Sanford’s Poon Tango Identified at Last

So, they were talking about seed swapping and it got out of hand. Is that what happened?

I used to live across from the National Zoo. Sometimes late at night you could hear the cheetahs talking. Nothing loud enough to drown out the sounds of sex however.

R.I.P. Farrah Fawcett

@Dodgerblue: Plow that field, Governor. Listen to the engines purr.

@SanFranLefty:
She might have been crazy, but she (among others) cemented my heterosexuality.

I thought everybody in Argentina has ravenous wall-pounding sex. Or is that Brazil?

In some way, I feel sorry for the mistress, even though she full well knew what she was doing. And for Sanford’s children.

@SanFranLefty: I has a sad.

@nojo: Or both? I would feel better about life if it were both.

And now the hunt is on for a photo of Maria Belen Shapur … demonstrating again that you should never, ever fuck a Republican.

One reason I think Sanford is toast as far as his marriage is concerned: He made it more than evident, for all the world to see, that he is in love with Maria. In some ways, that makes him a much better human being than the jackasses who are all “it was just sex–she meant nothing to me” but it’s a lot harder for a wife to take than “meaningless” sex with a hooker. It’s humiliating to have your husband caught having sex with another woman, but it’s devastating to have him confess to “crying for five days” over having to break up with a woman he loves.

@Mistress Cynica: I think we may be reaching a consensus here that he ought to tell Mrs. SkilSaw goodbye, resign the governorship, and move to Argentina to be with the woman he loves. No?

Mark Sanford: I am most jealous of your salad under the tree.

@Dodgerblue: Really, that seems his best option. His political career is over and his marriage can only be a living hell for all parties involved. The only thing that will stop him will be his apparently real belief in a a vengeful Yahweh who would send him to hell forever.

@blogenfreude: Why did he want to stick his dick into the salad, too?

@FlyingChainSaw:
Cause Mark likes food porn (not the traditional Stinquer kind of food porn)?

@Mistress Cynica: @Dodgerblue: If only back in 1997 he hadn’t decried the U.S. Embassy in Argentina as an example of wasteful spending, Barry could take pity on him and appoint him there as some vice-counsel of agricultural affairs.

Karma is such a bitch and she has such a funny sense of humor.

@blogenfreude: “I haven’t felt this since I was in my teen ages, when afterwards I got married.”

Remind me again which one is the native English speaker?

Oops — that was from Maria.

@Mistress Cynica: That’s an interesting observation. I hadn’t taken the time to notice that as I’ve been too busy laughing. The tension between the man’s fantastical ideas of how we are sexual, what it means, and was Patti LuPone really better as Mama Rose than Merman, is what makes me laugh. Expectations that could only lead to personal and, sometimes, professional disaster. I couldn’t read their emails: I thought it too creepy and experienced a certain diminishment of glee. One only has to read his ‘writings’ to see that this man is a mere corporate aparatchik who can only dimly remember what it is to be human. But I must say, his melt-down was spectacular. Will we see its like again?

Personally I hold out hopes for Mitt. Could it be that he has a pink set of magic undies stashed at some, as yet, undisclosed location?

@blogenfreude:

And he replied: “I am most jealous of the moss around your cave.”

Now I’m getting randy.

@Dodgerblue: No, I think everyone agrees he should show up on ESPN with a revolver and a good bye address, donating the pay-per-view proceeds of his on-air suicide to ACORN

The Bridges of Richland County

OK. Since everybody else was doing it I thought I should take a look at the new emails but only made it as far as the first sentence of the first one and came across “You are special and unique and fabulous”. WTF is it with these fundie Republicans and ‘fabulous’? Don’t they know that the only people authorized to use that word are 2nd tier press agents and Tommy Tune?

@SanFranLefty: It’s like all his former proclamations are dancing around him, rattling their chains like Marley’s ghost and laughing demonically. Never has the adage “Those words will come back to haunt you” been so apt.

@Serolf Divad: And he said, “I am ravenous for the dew on your petals.”

@Benedick: He addressed Patti LuPone vs. the immortal Ethel Merman as Mama Rose? Really? I saw Bernadette Peters play the part on a night when she had a cold. Even so, she blew the roof off the place.

@Mistress Cynica: Gov. Sanford lives in South Carolina, he’s a Republican, he’s an evangelical Christian, he’s a hypocrite, he’s married to a woman he doesn’t love, his wife controls the family’s money, he actually appears to be in love with another woman.

Looks to me like he’s already in a hell worse than any mythical character could have concocted.

Will he have the guts of King Edward VIII and give it all up for the woman he loves? Not that Sanford has a cushy gig in his future to equal becoming the Duke of Windsor.

@Dodgerblue: Never say that in a room where more than 4 full-blooded theatre queens are gathered. There will be blood on the floor. To say nothing against M. Peters (didn’t see the show: didn’t see LuPone either, come to that). But you do not mess with tradition without stirring up a whole lot of extremely ugly emotion.

Rush:

“This is almost like, ‘I don’t give a damn, the country’s going to Hell in a handbasket, I just want out of here,'” said Limbaugh. “He had just tried to fight the stimulus money coming to South Carolina. He didn’t want any part of it. He lost the battle. He said, ‘What the Hell. I mean, I’m — the federal government’s taking over — what the Hell, I want to enjoy life.'”

