nojo

Not All Alaskans

Our mother recently discovered a photo of our grandfather’s high-school basketball team. This in itself was a surprise, since we had no idea Grandpa played basketball. Or, for that matter, that he was once young, because the eternal role of grandparents is to seem unbelievably old to their grandchildren.

Douglas High School won 12 of 16 games that year, almost doubling their opponents’ points, then went on to take the league championship.

The year was 1923. Douglas was, and is, in Juneau, Alaska, where both our mother and godmother grew up. Close friends, they would leave for college together, and eventually raise families within a short drive of each other. We watched the first Moon landing from our godparents’ house.

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Whos on First

You’re a mean one, with an unconvincing character arc.Title: “How the Grinch Stole Christmas!”

Author: Dr. Seuss

Rank: 61

Blurb: “The Grinch, whose heart is two sizes too small, hates Who-ville’s holiday celebrations, and plans to steal all the presents to prevent Christmas from coming. To his amazement, Christmas comes anyway, and the Grinch discovers the true meaning of the holiday.”

Review: “I don’t get the story. What makes it so good? I love how the Grinch is sooooo bad, but am extremely disapointed how quickly his little heart turns to mush.”

Customers Also Bought: The cartoon, of course.

Footnote: And what’s the deal with Little Red Riding Hood? Have you ever looked at a wolf? Does a wolf even vaguely resemble a human? And speaking of wolves, do you have any idea how much wind it takes to knock down a wooden structure? Magic realism has gone too far.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas! [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]

Kennebunkum

President Palin, meet President Quayle.Title: “41: A Portrait of My Father”

Author: George W. Bush

Rank: 2

Blurb: “Never before has a President told the story of his father, another President, through his own eyes and in his own words.”

Review: “GHW Bush was the last of the true gentlemen to hold the office of President.”

Customers Also Bought: “George W. Bush Bobblehead”

Footnote: True Gentlemen leave the messy business to Lee Atwater.

41 [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]

Everything But The Fish-Slapping Dance

Life got you down? Country swirling around the drain? Planet about to finally fulfill the promise of Seventies apocalyptic movies? We have a cure for what ails ya.

Indistinguishable from Magic

“Why shouldn’t I open this unknown email attachment?”Title: “Stonewalled: My Fight for Truth Against the Forces of Obstruction, Intimidation, and Harassment in Obama’s Washington”

Author: Sharyl Attkisson

Rank: 34

Blurb: “Who’s been hacking Sharyl Attkisson’s computers? Computers that turn themselves on in the night, make strange noises, then shut themselves down. Whoever is doing it is using highly sophisticated spyware available only to our top intelligence agencies. Is someone sending Attkisson a message?”

Review: “Haven’t started to read it yet, but will shortly.”

Customers Also Bought: “After America: Get Ready for Armageddon” by Mark Steyn

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America Fall Down Go Boom

One unexpected benefit of cutting the cable cord last spring is that we can’t wallow in gloomy election-night coverage. We can, however, wallow in YouTube disaster-movie montages, so here’s New York getting repeatedly blasted off the face of the Earth to accompany your apocalyptic musings.

Grandchild Abuse

Captain, I think that fat fuck is a spy.Title: “Rush Revere and the American Revolution: Time-Travel Adventures With Exceptional Americans”

Author: Rush Limbaugh

Rank: 2

Blurb: “Liberty, my wisecracking horse, our old friends Cam, Tommy, Freedom, and I are off to meet some super-brave soldiers in the year 1775.”

Review: “The picture of a surgeon’s saw was very sobering.”

Customers Also Bought: “Agenda 21: Into the Shadows” by Glenn Beck

Footnote: A continental army can never have too much lard.

Rush Revere and the American Revolution [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]