2 minutes for unsportsmanlike conduct, a 10 minute misconduct, and a game misconduct

“Flyers Aim To Keep Black Philadelphians From Polls”

Well, they have been doing good in the preseason, so why can’t the Broad Street Bullies branch out and do some vote rigging?

123 Comments

Yeah, ya know, I’ve been trying to decide whether I should hang out in Philly election day and help ensure every vote gets counted or whether I should go to Prommie and M(r)s. Prommie’s election party. This clinches it for me. How late can I show up?

Dibs on the “high sticking” reference. Although I think Pat Buchanan is making a play for it.

I thought the hockey team was going to run running around whomping on people at the polls for a second.

@FlyingChainSaw: Me, too — but Philly sports fans throw batteries at events, so I wouldn’t be surprised if the Flyers didn’t start cracking skulls. Fucking shit!

Maybe we can circulate some flyers promising a terrorist attack at the polls to keep stupid white people away.

PS–What’s with the “I am blind” ads? Do we get “I have hairy palms” tomorrow?

@JNOV: Really? Cripes that must hurt. Batteries? Wow. When was that tradition minted?

@Pedonator: Clever postmodern site? Tie-in to the new movie? Both?

Its fun to throw nickels and dimes on the ice too, harder to see than pennies.

@FlyingChainSaw: 20 , 30 years, FCS; they like the batteries because you can throw a D-cell a fucking mile, the perfect size and heft.

Philadelphia is the meanest nastiest place I have ever been. Their motto should be “what the fuck are you looking at,” thats the tradititional greeting. The soup nazi was probably from Philly.

What, no Dave “The Hammer” Schultz?

BTW

TJ/ Denton axed 19 employees including Moe. end TJ

@Prommie:
hey jnov, hear what prom is saying about philly?
we may be whacky, but it gave us more tuff than fluff.
new joisy.
pffft.

ps i’ll call as soon as i can get 3 words in a row out without babbling and sobbing incoherently.

@ManchuCandidate: WTF?

The lesson of Gawker Media: Make your name fast and get the hell out.

@nojo:
Apparently economic conditions not so good.

@ManchuCandidate: Yeah, just read Denton’s post at the mothership, which, as he mentions, sounds a lot like his earlier posts on the subject.

Doesn’t really explain why he’s canning Moe, who has written for two of his “commercially successful” sites, and not the also-rans. (And, although I don’t visit there, pretty much built Jezebel, did she not?)

And I guess I should take this moment to announce that I’m taking Stinque’s $3.87 in ad revenue and blowing it on a Maserati.

@nojo:
Probably hard feelings over her near attempt to bail on Jez in June (?) I’ve read that Nick isn’t the easiest guy to get along with.

@nojo: Wear your seatbelt.

This may be the only boat floating these days. I noticed that Greg’s debate blog cut off at 9:45 or so, with only five comments. We don’t have anyone throwing sabots around over there I hope.

@Tommmcatt Yet Again: I’m thinking Nellie from Little House on the Prairie.

@nabisco:
Who knows?

I’d hazard a guess that McCain’s eye for the economy is the same as his eye for flying. I’m surprised that a lot of pro sites are still running…

@nabisco: A few incursions over there to make sure everyone knows where the other party is, and I’ve added a Magnaminous Comment that should either clear up or foment further confusion.

Jamie? Endy? WonkRef? AARPrick? Lux? Dave? Git yer asses over here.

Oh, and Kaila? You know all CP bloggers have an open invitation to join us, right? RomeGirl’s lonely in the staff list.

@FlyingChainSaw: For your battery reading pleasure. In Philly, you can be at bat and battered by batteries.

@Prommie: Honestly, LA is worse than Philly. I only lasted there a month. It’s like all the disaffected New Yorkers moved there. Totally a different vibe than every other place I’ve lived in CA.

Nick Denton sez: “It’s my commercial judgment that’s been at fault.”

You don’t say?

@baked: Baby Doll, if you want to call me, call me. I’ll keep the ringer on 24/7. And I will listen to anything you have to say, babble or scream through tears and snot. Seriously. I’m having Jr hunt for it right now so I can turn it on.

@chicago bureau: When Denton cut Wonkette loose — one of the Original Troika — that should have sent a message to everyone else. He may have a personal stake in Valleywag’s success (given his background as a tech journalist), but that won’t stop him from shutting it down if the coin doesn’t start piling up.