“The point is,” he added, “there are a lot of people whose spirit is just — they’re fed up, saying to Hell with it, I don’t even want to fight this anymore, I just want to get away from it.”

Love it or leave it, pal.

@Dave H: This is true. Also true is that he seems to match Edward in pomposity and the stupids.

@FlyingChainSaw: Someone, somewhere, will do a Mark Sanford Love Letter Generator … bank on it.

@Benedick: So I guess I shouldn’t get started about the recent Sweeney Todd revival with La LuPone in it. And I shouldn’t say it was the best night of theater I’ve ever attended.

@blogenfreude: @nojo: Great angle. The economic stimulus money drove me to Poon Tango. Sure. Shawna’s tax rebate made her kill a nine-year old.

@Dodgerblue: You can say that. I will never hold it against you.

You know it was his wife who tipped off that reporter. “Hey, why don’t hang out at the airport and look for flights coming in from Buenos Aires.”

@Dodgerblue: @homofascist: Sure, but what do you ask? “Hey, hey, asshole, was the pussy really good enough to destroy your family? Do you feel like an asshole, asshole?”

I’m sorry to say it, but I feel my schadenfreude ebbing away the more these details come out. From the choked-up presser to these strangely junior high-esque emails, I just feel sorry for all of them–it’s all so pathetic and wrenching. He’s obviously a moran and a hypocrite, but that’s not enough to make me want to piss all over him. I agree with Cynica’s that it’s much more sympathy-engendering that he actually thinks he’s in love with the woman and is all torn up about it, and it wasn’t just some polished, heartless fling like Spitzer and his call girl. Besides, as humiliating and hurtful this may be for the wife right now, I have a feeling that girl can take care of herself.

@flippin eck:

I’d feel sorry for him too–if he weren’t such an over-the-top asshole.

(Attempted) denying stimulus money to children, the poor and the unemployed… long, horrifying anti-gay track record…undermining public institutions…etc, etc…

Sadly, he’s going to be fine, but the people whose lives he’s spent his political career destroying won’t.

@flippin eck: If he didn’t build his career as a family-values conservative, I’d be a lot more generous.

Wife and kids have the Skil fortune. They’ll do fine.

@Original Andrew: He’ll be banging blue bloods back in Charleston.

@nojo: Perhaps this will encourage the fringe element to have “foreign affairs” rather than shooting people. One can but hope.

@rptrcub: Oooh, I doubt that. He has committed the unforgivable sin for the Southern aristocracy: He got caught, it hit the media, and it was tacky. I saw a quote from a Charleston woman in an AP story that really summed up how the bluebloods there must feel: “We are all mortified, just mortified. It’s all over the news.” (Reminded me of my grandmother’s reaction when my father was murdered: it was such a déclassé way to die, she couldn’t bear that anyone should know of our connection with one who had shown so little taste and discretion in dying. Srsly.) Believe you me, that man will never set foot at the St Cecilia ball again.

@Mistress Cynica: Perhaps he’ll do the honorable thing: give discrete hummers at an I-95 rest area.

@Mistress Cynica:

Oh you’re so right. My own experience growing up in a small Southern town is that in private most people really couldn’t give a damn about hummuhsekshuality, infidelity, drug and alcohol usage, or really any of the more mundane bourgeois facts of life, but for it to become the topic of salacious gossip! and even worse public knowledge! was beyond unacceptable.

That’s when the Hester Prynne-esque shaming begins.

@Mistress Cynica: Wait. He’s Southron Aristocracy???? Srsly????? Him????

Gracious. That I did not know.

@Original Andrew: Exactly. Add to this the fact that he cried in public over a girl–it’s not like his favorite hunting dog died, or some other acceptable reason–and that man has “social pariah” tattooed on his forehead.

Did they listen to Astor Piazzolla while they were pestorking? Do any of the emails mention Piazzolla?

@Benedick: I was really referring to the Charleston bluebloods rptrcub referenced. Sanford has a “family plantation”–but it’s near Beaufort, which isn’t nearly as good as Charleston–and who knows if it’s been in the family since “befo-ah the wa-ah.” He could be descended from carpetbaggers. The horror.

@FlyingChainSaw: I love Piazzolla. I doubt someone who thinks there’s nothing more beautiful than listening to country music playing in the air-conditioned cab over the hum of the diesel engine could appreciate him.

@rptrcub: I thought the Lieutenant Governor of South Crackolina was already taking care of the hummers in the I-95 rest stops?

@Mistress Cynica: The only girls who Southern men are allowed to cry in public about are momma, nanna, sissy, wife, or the cleaning lady, and said crying must occur at the cemetery during the burial.

@Mistress Cynica: I’ve heard the Concerto for Orchestra and Bandoneon live. It’s really a concerto for orchestra, small acoustic jazz ensemble and bandoneon and way raucous.

@flippin eck: I, too, feel a little sorry for the dumb bastard.

@Mistress Cynica:

It’s pearl-clutching and fainting-sofa time.

@FlyingChainSaw: I’ll say it again: Damn you and your discounted Piazzolla CD collection.