Did not know that brainwashed Texas schoolchildren applauded when JFK was killed:

Title: “Sarah Palin Talking Keychain”

Manufacturer: Emanation

Rank: 3 (in Toys & Games > Novelty & Gag Toys > Gag Toys & Practical Jokes)

Blurb: “We eat, therefore we hunt * Pretty relevant important stuff… to me anyway * In what respect, Charlie? * Ya quit makin’ things up * I’ll betcha! Plus five more BONUS phrases.”

Review: “I have to say I am a little disappointed. I expected to get four years of use out of this toy, but it simply quit working altogether after not even two, for no explicable reason.”

Customers Also Bought: “Barack Obama Toilet Tissue Paper”

Footnote: Beware of malfunctions: “While I do like the lifelife feel (plastic) and the realistic voice (screechy), sometimes you don’t even have to push the button for it to spout off.”

Sarah Palin Talking Keychain [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon kickback link]

Jim Hoft, The Dimmest Working Blogger in Web Business®:

If White House Was Surprised by Applause at Tucson Pep Rally… Why Did They Ask For It On Jumbotron?

Pam Geller, Stinque’s 2010 Asshole of the Year:

On Thursday, White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said that they were surprised by the applause at the memorial pep rally on Wednesday for the victims of the Tucson shootings…

Grotesque.

The Simple Explanation: Closed-captioning for the arena audience.

No, Jim Hoft, The White House Did Not “Ask For” Applause On Jumbotron [Media Matters, via Tom Tomorrow]

It’s one thing downgrading a Disney-licensed planet to space trash. But when you start messing with people’s astrological signs, there will be movie-title references we best not use for another few days.

If you missed the news, your sign slipped a notch, catapulting you into an alternate universe for which life has left you woefully unprepared. Here we’ve spent our mortal existence as a proud, stubborn, grounded, fuck-you Taurus, and now we’re an Aries? You might as well play Watchtower and tell us we’ve always been a Cylon.

Well, you can relax. Turns out it was all just a big misunderstanding.

Or so we’re being told. Honestly, we don’t understand the claim or the counter-claim.

Read more »

“What galls me about two-spacers isn’t just their numbers. It’s their certainty that they’re right. Over Thanksgiving dinner last year, I asked people what they considered to be the ‘correct’ number of spaces between sentences. The diners included doctors, computer programmers, and other highly accomplished professionals. Everyone—everyone!—said it was proper to use two spaces.” [Slate]

Michael Steele drops out of RNC race after four ballots.

Reid Wilson, Hotline: “Steele: ‘And now, I exit stage right.’ Promptly exits stage left.” Well, darn. Wilson issues correction, says Steele did exit right.

Steele endorses Maria Cino. Reince Priebus has been leading all ballots among the 168 delegates.

Fifth ballot: Priebus 67, Cino 40, Anuzis 32, Wagner 28. No word whether Reince Priebus has shown his birth certificate. Clearly it’s a foreign name.

Sixth ballot: Priebus 80, Anuzis 37, Cino 34, Wagner 17. Reince Priebus’s favorite book is The Reagan Diaries. We like the part covering The Senile Years.

And on the Seventh Day Ballot, Reince Priebus is Your New RNC Chairman!

During the RNC debate, Priebus proudly declared that he owns five guns. We’re sending a reporter to the local Walgreens to check on photos.

Bonus Photo: Meet the Priebus!

Read more »

Meet Heidi. Heidi is auditioning to be our Official 2011 Mascot. Thank you, Heidi. We’ll be in touch.

Your Adorable, Fuzzy, Cross-Eyed Meme Of The Day [Nerdist]