@ManchuCandidate: Well, that and Thinking and Drinking (or Drinking and Thinking?). Did Tracie (Slut Machine) get fired, too?

Is there a list of the people he fired? And WTF is up with the new commenting system? I’ll never get my star now. And I’m only three followers away. *hint hint*

A friend (apropos nothing) mentioned this lovely little GIF (totally work-safe) re Ms. Vice President’s mental progression during the debate…

@JNOV: WTF is up with the new commenting system?

Designer overboard!

That plus the “threading” just impedes conversation and balkanizes the audience. I’m all for eye candy, but sometimes I just wanna, y’know, read.

Whoa — I noticed Tracie doesn’t post under “Slut Machine” anymore, and her nickname has been taken off the masthead. Has anyone here been reading Jez?

@nojo: Yeah. I show up for FNFF sometimes (they let me post pictures and video *cough cough*), but I haven’t been there in ages. I’m really not liking the way the comments thread. But if Moe gets canned and Tracie doesn’t, there is something wrong with the universe.

@JNOV:
She’s got engaged and decided on a name change.

@ManchuCandidate: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! No, really. That’s like the porn stars that only do GOG when they get a boyfriend.

ADD: And then go back to hardcore when they break up. Or need more cash.

@JNOV: Cough all you want, but commenter pictures and video are madness.

Besides, y’all want a Commenter Stalker function first, right?

@nojo: The comments are fucking awful. I used to comment at nearly pathological levels over there, but now I barely do.

And sorry dudes, I really can’t stand Moe’s so-called style, and I don’t think she’s a feminist, and she was embarassing to read on Gawker. I also don’t like Tracie. In fact, I may only like Megan over on Jez. I’m a bitchy, picky guy, I guess.

That said, Moe deserved better than to have her dismissal announced via another site (the Observer) and confirmed in the comments, where Denton referred to editing her as “trying to rein in a mustang.” Stay classy, Denton.

So this is where all the East Coast athiest liberal Communists from the HFA/Cynics Party have gone? I figured most of you were at Guantanamo Bay by now in some Cheney-Rove-McCain effort to weed out the troublemakers who hate Amerika enough to vote.

@BRB: Is it too late to return to the J&J Gawker with invitation-only commenters? Because that’s the last time I could stand reading it.

@Dave H:

We were, but Nojo dug a tunnel and hid it under a poster of Raquel Welch.

@nojo: Oh, I don’t mind the writers on Gawker, for the most part. I like Pareene and Richard and Hamilton. But Nick keeps pushing to broaden the site’s appeal to the point of idiocy, forcing them to write about things they don’t care about, and it shows. The pageview bonus model drove that broadening process, and worked–it grew exactly how he wanted it to, but now that it succeeded and all of his writers have written stories they don’t really like but were forced to because of the Diggability and whatnot of them – he’s pre-emptively taking those bonuses away (even though that site is successful and they’re still growing). The layoffs make sense to me as a streamlining manoeuvre, but I think the bonus freeze is pretty gross.

Invitation-only commenting! Yes! I really wished they still did that. I had to audition – who are all these bozos? So much chaff.

@BRB: I have a soft spot for Moe. Even after Thinking and Drinking. I can’t explain it, and I understand why a lot of people disliked her and/or her writing style. But somehow she got to me. Maybe it’s because of the early Jez days when I was so thrilled to find that site, and Moe’s writing made sense to me. Sometimes she was endearing, and sometimes she was offensive and maddening. But reading her was like watching evolution in real time, and I wanted to see what form she finally took.

But there were a lot of bumps in the road, and her and Tracie’s drunken rape jokes pissed me off, shocked me and made me sad. That whole thing about condomless sex being the new engagement ring was the last straw for me and Jez, but still I hoped for something more.

@nojo: Thanks a million. I took today off on sick leave (strep throat) and spent this afternoon catching up – never thought anybody would notice my absence. What a delight to see my name mentioned in several threads! I’m not worthy!

I must report to one member that I’m not a farmer and will be of no use in that department during the coming migration and/or apocalypse. I was also pleasantly surprised to discover that lynnlightfoot and I both live in the congressional district represented by Baron Hill, the designated successor to our longtime Rep. Lee Hamilton.

