Poontang-crazed family-values GOP icon and South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford has been on a pestorking rampage for who knows how long, trashing his wife and kids like the wanton, diabolical Republican reptile he is, no doubt regaling his harem with stories about his wife’s sexual incompetence and praising their expert service in satisfying his most savage, monstrous GOP lusts.

The only reason that Sanford even did his confessional freakout is because The State newspaper editor called his bestest buddy and former chief of staff Tom Davis and told him, hey, we got the dope on the Argentinean poon tango and the phones are ringing off the hook here with tales of a lawless, relentless pestork-o-rama from women from all over – three and counting.

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Picture of Sanford's Poon Tango's Lair Where They Celebrated Sanford's Family Values With Some Savage Pestorking

Gov. Mark Sanford’s Argentinian poon tango’s identity has finally been revealed by an inquisitive press, determined to find out what kind of hot, dewy quivering piece of ass would temp the family-values fucktard to fly around the world for some attempted surreptitious pestorking.

Legendary Stinquer SanFranLefty is not budging from her contention that the poon tango is a schlong-packing transvestite, betting the mumber of tranny’s in Buenos Aires and Sanford’s political affiliation make it statistically improbable that his poon tango is really female. Still, despite SFL’s skepticism, the media has revealed some details about the affair’s protagonist.

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Disgraced GOP Senator John Ensign’s career of adulterous evil is only just coming to light, with not one but now two Republican strumpets emerging from out of his damp, quivering past and putting the lie to his lavish posturing and condemnations of his political contemporaries’ morals.

First, this sleazy rancid hypocritical fuck admits to hosing a staffer’s wife, Cynthia ‘Cindy’ Hampton [below] who came forward this week and admitted to pestorking the bejesus out of Sen. Ensign, no doubt fishing for an agent to represent her tell-all tale of cackling GOP lechery and savage debauchery. Hilarity ensued as the media remembered all of Ensign’s elaborate condemnations of Bill Clinton and Sen. Larry Craig for getting extra-marital blow-jobs – that he apparently believed only he deserved – and demanding their resignatons.

Now, the Associated Press reports that Ensign and his wayward schlong have been involved in yet another illicit tryst:

The disclosure resurrected questions about a two-week period in 2002, when Ensign abruptly dropped from public view. A person familiar with that episode, speaking on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the matter, said Tuesday the senator told a close associate the absence followed an earlier affair.

No doubt, the parade of Ensign’s extramarital fuck buddies has just begun. Who knows who or what could appear now that Ensign’s schlong gobblers are leaping from the weeds in increasing numbers.

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Twisted GOP Royals Poppy and Babs Bush Recently Purchased Sex Slaves to Entertain Them and Sastisfy Their Caligulan Impulses. Babs chuckles at the gonads being thrust into her face. Poppy, the debauched, senescent fuckwit, drools incontinently.

Poppy and Babs Bush have reportedly lost the trained bear that they used for savage sexual satisfaction at their Maine redoubt for the last 30 years and replaced him with a brother-sister pair from Odessa they bought from a white slave trader who brokers hookers and slave boys for Iraqi mercenaries.

“We got a great discount on Albena and Igor,” said Poppy. “It was kind of a party favor for the deal Cheney got for a sex-slave broker buddy servicing the Blackwater guys and gals and other Iraqi contrators. Great deal and I think we got the pick of the litter. Otherwise, we’d have to train another fuck bear and Babs is too old for that now.”

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Hal Turner is pictured, telling Sean Hannity how much he wants to fuck him in the ass while they watch the Nuremberg rallies together

One of Sean Hannity’s favorite on air personalities is neonazi psycopath Hal Turner, a fascist monster who shouts on the Internet and openly fantacizes about genocide, the kind of thing that Hannity would like to program on his show.

Turner’s foaming incitements to violence finally caught the notice of the gendarmes after he demanded that his mouthbreathing listeners rush out and kill two Connecticut state legislators, the stupid fucking piece of shit, resulting in his arrest.

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Rush, please, just fucking die.

Neonazi hatecaster Rush Limbaugh is so fat he uses the Chrysler Building in New York City for a rectal dildo.

Limbaugh is so fat he has to send search and rescue teams to locate his dick when he has to take a piss.

Fuckface Limbaugh is so fat that when he sits around the house, he really sits around the house.

Drug-freak Limbaugh is so fat that the Big and Tall shops have banned him and can only wear custom-tailored parachutes.

Thrice-divorced psychopath Limbaugh is so fat the only way he can have sex is to bend over a dumpster while Punkin cat grinds the gears on a Greyhound bus and drives it in and out of his asshole.

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A south-central Pennsylvania GOP mayoral candidate was arrested this week and arraigned on two felonies and two misdemeanors in connection with an alleged relationship with a pre-teen from the conservative candidate’s church group.

The cops alleged that Gregory J. Nies of Lititz, PA., inappropriately touched, hugged and kissed the girl, being raised by grandparents locally, when she stayed over at his family’s home between June 2002 and October 2004.

Nies, 56, the cops alleged, on some eight occasions would paw the girl in the basement of his home, where he lives with his wife and children, informing her, “this is what dads do.”

[Intelligencer Journal] Sex Case Ensnares Lititz Man

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