Looks like French Thetans are reporting to their landing stations today, thanks to a ruling in France that’s forcing the French branch of Scientology (preciously called, “Scientologie”) to pay up to a million bucks in fines.

There were two separate charges of fraud and extortion, filed by two women. One forked over about $40,000 for… well, whatever stupid shit Scientology makes you fork over money for. But the second, I believe, cut to the heart of France’s sense of entitlement:

Read more »

At one point during Monday night’s Green Day show at Madison Square Garden, Billie Joe Armstrong announced that he needed someone on stage who could play the guitar:

If that little girl in her Misfits shirt and her pigtails can get up on stage at Madison Square Garden and absolutely own it, there is hope for the future. That is all.

The baby Jesus made sure I came across this gem of a website today, the Lord’s Day. I present for you, without comment, some of the more interesting answers. Peace be with you!

When the Rapture happens, God will take the Christians who have died and the Christians who are still alive and bring them up to heaven, where they will get new bodies that will be beautiful and perfect.

Unlike everyone else, Jesus never did anything wrong. He never sinned by doing bad things. He never stole anything or disobeyed his parents or said bad words or mean things.

It’s not fun to be sick, but being sick reminds you that the world has a sin problem.

The ark could have held 522 railroad box cars! So dinosaurs could have fit inside the ark.

Read more »

Ladies and gentlemen, your foreign correspondent brings you good tidings from Il Bel Paese – and I introduce you to our very own hot mess right wing nutjob, Mara Carfagna!

Adorable, isn’t she?  Yeah, she sucks; I’ll tell you why in a minute. But lest you think I’m grasping at straws to make the “hottie” comparison, join me after the jump for a photo from her previous career.

Read more »

Of all the heinously criminal dealings that have the potential to bring down Silvio Berlusconi, it seems as though he might just be done in by an 18-year-old chippie named Noemi Letizia. The irony, of course, is that it was La Berlusca himself who single-handedly created an Italian culture that couldn’t give a shit about real issues, but sinks its teeth into a scandal like a fucking pit bull.
Read more »

Nothing says, "I'm more of a badass than Ann Coulter" like a leather vest and chola makeup.

“If you take your kids to see Watchmen, you’re a moron.

If you see it yourself, you’re also probably a moron and a vapid, indecent human being.”

That’s how Debbie Schlussel, D-list Ann Coulter wannabe, begins her thoughtful, measured review of this year’s biggest box office hit. She’s a real charmer, our Debbie.

Now, I agree with the first statement – and apparently, so does the Motion Picture Association of America, which gave the film an R rating. But does the second statement not, by default, name her as a vapid, indecent human being? Oh, right, she was just performing a service for dull-minded parents who do whatever their kids tell them to do.

If you’re wondering why her name sounds familiar, you might know her as the author of a twice-weekly column entitled, “Debbie Does Politics.” She is a role model for the children, really.  And drag queens.

Read more »

This photo of a forlorn-looking Eiffel Tower was taken by me, your intrepid Foreign Correspondent, at midnight on New Year’s Eve to document the fact that THERE WERE NO FIREWORKS. Little did I know, however, that all the action was happening out in les banlieues of Paris and beyond, where Champagne and canapés have been replaced by the annual torching of cars to ring in the New Year.
Read more »

You thought that snoozer the other night was the final time Obama and McCain faced off on the hard-hitting issues of the day?  Oh-ho no, children.  As any ardent fan of West Wing knows, the Al Smith Dinner is the make-or-break moment of any Presidential campaign.

After the jump, both candidates’ speeches for your consideration.
Read more »