@Tommmcatt Yet Again: a mint copy of that poster would probably be worth enough to buy a tunnel.

@Tommmcatt Yet Again: The Shawshanque Redemption

(I can’t stop with the “que” puns! I’m sorry)

@BRB: I’m still absurdly proud of my Defamer invitation from Lisanti (sent him a Clever Mockup of Brian Grazer as Mr. Defamer), although the Snob System started breaking down soon after that.

I was happy enough being on the outside, since the insiders were so entertaining. Kind of like here.

@JNOV: I understand that view, honestly. But the more I read her, the more the “work-in-progress” feel was less honest and more a schtick-y dodge. I think Megan spoiled me, going from a potty-mouthed anonymous columnist to one of the best, most polished and consistent political and feminist writers on the net in a breathtakingly small amount of time.

@BRB:

Paronomasiae were good enough for Shakespeare so they’re good enough for me!

@BRB: Oh, no doubt, Megan is beyond amazing, and while I don’t pretend to be a literary critic, I’ve seen awesome growth.

Moe kind of felt like a kid sister to me. I know how strange that is considering I’ve never met her, but I saw something of her in me. My life is a stream of consciousness mess, and I’m going to be presumptuous and say that hers seems to be, too. I also see how she may have intentionally stalled out. I don’t want to admit that possibility because, like you wrote, it’s dishonesty on her part. Ever the cheerleader, I’d rather call it laziness or a coping mechanism for someone who has written about some very troubling personal events. I identify with that searching openness as well.

Maybe it’s just me being old and her being young, and maybe I’m being condescending in an annoying older person way, but I was rooting for her.

@Tommmcatt Yet Again: Shut your mouth.

And consider yourself lucky I couldn’t find a decent line from “That’s How You Know” to paste in here.

@nojo: But I am mad. You’ve read my blog.

@nojo:

Yeah, that could cause a nasty threadjack. It sounds like I ran a challenge up that post….

@BRB: @JNOV:

You will alwyas be a pararomanique to me, my lovely.

@JNOV: I lasted in LA for almost a year before I called my old boss, got my job back, and went running back to OKC. Hated the noise, the traffic, and my complete inability of this flat-chested, smart-mouthed brunette to arouse any interest whatsoever in the LA male. I can only handle the west coast from SF north.

@Tommmcatt Yet Again: ARGH! The meds make me dumb, and I can’t thinque.

@Mistress Cynica: I lived one block off of Hollywood Blvd., and had I been 20 years younger, I would have had a blast. But I was miserable. Sleeping with earplugs didn’t even work. It’s kind of cool to watch teevee and see landmarks I walked by on a daily basis, but there ends my nostalgia.

@Tommmcatt Yet Again: You have no shame, yet you pique my curiosity. Where have you been tommcatting around recently?

@JNOV:

I’ve just been to see my shrinque, thanks very much. He says I’m well.

@nojo: WanquerThanqueless job, eh?

I slipped into the Empire when it was invitation-only, I guess. I fired off audition after audition, and something under “Nabisco” finally caught.

I liked Moe’s posts at Jez, and she and Meghan made a fantastic tag team especially when Mommy 1.0 was still under wraps as AL. I started to think that the comments were getting out of control until I realized – this site isn’t supposed to be for me. So I lurked.

@nabisco:

It sometimes makes his feelings sinque….

I got reamed on the Jez when I started commenting there after the Great Brand-X Strike of 2008. They really don’t appreciate menstruation jokes….

Good news kids! All you have to do to get out of a foreclosure by FNMA is to shoot yourself. Read all about clever Addie Polk’s successful tactic (or is that a strategy) here.

@Mistress Cynica: “Then she kind of moved toward me a little and I saw that blood, and I said, ‘Oh, no. Miss Polk musta done shot herself.’ ”

This seems a little overboard on the “exact quote” scale, right?

@Tommmcatt Yet Again: You mean like “I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die”? Because yes, that’s just offensive.

@nojo:

I never said that! It was some incredibly long and unpleasant article about heavy flow or something, and I made the mistake of putting my two cents in, wryly.

Never again….

@Mistress Cynica: I’m feeling cranquey.

@Tommmcatt Yet Again: It must be that time of the month.

@BRB: It’s that folksy touch America loves so much!

