Puritanical Senator a Wanton Satyr With Private Harem of Savage GOP Harlots

Disgraced GOP Senator John Ensign’s career of adulterous evil is only just coming to light, with not one but now two Republican strumpets emerging from out of his damp, quivering past and putting the lie to his lavish posturing and condemnations of his political contemporaries’ morals.

First, this sleazy rancid hypocritical fuck admits to hosing a staffer’s wife, Cynthia ‘Cindy’ Hampton [below] who came forward this week and admitted to pestorking the bejesus out of Sen. Ensign, no doubt fishing for an agent to represent her tell-all tale of cackling GOP lechery and savage debauchery. Hilarity ensued as the media remembered all of Ensign’s elaborate condemnations of Bill Clinton and Sen. Larry Craig for getting extra-marital blow-jobs – that he apparently believed only he deserved – and demanding their resignatons.

Now, the Associated Press reports that Ensign and his wayward schlong have been involved in yet another illicit tryst:

The disclosure resurrected questions about a two-week period in 2002, when Ensign abruptly dropped from public view. A person familiar with that episode, speaking on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the matter, said Tuesday the senator told a close associate the absence followed an earlier affair.

No doubt, the parade of Ensign’s extramarital fuck buddies has just begun. Who knows who or what could appear now that Ensign’s schlong gobblers are leaping from the weeds in increasing numbers.

But could it arise that Senator Ensign has been giving the good news to Butterstick the Panda? No reports have placed Ensign at the Washington Zoo or suggested that he is into bestiality but GOP leadership should consider the costs of keeping Ensign in office when these reports will doubtless surface. Let’s be reasonable: Who could doubt that a guy this debauched is capable of climbing into a cage at a public zoo and mating with a 500 lb. panda bear?