Stephen Hawking has a new book, and here’s all you need to know about it:

God did not create the universe, world-famous physicist Stephen Hawking argues in a new book that aims to banish a divine creator from physics.

Hawking says in his book “The Grand Design” that, given the existence of gravity, “the universe can and will create itself from nothing,” according to an excerpt published Thursday in The Times of London.

If we might digress — which is purely a formality, since we’ll do it anyway — we’re reminded of our early years in America’s Godless Public Schools, when both the Big Bang and plate tectonics were considered stoner science (fifth-grade requirement), worth an obligatory mention but not really to be taken seriously. There was just something suspiciously dooooood about them.

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We just can’t get the festive out of us today, and now Chicago dentist William DeJean is joining in the fun, blowing five grand to produce this Hillary 2012 television ad that will run in New Orleans, Washington, New York, Los Angeles, and maybe Houston.

When asked why he put the ad up, DeJean told CNN Thursday that “I’m a dentist and I don’t think this country is headed in the right direction.”

And really, America, you don’t want Angry Dentists messing around inside your mouth.

Hillary Clinton for president ad hits airwaves [CNN, via Weigel]

“The Justice Department filed a civil lawsuit Thursday against Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Arizona’s Maricopa County, accusing him and his agency of stonewalling a probe into policing practices that some call discriminatory against Hispanics.” [WSJ]

While we’re in a festive mood today, let’s all gather around the digital hearth and enjoy Jan Brewer at… uh… um… er… last night’s Arizona governor debate.

[via Political Wire]

The U.S. Coast Guard is reporting that an off-shore oil rig has exploded 80 miles south of Louisiana and west of the Deep Horizon site.  The blast occurred at 9:30 am Central Daylight Time, rescue crews are en route.

Updates to follow…

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With the holiday weekend almost upon us, please enjoy this festive clip of The Former Vice War Criminal of These United States explaining exactly what would happen if Our Glorious Republic toppled Saddam Hussein.

In 1994.

What? Oh, we’re sorry. Turns out that’s not very festive at all. We regret our profound lapse in editorial judgment.

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We’d offer a Carolina Hurricanes theme, but (a) hockey’s still a month off, and (b) I’m still bent about them moving the Whalers out of Hartford.  So it’s a Dixie Chicks reference.  Deal.  Anyway, the 2300 EDT advisory from the one, the only National Hurricane Center… Earl’s packing heat on the order of 140 mph, with hurricane force winds extending about 60 knots out from the eye and pressure at 27.52″.  Best guess is glancing blow at the Outer Banks, then a direct hit for Martha’s Vineyard, Nantucket, and eventually Nova Scotia.  (Because those bastards in Nova Scotia really had it coming, that’s why.)  Evacuations in N.C. to elevate from “if it’s not too much trouble” to “get the FUCK off the island” by tomorrow a.m.