@JNOV:

Well, it stopped my commenting there. End of Story. Period.

@Tommmcatt Yet Again: Men like you give me pause and stop my flow of punny.

@Tommmcatt Yet Again: Speaking of menstruation, have you seen the study, a real, scientific study, of strippers, which found that they tend to earn, on average, twice as much money in tips while ovulating, and half as much when menstruating? And that strippers on the pill earn half as much as strippers who are not?

Its all chemicals, pheremones.

@Promnight: Yeah, speaking of Gawker, Sheila had a fun article about that, tying it back to the reception of Palin’s debate performance. I really liked her sly kicker: That said, even if men seem to like Palin more than women do, that doesn’t mean they’ll vote for her McCain. Because, continuing this logic, the same dudes love strippers, but not for marrying.

Indeed.

http://gawker.com/5058793/where-is-sarah-palin-in-her-cycle-right-now

@BRB: All the women in my life, and I like to think I have the good kind of women in my life, were disgusted by Palin’s flirting, the flat out high-schoolish cheerleader “I’m so cute” “I’m gonna smile at you and make you want me so you’ll give me what I want” cheap “look at me I am pretty” bullshit that she plays to an insane degree. I’m a lawyer, and that field is really pretty good about sexism, on the whole, almost 50% of my law school class were women and I never ever saw sexism in court, because almost half the judges hereabouts are women. A female lawyer trying to pull that Palin shit would become a laughingstock, quickly, in my area.

She’s a high-school mean-girl beauty queen who stayed in her tiny town and never rose above the high-school level of social existence, she and the first dude are still playing the Prom King and Queen, its fucking ludicrous.

Every time she winks, I want to kick her in the cunt.

Speaking of Gawker, if they shut down Fleshbot I will be devastated.

@Promnight: University of New Mexico, represent. “Everyone’s a Lobo – woof! woof! woof!”

One of UNM’s top 100 graduates in its first 100 years. Can you believe it? The book has a photo of me flyfishing in winter.

@redmanlaw: I hope it’s a Putinesque shot with your shirt off.

@Mistress Cynica:

flat-chested, smart-mouthed brunette

If, in the course of events, you and Mr. Cyn should part, look me up. Rowr. (Attention! I believe we are now shifting into Stanque, After Dark mode…)

@IanJ: I can’t believe you’re cheating on me!

@IanJ: You’ll have to arm-wrestle me for the right to pitch woo at Mistress Cynica, and I have 21″ biceps, buddy.

@JNOV:
Dear Frida: You have your work, let that be your lover.
Viva La Revolucion!

@IanJ: @Ewalda: You boys are so sweet! [insert Sarah Palin winque/smirque]
Although in the interest of full disclosure, I have to tell you the brunette hair is gray silver now. Actually, it was then, underneath the color.

@Mistress Cynica:
My wife’s hair began to turn silver eventually, beginning at the temples. It was very beautiful. I watched the seasons of our lives turn in her hair, and I loved her more than ever before. I felt a tenderness and a protectiveness for her that was just not there during our youth together.
One day she removed the beauty with dye, and she has continued to do so for years since. Life goes on.

@Mistress Cynica: I hope you won’t kill me for divulging that you are lovely inside and out. And the hair is gorgeous.

@JNOV: Only if you’ll let me return the compliments. Calm down, boys, we’re not going to kiss.

@Promnight: The winking disgusts me. If she really wanted to play that card, I’d have a lot more respect for her if she just reached into her drawers, pawed at herself and proffered her fingers for the world to sniff. Get serious, Talibunny! Or get lost!

@Ewalda: You fucking poet you. That was moving, you bastard. I don’t want to be moved, we must be steely hard and committed now, ready to take to the barricades. I am drunk and confused, am I a hard-bitten cynic and an insensitive male only moved by the smooth jiggly flesh of college cheerleaders gone wild. Yet you remind me that I love my wife despite all signs of age, and revere the wisdom and mature beauty of chicks my own age. But inside I am a 14 year old insecure frightened lonely geek, in love with knowledge and science and literature, but raised in a working class home and taught to revile all such things as effete and impractical dreams, not something a man cares about.

Oh, and I suck. I am not worthy of respect or love from anyone.

I am so fucked up.

And the second great depression is looming.

But there may be a freedom in being a hobo, should I look forward to it?

