Ars Longueur

Fired Island.Title: “Trump: The Art of the Deal”

Authors: Donald J. Trump and Tony Schwartz

Rank: 88

Blurb: “Even a maverick plays by rules”

Review: “Hope he wins the Presidency. Voting for him. Was wavering toward others but they have a lot of serious crimes against humanity, the business world in their past. A couple politicians committed murder. I won’t mention who. Anyone can do a search-investigation. Its covered up due to the money they pay, people they silence.”

Customers Also Bought: “Commercial Real Estate Investing For Dummies”

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They Learned It From You

Everybody must get stoned.Title: “It IS About Islam: Exposing the Truth About ISIS, Al Qaeda, Iran, and the Caliphate”

Author: Glenn Beck

Rank: 3

Blurb: “Drawing on quotes from the Koran and the hadith, as well as from leaders of ISIS, Al Qaeda, and the Muslim Brotherhood, Glenn Beck seeks to expose the true origins of Islamic extremism as well as the deadly theological motivations behind these agencies of destruction.”

Review: “Do you think that Islam is a religion of Peace? Examine the teachings.”

Customers Also Bought: “Hands Off My Gun: Defeating the Plot to Disarm America” by Dana Loesch

Footnote: “And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him: as well the stranger, as he that is born in the land, when he blasphemeth the name of the LORD, shall be put to death.” (Leviticus 24:16)

It IS About Islam [Amazon]

Yvonne Craig (1937-2015)

Batgirl? Really?


The Hugest, Greatest, Classiest Conch Ever

Sucks to your ass-mar!Title: “Lord of the Flies”

Author: William Golding

Rank: 48

Ten Quotes That Have Absolutely Nothing To Do With The Republican Presidential Field:

  • “This is our island. It’s a good island. Until the grownups come to fetch us we’ll have fun.”
  • “Simon found he was looking into a vast mouth. There was blackness within, a blackness that spread.”
  • “Maybe there is a beast… maybe it’s only us.”

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The Gift That Keeps On Grieving

Father Knows Beasts.Title: “Plunder and Deceit”

Author: Mark R. Levin

Rank: 5

Blurb: “This essential new book is, against all odds, a likeminded appeal to reason and audacity — one intended for all Americans but particularly the rising generation. Younger people must find the personal strength and will to break through the cycle of statist manipulation, unrelenting emotional overtures, and the pressure of groupthink, which are humbling, dispiriting, and absorbing them; to stand up against the heavy hand of centralized government, which if left unabated will assuredly condemn them to economic and societal calamity.”

Review: “I have lots of estrogen in my family… four daughters from the age of 12 to 30. I’m ordering 4 additional books because they are both ‘plundered’ and ‘deceived’… and Mark Levin’s book rationally outlines why.”

Customers Also Bought: Twenty other books your children will hate you for buying for them.

Footnote: How early was your 12-year-old daughter turned off by your politics?

Plunder and Deceit [Amazon]

Choose Your Own Misadventure!

Second prize is a set of steak knives.

Of the many, many, many metaphors available to us — well, honestly, we can’t choose. There’s the Clown Car, of course, or Stealers Wheel (ask your parents!), or Wigstock, or Usual Suspects, or…

Really, folks: This is so ridiculous, nobody’s even bothering to find Incriminating Corndog Photos yet.

So we throw up our hands and welcome you to our GOP Debate Open Thread/Cleveland Steamer. Word to the wise: If you plan on making Hair Jokes, you’re gonna have a lot of competition.

Err Club for Men

Happiness is a Short-Fingered Vulgarian.Title: “Time to Get Tough: Making America #1 Again”

Author: Donald J. Trump

Rank: 82

Blurb: “President Obama has been a disaster for this country. He’s wrecked our economy, saddled our children with debt, and gone around the world apologizing for America — as if the greatest nation in the world needed to apologize for being the land of opportunity and freedom that we were before Obama became president.”

Review: “The Republican Party morphed into the Republicrat Party way back and the ‘silent majority’ knows it. Trump may be the potential Winston Churchill true conservatives hope and pray he truly is. If he NEVER apologizes (instant death) and continues to take on the collective enemy of America, he will be the POTUS who will undoubtedly restore America to the great nation it once was. No ‘politically correct’ apologetic Republicrat can do it.”

Customers Also Bought: “The Mystery of the Shemitah: The 3,000-Year-Old Mystery That Holds the Secret of America’s Future, the World’s Future, and Your Future!”

Footnote: A Sanders-Trump race would be fucking awesome.

Time to Get Tough [Amazon]