Before I present the OWOTW, I want you to know something.  Going forward, I may not answer the questions the way that you or Nojo want to hear, but I’m going to talk straight to the American people and let ’em know my track record. And if any of you call me on it I’ll shoot you in the face.  Got it?

Now on to our OWOTW.  A long time ago at Agitprop I had a weekly feature called the Wingnut Roundup.  I had to stop though – exposure to that much right wingnuttery took its toll.  Mostly it makes you want to curl up in the fetal position, but it can also result in increased alcohol comsumption and trips to the shrink to get your medication adusted (upward).

But I am going to wade back in for you, dear Stinquers.  I’m not ready to revisit the lunacy of Powerline, Hugh Hewitt, or Atlas Juggs, but I can start small.  Meet our OWOTW after the jump.

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[via BRB]

In a desperate attempt to parse the unparsable and deconstruct the unconstructed, some of the greatest minds of our generation the jackanapes at Slate have been driving themselves to all sorts of exegetic madness in the face of the onslaught on the English language that the vocalizations of Winky The Clown represent.

Some decided to try to diagram some utterances, while others, more cogently, realized that the elitist grammar of the complete sentence was yet one more tyrannical imposition on a “straight talk” form that was, for all intents and purposes, a type of poetry, the blankest of blank verses.

While these examples are all drawn verbatim from the interviews with Big Charlie and Kate-Dawg, Thursday night’s debate provides plenty of fresh fodder for the terrible freshman poet lurking in all of us. I’ll share my initial foray after the jump; contribute your own quatrains, haiku, senryū, sonnets, and yawps in the comments!

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Maria Gracinda Teixeira de Jesus Pestorked the Psychogeezer When He Was a Psychoyoungster

Those crazy kids, Talibunny and Psychogeezer, they can pull just any odd citation from their scruffy CVs and transform it into a credential of vast import, providing proof of their greatness and keystones for their roles as leaders of the free world.

Talibunny can see Russia from her house, qualifying her to play Putin like a mewling sled dog. The Psychogeezer pestorked a random model in Rio in 1957, making him the modern day incarnation of American Ur-statesman Benjamin Franklin. Oh, yes, of course!

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We try not to disturb Yoda Pez except in case of electoral emergency, so you can imagine he was a little upset when we asked him to remove the Q-tips from his ears for some post-debate chitchat.

“Hear you, I can’t,” he said. “Listen, I will not.”

We wanted to tell him the good news — Plugz won the debate, Barry has regained his commanding lead in the state polls — but Yoda Pez took a dive for the cotton swabs three minutes into the veepfest, and there they remain.

So we tried winking at him in that friendly way Sarah taught us Thursday night — I gotcha covered, you betcha — and that’s when he started jumping all over our keyboard like some digitally recreated freak.

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Straight outta Indecent Proposal, somebody offered Virgin Galactic — Richard Branson’s really high ballooning effort — one meelion dollars to film a porno in the heavens.

But Branson, declining to play Woody Harrelson, turned down the opportunity to start recouping his $100 million investment.

We’re disappointed, but we understand — we’ve read those 2001 toilet instructions, after all, and you don’t want to send in a CSI crew with Spunk Detectors to clean up the mess in the cabin afterward. But this is the 21st century, gawdammit, and next year’s Barbarella remake is a pale substitute for the real thing.

Virgin Galactic Turns Down Sex-in-Space Proposal [Fox]

Something to laugh at in these dark times:

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Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency

“Flyers Aim To Keep Black Philadelphians From Polls”

Well, they have been doing good in the preseason, so why can’t the Broad Street Bullies branch out and do some vote rigging?