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose (I am not much for quoting wittgenstein).

@Promnight: I am not much for quoting wittgenstein

“It is possible to imagine a world in which the axiom of reducibility is not valid. It is clear, however, that logic has nothing to do with the question whether our world is really like that or not.” (TLP 6.1233)

Words to live by, dude.

@Promnight:
Fuckem if they can’t take a joke, Prommy.
Drink up. There is yet time before we need to have our wits about us.
Or our Wittgensteins.
Whatevs….

@nojo: I love this place, at least, at this moment, this place, because we move so frequently, because this is the only place I have ever been in my life where I am not the smartest dude in the room, but rather, the dumbest, and that means I learn here. Its the only place I learn, in my life, anymore. Thank you, nojo, for making me go find out what the axiom of reducibility is.

You all is some smart motherfuckers, and I respect you all, nojo, and many others, greatly.

I am going to rephrase what I said above. I love you all, because I so much more enjoy to be around people smarter than me, than people dumber than me. Thank you all for challenging me and making me go to the library to try to catch up.

Bartender: Another round for my friends, por favor!

@Promnight: You looked it up? Hell, that’s more trouble than I ever went to…

Most of the Tractatus is just shop talk for academic philosophers. Unless you have a burning interest in the relationship of language to the world. And if that burning interest includes positions Wittgenstein himself later rejected.

As with politics, the trick with philosophy is knowing what to ignore. Lords knows there’s a shitload of it.

@Promnight: “Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose”

With MellBell as my witness, I screamed that line out loud in a crowded DC bar when the Talibunny started talking about freedom and quoting Reagan (I lurve Rachel Maddow and her interns for identifying that quote as from a Reagan speech against Medicare and the small town quote from the crazy antisemitic guy).

Sigh. re: Gawker – I auditioned to the original Wonkette multiple times and finally after 5 tips and ghost-written items she and Ken gave me commenting privilege.

@Ewalda: What you wrote about your wife made tears come to my eyes. Granted I’m tired after a 6 hour flight. But you’re making me reconsider dying my hair this weekend…one less thing to do when you make it sound so poetic.

Breaking — OJ – guilty, guilty, guilty, etc.

Made wonkette on first try – been coasting since.

@redmanlaw: Forced me to look it up: “The Express” is not about OJ.

The way they weren’t mentioning the football player’s name in the trailer, I started to wonder whether they were hiding something.

@SanFranLefty: I’ve never breathed a word to her about all this. Never told her that the dye was something that seemed to me to be a non-acceptance of the path of life. Never told her just how much the natural silvering of her hair made me love her more.
Long ago, I was told by one much wiser than me that women do not dress or make themselves up for men, but that they do it for themselves and for other women. I do not feel qualified to naysay.

@nojo: 1968 Heisman Trophy winner outta USC. And they say Heisman winners tend not to live up to it later. Adam Sandler is looking up the Las Vegas jail number now to put the cast together for The Longest Yard: Back on the Chain Gang (and it too, will be shot in New Mexico. We have a Bollywood movie shooting in town now. For reals.)

@redmanlaw: Mrs. Prom grew up with a future Heisman winner who lived in her neighborhood, different schools, same church (Mrs. Prom’s father was the priest), Mike Rozier. He’s dead.

ewalda,
i adore you.
and
prommy, you aren’t getting my IM’s are you.
i hate this computer.

@Ewalda: @SanFranLefty: That was lovely, Ewalda, and it was encouragement like that from Mr Cyn that emboldened me to give up the coloring. My female friends, feminists, including one I had know since attending a women’s college in the late 70s where we took Women’s Studies classes together, were aghast at my decision, and called me”brave.” Brave, I kid you not. They told me I was risking being treated as a second class citizen, of being ignored and overlooked. There are books and articles out there warning professional women o keep that useful appearance: color the hair, whiten the teeth, get botox. I call bullshit. If we have to tart ourselves up for professional advancement, then all those years of fighting for “equal rights” have been for naught.
SFL, I have never for a second regretted going gray, and I love the savings in time and money. With your coloring, you’ll be stunning with silvery hair. Go for it.
Ewalda, while I agree that you shouldn’t say something as bald as “I liked you better the other way,” maybe you could find a subtle way to let your wife know you think she’d look stunning if she stopped dyeing her hair. Mr Cyn was the only person who urged me to go gray, and I’m so grateful. All the women who told me I was nuts rave about the hair, and I have yet to be ignored by a waiter or salesperson. No one puts Baby in the corner.

