool. I had to mommy just the slightest bit, but everyone is back on the reservation.

@The Nabisco Quiver are Go!: Dude, you totally missed “chundering,” a fantastic Limey term for vomiting.

It goes something like this: (in a heavy, drunken-wavering Scottish brogue) “I am… Admiral Chunder! [blork!] “

Where’s RML’s graphic of the flaming wagon?

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: Back on the reservation?!?! Oy! Get ready for a flamin wagon.
@JNOV takes the bait: You ready to lead book / essay discussion next week? It’s your suggestion…

@nobody in particular: do we need to revive stinque after dark or the monthly photo jam?

@nojo: Were my ears just burning?

It’s not just the repugs or the right, much less “conservatives”, who are mock-worthy just about 24/7. Them Dems, and I say them because I don’t consider myself one, no matter which spokesmodel I happen to vote for in any given election, them Dems are thoroughly corrupt as well. And they have to be, to function as one of the Two Parties.

Oh sure, there are a few good apples Alan Graysons, but on the whole they pretty much suck.

I do not pledge allegiance to a flag and I do not pledge allegiance to a party. What I care about is what actually gets done, and I’m not happy about much of that lately.

And I do have a take on Afghanistan. Let’s get the fuck out.

Fuck it, Matt Taibbi said it fairly well for me this morning.

@SanFranLefty: After Dark pretty much ran its course — interesting perversions are difficult to, um, come by every week. And the Jams have been superceded by the Clubhouse.

Plus, I don’t want to overstate things — a challenge is not a crisis. There’s plenty of asshattery I pass over, because it’s just retreads. I don’t have a particular interest in being shocked! by every calculated outrage from Malkin or Limbaugh, and even Beck has to put on a show to get my attention. Prommie’s thumbnail reviews don’t bother me — I’m happy with what I can find, and I’ll resort to Blogfill if nothing meets the standard.

I also noticed this problem beginning as the Town Halls started grabbing attention — the healthcare reform process is agonizing, and of course it grabs all the political headlines. (That, and local races I can’t get excited about.) So it’s looking for crumbs right now — we already know that Congress is in AHIP’s pocket — at least until Cap’n Trade takes center stage.

Oh, and the czars bore me, too.

But all that’s part of the rhythm. Friend tells the story of living in Dallas, and the morning shock jocks were griping about the dull traffic reports. “Okay, everybody,” one of them said. “Switch lanes!”

@Pedonator: Well, that pretty much sums it up. But, I’m afraid I’m a pessimist. It won’t change, and we are living through what will be cited as an epic shift in history books to come, if we survive long enough for them to be written.

@baked: How hard would you hit it?

@Pedonator: I’m with Ped. As much as we needed mock outlets during the Caligutard Imperium, there is plenty that is mock worthy these days. Got to keep ’em honest, right?

@IanJ: chunder, heh, good one.

@Prom & MellBell: We’d be Stormy Chasers!

@baked: Friars’ Club. You gadfly. Who is this Barris person?

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: It’s my little tribute to noje. You don’t recognize his hero? Hint: Sarah made him wear a bag over his head to bed.

Personally – and I know you’re all dying to know what I think, I find it restful to check in here. It’s the only place I post since commenting online is one of life’s more futile endeavors. But I enjoy the company. People often have amusing and/or interesting things to say. I enjoy hearing about all kinds of different experiences. It’s a diverse group – slightly lawyer-heavy, but whatevs – and I enjoy that. I like to be holding someone’s hand as I peer into the abyss. It’s a comfort to know one is not alone. And I know we relate in a fictional world but there is something intimate in the anonymity. As I remarked yesterday, in life I’m not actually a nitwit. I only play one on the tubes. It’s restful. And I’m seeing new bylines pop up. Which is a good thing. I’ve been enjoying a period of relative calm (for me) but it’s back to work next week so I might not be around as much. Others will take up the slack (as if!).

