Election 2012

Oh Hey, There’s An Election Tonight

Mind you, Chicagoans can give a rat’s ass about the GOP primary. And they could also give another rat’s ass about the Cook County Democratic primary, as it is a done deal for the slated types, as is normal.

But it’s time for the supposedly-moderate Collar Counties to face down the mouthbreathers south of I-80. It says here that this is Romney’s to lose, but we shall see. Jibber jabber away about the Illinois Primary if you’d like.

Me? There’s a Blackhawks game on teevee. so I’ll check in periodically to make sure everything is in its proper orbit and such. Maybe.

Masterdebators.

Like the rest of the country I’ve been glued to the TV for the Republican debates. And as debators go I’d have to give them all high marks. Full disclosure: I’m a bit of a masterdebator myself but I can’t hold a jar of lube to these people.

There can only be one true masterdebator, however. One who towers above the others. One who will say anything, do anything, to score. We’re not in the business of picking number two. And so that we don’t have to think, Media Training has done it for us.

Հայաստանի!

Something kind of charming to take your mind off the horror that is the Republican Top Fox Personality Game Show tonight. Don’t worry, there are only fifteen more.

Happy Hooch Day!

This is my juice and I’m hungry! Breathe coon! Biscuits ain’t for jam! Uh huh.

Bad Lip Read saves the day.

Ron Paul Campaign Engulfed by Eyebrow Scandal.

Has the detestable homunculus from Texas been unmasked as a prettified himbo wannabe?

If, like me, you were transfixed by the mystery of his double eyebrow during the last Republican ‘debate’ (Romney totally won!) today’s New York Times breaks the story: was it an eyebrow toupée that came adrift? How can a man with no eyebrows lead the Free World?

Not Riding Off Into the Sunset

no idea why I chose this photoshopped image

This might be the dumbest thing written on the internet last week:

I thought of another strong, gutsy, bold, stand-on-principles hero, Sarah Palin, in her own modern day version of High Noon. Sheriff Palin rode into America Town on a white horse with conservative guns blazing and saved a dead McCain campaign.

Oh really?

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Puritanical Senator a Wanton Satyr With Private Harem of Savage GOP Harlots

Disgraced GOP Senator John Ensign’s career of adulterous evil is only just coming to light, with not one but now two Republican strumpets emerging from out of his damp, quivering past and putting the lie to his lavish posturing and condemnations of his political contemporaries’ morals.

First, this sleazy rancid hypocritical fuck admits to hosing a staffer’s wife, Cynthia ‘Cindy’ Hampton [below] who came forward this week and admitted to pestorking the bejesus out of Sen. Ensign, no doubt fishing for an agent to represent her tell-all tale of cackling GOP lechery and savage debauchery. Hilarity ensued as the media remembered all of Ensign’s elaborate condemnations of Bill Clinton and Sen. Larry Craig for getting extra-marital blow-jobs – that he apparently believed only he deserved – and demanding their resignatons.

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GOP Harlot Sintheya Hampton Posing in a Rare Moment In Which She Didn’t Have Sen. Ensign’s Dick in Her Mouth

Now, the Associated Press reports that Ensign and his wayward schlong have been involved in yet another illicit tryst:

The disclosure resurrected questions about a two-week period in 2002, when Ensign abruptly dropped from public view. A person familiar with that episode, speaking on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the matter, said Tuesday the senator told a close associate the absence followed an earlier affair.

No doubt, the parade of Ensign’s extramarital fuck buddies has just begun. Who knows who or what could appear now that Ensign’s schlong gobblers are leaping from the weeds in increasing numbers.

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