@Promnight: If you’re the dumbest one in the room, then I’m fuckin’ retarded.

@Mistress Cynica: I was allowing my hair to go gray until my brother said it made me look ten years older. Ugh. So, I started dying it, until I read about all the chemicals seeping into my body through my scalp. Then I started hennaing it with art-quality henna, not the stuff you get in the store — my thinking being that I can allow the henna to fade when the old dyed part finally gets trimmed off. Then I’ll be about 15% gray. All at the temples and a wicked streak on one side.

Piss on my brother. My problem is that my brothers are 12, 15 and 16 years younger than I am. They see me as a contemporary in many ways, but really, I’m not. And it’s time I gracefully accepted that fact.

I admire women with gray hair.

@JNOV: @Mistress Cynica: @baked: @SanFranLefty: @Promnight:
I guess I bared my soul a little. Not necessarily a good thing in the middle of a thread on Philly hockey voter suppression headlines.
Recently, after having taken an online webinar (paid for by my ex-employer) on looking for a job after 50, I asked my wife whether I should dye my hair or beard, as was recommended during the class. She told me it wouldn’t help. She always knows exactly the right words to lift the spirits…….

@Ewalda: Oh, Darling! I have a squishy bewbie hug for you if you’d like it. Leave the beautiful silver. I regret ever dying mine, and my dad (and you’re nowhere near his age — I’m not comparing him to you) started graying when he was 18. In the 70s he did peroxide his mustache. Ha ha!

There’s a completely different set of rules when it comes to men aging, but those rules are changing — getting worse for the men. Here — this will make you smile. It’s a cautionary tale.

@JNOV: My grey had the wisdom to fall out before it needed colorin’.

Pooh, Armison nails Barney Frank on SNL (not literally)

@nabisco: And Nancy with teh carazee eyez.

@JNOV: Wonder if Prommie caught the Killers? The feathered shoulder pads were rather off-putting for this fashion forward Joe Half Carafe.

@nabisco: Damn you East Coast elites and your live feeds. At least I’m not watching the Dodgers after midnight.

/back to SNL – hey, Lefty looks pretty good

Great fall fishing today. Seven fine trout fell to the #16 blue wing olives I tied last night as insurance for a cloudy day. We’re having some for Sunday dinner. Got to see my old fishing buddy, had a roadside Frito pie made by some fine ladies of Jemez Pueblo and got a speeding ticket – on a non-beer or Scotch fishing trip. Heh. It may snow in the higher peaks this weekend.

The SNL opener is already up at Huffington Post.

I’ve been totally silver since I was 35. Chicks tell me they dig it, but I wish I were still blonde, and because I drink only coffee and red wine, and the “cigars” don’t help, my teeth need whitening, like, every other day. I have bought a set of dental instruments, the ones the hygeneist uses, and scrape away about every 3 weeks or so. I want white teeth, I am not going for a roundhouse, caps all around, but I am considering plaques on the front.

I hate getting old, I gotta say it, I am not going gladly into that good night. I still feel 16. I look at myself in the mirror and go “what the fuck” every morning.

Hey RML, I saw a bald eagle yesterday, my commute takes me along a highway that runs along the Delaware river, and they are just big fishhawks, it was soaring on the thermals over the black highway, looked like a buzzard, we have tons of those, but the white tail and white head, they shine in the sun, unmistakable. Very cool way to start the day, but then again, the little office seems so much more lifeless when thats what you saw just a minute before you walk in.

I know I won’t go gray till I’m 50 (Asian family genes.)

People won’t notice then because my hair’s been falling out since my late 20s (again, damn family genes.)

I’m already at Army short. In about less than 4years, I’ll be a Shaolin Monk close aka bald bald.

Better than fighting the future like my friends. Many of them are on Propecia. The problem with propecia is that they need a little blue one, Viagra (Propecia kills testosterone production which is a leading cause of hair loss but testosterone is also what makes men hard.) Silly me, I’d rather be bald and be able to have a boner than keep my hair and need hydraulic jacks to keep my peen up.

Life sure is cruel.

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