Our guest columnist this morning is The Onion, for reminding us why we haven’t been able to listen to NPR for twenty years, even if we did slip in a Duck’s Breath gag Monday.

And no, we don’t know what makes a three-year-old piece suddenly relevant, but Kottke linked to it, and Kottke’s on the Time 100 list of Blogs That Aren’t Stinque, so he must be doing something right.

CHICAGO—Producers of the long-running Chicago Public Radio program This American Life announced Monday that they have completed their comprehensive 12-year survey of life as a modern upper-middle-class American.

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“Key Senate Democrats offered, during a White House meeting with President Barack Obama and skeptical Republicans on Tuesday, to scale back their ambitious plans to cap greenhouse gases across multiple sectors of the economy.” [Politico]

Sharron Angle would like you to know that rape is just God’s way of telling you it’s time to step up and take some responsibility:

MANDERS: Is there any reason at all for an abortion?

ANGLE: Not in my book.

MANDERS: So, in other words, rape and incest would not be something?

ANGLE: You know, I’m a Christian, and I believe that God has a plan and a purpose for each one of our lives and that he can intercede in all kinds of situations and we need to have a little faith in many things.

Good to know. The next time Angle is the victim of a violent assault, we’ll celebrate the occasion as Divine Intervention.

Sharron Angle Is Against Abortion In The Case Of Rape Or Incest: It Would Interfere With God’s ‘Plan’ [ThinkProgress]

“They’re snuffing out the America that I grew up in,” Boehner said. “Right now, we’ve got more Americans engaged in their government than at any time in our history. There’s a political rebellion brewing, and I don’t think we’ve seen anything like it since 1776.” [Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, via Political Wire]

You’re forgiven if you haven’t been following The Great Flash War, which pits Apple’s iGadgets against Adobe’s porn-enabling browser software. Flash, which brings you most of the intrusive advertising you’ve come to love about the Internet, has been missing from the iPhone and its progeny from the start.

Actually, it’s been missing from every other phone as well. But that’s another story.

The deal here is that Apple doesn’t want Flash getting between your fingers and its lovable smudgable glass screens. Android has invited Flash to its party, but Adobe’s showing up fashionably late to that one.

It’s all been very entertaining, if you’re the type who’s entertained by such things. And like all good Geek Religious Wars, it’s been entirely pointless: Folks will vote with their wallets. End of story.

Or so we thought.

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Rand Paul showed up at the Christian Homeschool Educators of Kentucky conference on Friday. If you have better things to do than sit through a nine-minute clip — and who doesn’t? — the fun begins right at the start:

Question: “How old is the world?”

Answer: “I’m going to pass on the age of the Earth.”

Thank you, Dr. Science.

Remember: He’s not a real opthamologist!

Rand Paul refuses to say how old the earth is [Barefoot and Progressive]

“Rod Blagojevich seriously considered asking Chicago heavyweight Oprah Winfrey to take over the Senate seat vacated by Barack Obama. ‘Nobody would assail this pick,’ he says in tapes recorded on Nov. 21, 2008. ‘It’s huge!’” [NBC Chicago]