nojo

Trump Delivers Iowa Concession Speech

I Will Be Your Father Figure

Obey.Title: “The Collapse of Parenting: How We Hurt Our Kids When We Treat Them Like Grown-Ups”

Author: Leonard Sax

Rank: 88

Blurb: “Many parents are afraid of seeming too dictatorial, and end up abdicating their authority rather than taking a stand with their own children. If kids refuse to eat anything green and demand pizza instead, some parents give in, inadvertently raising children who are more likely to become obese. If children are given smartphones and allowed to spend the bulk of their free time texting, playing video games, and surfing the Internet, they become increasingly reliant on peers and the media for guidance on how to live, rather than looking to their parents.”

Blurb from One of Our Nation’s Foremost Compulsive Gamblers: “The family unit is in unprecedented decline and under assault from a wide variety of cultural forces.” —Bill Bennett

Read more »

Colour My Curses

Your fucking keywords are no good here.Titles/Ranks:

  • “Adult Coloring Books: Swear Word Coloring Books” (#1)
  • “The Sweary Coloring Book for Adults (Swear Word Coloring Book)” (#2)
  • “Swear Word Adult Coloring Book: 30 Stress Relief Words to Color” (#5)
  • “Swear word coloring book: Relaxation Series : Coloring Books For Adults, coloring books for adults relaxation, coloring book for grown ups, COLORAMA Coloring Book (Volume 2)” (#9)
  • “Swear Word Adult Coloring Book: Hilarious Sweary Coloring book For Fun and Stress Relieve” (#21)
  • “Swear Word Coloring Book #2: An Adult Coloring Book of 40 Hilarious, Rude and Funny Swearing and Cursing Designs” (#43)
  • “Swear Word Coloring Book: The Joy of Sweary Curse Words for Adults” (#46)
  • “Swear word coloring book: Relaxation Series : Coloring Books For Adults, coloring books for adults relaxation, coloring book for grown ups, COLORAMA Coloring Book (Volume 1)” (#53)
  • “Sweary Coloring Book: Swear Words Coloring Book with Swearing” (#54)

Read more »

The One When We Really Were Greeted as Liberators

Soon to be a Major Motion Abomination.Title: “13 Hours: The Inside Account of What Really Happened In Benghazi”

Author: Mitchell Zuckoff

Rank: 45 (“#1 Best Seller in African History”)

Blurb: “A team of six American security operators fought to repel the attackers and protect the Americans stationed there… This is their personal account, never before told, of what happened during the thirteen hours of that now-infamous attack.”

Review: “Hopefully, an ‘updated’ version is printed after Hillary goes to federal prison.”

Customers Also Bought: “Glock Reference Guide”

Footnote: Glad to see we’re all on the same page! We’ll get to your show-trial of Hillary as soon as we’re done prosecuting the politicians who ignored the Bin Laden memo and ginned up a baseless war in Iraq.

13 Hours [Amazon]

Forced Blissing

80 percent of success is showing up in the Top 100.Title: “Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear”

Author: Elizabeth Gilbert

Rank: 59

Blurb: “From the worldwide bestselling author of Eat Pray Love: the path to the vibrant, fulfilling life you’ve dreamed of.”

Review: “YES YES YES YES YES!”

Review That Doesn’t Sound Like Meg Ryan Faking It: “If you’ve read a lot already, you’ll know that there isn’t necessarily anything ‘new’ here on the subject but rather, as always, some clever packaging and a unique POV.”

Customers Also Bought: Amazingly, only one book by Oprah.

Footnote: After years of seeing these kinds of books in the Amazon bestseller list, it’s clear the America is as gendered as ever: Chick Books celebrate your Inner Nurturer, while Dude Books release your Inner Warrior. But to the point: There’s nothing you can do about creativity except surrender to it.

Big Magic [Amazon]

I Hate Spunk

My Brilliant Self-Involved Career.Title: “Better Than Before: What I Learned About Making and Breaking Habits — to Sleep More, Quit Sugar, Procrastinate Less, and Generally Build a Happier Life”

Author: Gretchen Rubin

Rank: 98

Blurb: “Rubin uses herself as guinea pig, tests her theories on family and friends, and answers readers’ most pressing questions — oddly, questions that other writers and researchers tend to ignore.”

Review: “I know way more about Gretchen’s life, thoughts, and feelings than I want to.”

Customers Also Bought: “The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun” by Gretchen Rubin, and “Happier at Home: Kiss More, Jump More, Abandon Self-Control, and My Other Experiments in Everyday Life” by Gretchen Rubin

Footnote: Gretchen Rubin doesn’t need a vacuum to suck all the air out of a room.

Better Than Before [Amazon]

Spoil Amongst Yourselves

Han Should Have Shot First.Title: “Sphero BB-8 App-Enabled Droid”

Rank: 1 (RC Figures & Robots)

Blurb: “This is the Droid You’re Looking For.”

Reasons to Spear Your Dad If He Doesn’t Buy You One: “BB-8 has something unlike any other robot — an adaptive personality that changes as you play. Based on your interactions, BB-8 will show a range of expressions and even perk up when you give voice commands. Set it to patrol and watch your Droid explore autonomously, make up your own adventure and guide BB-8 yourself, or create and view holographic recordings.”

Review: “Introduced him to my cats.”

Customers Also Bought: “Thermos Novelty Lunch Kit, Star Wars R2D2 with Lights and Sound”

Footnote: Our office is a converted loading dock with a spacious concrete floor. One of our partners got this for Christmas. Nobody’s getting any work done next week.

BB-8 App-Enabled Droid [Amazon]