We’re sure that State College, Pennsylvania, is a wonderful town, and its parking-lot parties are almost as fun as the Stinque Tailgate, but when six inches of snow obliterates 20,000 parking spaces for the Penn State-Minnesota game, we just can’t help ourselves.

Then again, maybe their parties are more fun, what with the local Fox affiliate calling them “infamous tailgating”. Perhaps that drunk-driving “risking catastrophe” incident last month has something to do with it.

Tailgating banned at Penn State after snow buries several lots [USA Today]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzY5i4A1zgA

We’ve given it a lot of thought, and looking through the universe of possibilities of important news to bring to your attention, we could think of nothing more breathtakingly awesome than Capt. Howdy’s hot tip.

Speaking of the Seventies, we know Maxell did a follow-up ad with a television set. But we can’t find it, so you’ll have to bear with our tawdry reconstruction.

Point being, the California Energy Commission wants to reduce your TV watching. Or short of that, your TV:

The influential lobby group Consumer Electronics Assn. is fighting what appears to be a losing battle to dissuade California regulators from passing the nation’s first ban on energy-hungry big-screen televisions.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zt_G6Lq9jWQ

Mean Joe’s Coke, Paul Anka’s Kodak theme — Glenn Beck misses the simpler times when we were all united in our love for sentimental product commercials.

We were also united in our hatred for Nixon, our fear of long gas lines, our disgust with the Vietnam War, and an unforgivable attraction to Tony Orlando & Dawn. All that plus wide lapels and bellbottoms!

But we’ll let a YouTube commenter have the last word: “How about you go back to a time before Fox News?”

Having failed in his attempt to escape the country using the cover story of an offshore reality show, Rod Blagojevich has now apparently joined the cast of Donald Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice. NBC won’t confirm, but Blago was seen on the show’s set.

Bonus Sport Douchebag Extra: Darryl Strawberry!

Bret Michaels, Cyndi Lauper Join Celebrity Apprentice [People]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGhIQP801fc

When he wasn’t upchucking, Falcon also told CNN, “We did this for the show.” Some are taking that as proof the whole thing was a hoax, but we’re not confident about his line-reading.

Police to quiz family over ‘balloon boy’ hoax suspicions [AFP/Raw Story]

The Management must again apologize for mentioning Sport and Rush Limbaugh before breakfast, especially since we thought it was safe to ignore both once Limbaugh’s team-buying partners threw him over the gondola.

But alas, the story does not end there. No, friends, the real story is just beginning, a story that can only end with the fall of the Republic and the triumph of cannibal anarchy:

Dittoheads are boycotting the NFL.

How could it come to this? How could the last thread holding our precious union together be unraveled? We begin, as we must, with Rush himself, speaking truth to the power he could not buy:

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