But speaking as a foreigner I find out a great deal here. As before stated I didn’t go to school here. Well, not a real school, I attended drama school – NOT Julliard. Interesting fact: of my class of 200 there are 3 of us who are still working in some capacity in show biz. And I enjoy hearing from Stinque Law about the day’s issues even though it makes my head hurt. But let’s face it, I’m not going to be able to get by on my looks forever.

@SanFranLefty: Errr. I don’t know thing one about leading a discussion about anything. I do have the book, though. Maybe I should put down this idiot box and read it.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches:
love ya
but I came here to escape the “serious” community.

humor is the very best weapon IMO.

and the best revenge.

@Jamie Sommers:
that made me spit up on my keyboard.

@The Nabisco Quiver are Go!: @mellbell: Stormy Chasers, thats brills, darlings. I am surprised how difficult it is to find her schedule (its much easier to find pictures of even the most elusive parts of her anatomy, even the kind of things that are hard to find in person, with your hands), and we may have missed an opportunity, it was LAST weekend that she danced in Harrisburg, for several days, in a local strip joint. Her next announced appearance is in North Carolina, I think, on the 29th, IIRC, I am not going there. I suppose they can’t reveal her schedule too far in advance, as a senate candidate, and a prominent american, and one who represents all that is great in our country, she must be a high priority target for al queda, so if she reveals her schedule too far in advance, they will be able to plan ahead. I mean, when W said “they hate us for our freedoms,” he was talking about her, right?


Chuck Barris?

cute little 70’s game show host and part time assassin:

the twist there being that it was based on a story that, while allegedly true, just as likely never happened. ‘Confessions’ though is willing to give Chuck Barris the benefit of the doubt in regards to his dubious claims to have been a secret assassin for the CIA in the midst of his days as a game show host, giving life to such controversial classic as ‘the Gong Show’ and ‘the Dating Game’ while taking it from a range of human targets around the globe.

@Prommie: I now, officially, know People. They learn Stuff. Let me see…

But yeah, she inaugurated the (apparently) first peeler bar in the town I already called Ho’burg, no doubt enlisting hordes of new campaign volunteers. Although Im still on story one of Consider the Lobster which laughingly describes how pron fans become jello when confronted by their ‘candidates’ in the flesh.

@The Nabisco Quiver are Go!: What kills me is that they made a New Wave Hookers 5. (Yes, I saw the original in the mid 80s.)

@The Nabisco Quiver are Go!: Haven’t started, but the last, what, 70 pages are taken up by an essay I’ve already read, so there’s hope yet of finishing it.

I just finished Les Miz as you’re no doubt sick of hearing and am reading the new Barbara Ehrenreich. Doubt I’ll get to Lobster book but maybe.


OH! ALW! I thought it was a production shot from some live-action version of The Wind in the Willows.

@Benedick: I just finished John Krakauer’s book Under The Banner Of Heaven. Makes we want to upgrade my RML Home Defense Arsenal to nuclear capability.

@Benedick: Liked Nickel and Dimed.

@Benedick: Yepper. It’s the final straw for a lot of people thinking about leaving the church.

@JNOV takes the bait: She’s just so damned smart. I’m only at the beginning and she’s writing about being diagnosed with breast cancer and it’s some of the most interesting and affecting stuff I’ve ever read on the topic. Well worth a read.

@Benedick: I’ll have to check it out. I just finished the first essay in the Lobster book. I have to noodle it around in my brain some. The next essay/book review beats up Updike, but DFW says he actually liked Updike. DFW had some big balls. I believe the short story “Consider the Lobster” was written for Gourmet, and I’m not going to spoil anything, but if you only read one story, read that one.

ADD: You can find it here.

@Capt Howdy: The movie version of Confessions did us the cultural service of unearthing the long-rumored (and long-denied) “up the butt” clip from The Dating Game. Turned out Barris had been sitting on it all along.

@Benedick: Did you read The Year of Magical Thinking? I’ve been meaning to get around to that and to Hair Story: Untangling the Story of Black Hair in America.

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