Programming informs us that the miniseries was such a success, a full-season pickup will be announced Monday. In a hilarious upcoming scene previewed for the entertainment media, everybody reaches for the 3 a.m. call at once.

Clinton to Be Introduced as Part of Obama Security Team [NYT]

Giants fan Lili prepares for the kickoff, blissfully unaware that her hero is in serious trouble:

The Giants’ dream season was thrown into turmoil Saturday when Super Bowl star Plaxico Burress accidentally shot himself in the leg at a Manhattan nightclub and linebacker Antonio Pierce tried to hide the gun, police sources said.

Burress is expected to be arrested on felony weapons charges in the coming days, while Pierce’s attorney was in frantic discussions with cops last night to stave off criminal charges, police sources said.

NFL Today just said that, if convicted, Burress faces a mandatory three-and-one-half year sentence. That’s what happens when you fuck with Michael Bloomberg. And, of course, his carry permit is only for Florida and expired last year anyway.

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Title: The Christmas Sweater

Author: Glenn Beck

Rank: 14

Blurb: “Scarred deeply by the realization that kids don’t always get what they want, and too young to understand that he already owned life’s most valuable treasures, that Christmas morning was the beginning of Eddie’s dark and painful journey on the road to manhood. It will take wrestling with himself, his faith, and his family — and the guidance of a mysterious neighbor named Russell — to help Eddie find his path through the storm clouds of life and finally see the real significance of that simple gift his mother had crafted by hand with love in her heart.”

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Taking a cue from the Bush “administration”, GM tries disappearing the problem:

General Motors, criticized by lawmakers for its use of corporate jets, has asked aviation regulators to block the public’s ability to track a plane it uses.

“We availed ourselves of the option as others do to have the aircraft removed” from a Federal Aviation Administration tracking service, a G.M. spokesman, Greg Martin, said in an interview.

If nobody knows where their plane is, maybe they could make some extra money flying suspected terrorists to black sites for Dick Cheney.

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Stop torturing yourself. Give it up and order a pizza.

Leftovers [Flickr]

We hate to serve up sloppy seconds the day after Thanksgiving, but just look at the slim pickings out there:

• Japan workers told to go home and procreate [Guardian UK]
• Even sex can’t sell in this economy [Boston.com]
• ‘I’m 35 and have never had sex’ [GoodToKnow UK]
• Everything You Need To Know About Hitler’s “Missing” Testicle [Slate]

Pitiful. So here goes:

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You’d think that, given what’s going on in Mumbai, people might focus on something other than getting one of those four cheap bigscreen TVs that Wal-Mart uses for bait.  You’d be wrong:

A Wal-Mart worker died after being trampled when hundreds of shoppers smashed through the doors of a Long Island store Friday morning, police and witnesses said.

The 34-year-old worker, employed as an overnight stock clerk, tried to hold back the unruly crowds just after the Valley Stream store opened at 5 a.m.

Are you fucking kidding me?

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