Stop torturing yourself. Give it up and order a pizza.

Leftovers [Flickr]

I don’t know if it has to do with sympathy pangs or desire to keep up with the flock, but I finished off my Thanksgiving leftovers that were stored in the freezer this week.

First off, a real turkey sang’ich needs to be on wheat toast with stuffing, cranberry sauce and mayonnaise. That thing looks really anemic.

@FlyingChainSaw: No, you’ve got it all wrong. A real after-Thanksgiving turkey sammich is sliced dry turkey breast on stale Wonder bread slathered with real Miracle Whip. White on whiter on whitest.

Which is part of the reason we enjoyed roast beef for Thanksgiving.

This is why I’m eating tex-mex today.

How do we spell Turkey? T-O-F-U.

BTW. I don’t see pics or stream in either Camino (which is what I use) or Safari (which is what Steve Jobs wants me to use). You haven’t gone all Internet Explorer on our collective ass, have you? Not that I have anything but good thoughts about you but, dude, WTF?

@rptrcub: Is that Momma Cub in the picture with you?

I guess it must be me. Am I having java issues? Oh noess!

It is working for me with firefox and ie.

SBT’s pics are making me way hungry…

@Hose Manikin: Thanks. I’ve developed some kind of weirdness to do with java and Real Player, which is insisting that it do everything even though I didn’t ever ask it to and it won’t take no for an answer.

@Dave H: I actually went looking for a shot of Miracle Whip stacked on store shelves, but couldn’t find anything. And while I can’t confirm Wonder Bread here, this pretty much follows your recipe. Never again, as we say in the Nojo ancestral home.

@Benedick: I’m going to guess you need to upgrade Flash or something — it’s the same gizmo we’ve been using all along, and it looks just fine in Jobs-standard Safari.

I’ve always found that Real Player does not play well with others. Too many deliberate traps in the setup. If you are not paying close attention, it makes itself the default player for everything. I download it only when I really need it (less and less these days), then get rid of it immediately after.

@homofascist: Since we spent turkey day dinner at a friends house, we have no leftovers. I had to go with the first round pics in the jam. I miss the leftovers and got hungry looking at that white bread white meat sandwich. BTW, my friends (and wife) think it very odd that I insisted on taking macro shots of every course.

@mellbell: Yep, and we’re going to take over South Carolina.

@Hose Manikin: Mr. SFL takes photos of all of his airline meals to upload to a website called Airline Meals dot Net, a habit which I endure by trying to block the ability of any other passenger to see what he’s doing.

once upon a time, when i walked among the living, i used to make thanksgiving soup. it sounds disgusting, but it’s great.
put the carcass in the pot, cover with water, simmer an hour, skim fat then throw in every side dish. every one. mashed potatoes, gravy, peas, cranberry sauce, all of it. (except salad)
make little meat balls out of the stuffing!

we did lobster, but had pumpkin pie and stuffing to be holiday festive.
we’re getting along so well. like i was sold into the white slave trade.

@baked: You don’t have to take it. Maybe there’s something wrong with me, but Dee Snyder makes me smile.

@baked: And there’s always Cake doing Gloria Gaynor justice.

@baked: And there’s always RATM Killing in the Name of with the best lyric ever: Fuck you! I won’t do what you tell me. (This is for when you get angry. Jump up and down like Zack de la Rocha and get that anger out.)

@baked: And for some campy 80s-style fun, enjoy Personal Jesus. This video always makes me smile.

OK, let’s see if I’ve got this right.

Huge meal in late November. And oodles and oodles of leftovers for weeks on end.

Then Christmas, with oodles and oodles of leftovers for weeks on end.

Does anybody buy fresh food between end of Nov and early January?

I saw the “Black Friday” article and immediately thought about the bushfires in Calif., and not shopping. When there’s a bad series of bushfires here they tend to get call “Black “

Note to college football fans: this is the only Saturday of the year on which I root for the Pope.

@CheapBoy: And down South there’s usually a big New Year’s meal with black eyed peas (for good luck) and various artery-clogging grub. Yum!

@baked: @JNOV:
I’ve been enjoying the Baked inspired “Hell hath no fury…” JNOV musical mix. A strangely appropriate soundtrack for the football games this afternoon.

I don’t think I can add much to it, and I certainly wouldn’t want to give Baked any ideas, but …

Given the geographic flavor of our new administration, perhaps we should approach every problem by asking the question WWCD – What Would Chicago Do?

Then there’s the David Allen Coe You Piss Me Off, You Fucking Jerk. You Get on My Nerves. I don’t understand the ESPN video that accompanies the song. We used to sing this in college.

@Hose Manikin:

Hey y’all. Personally, I find a little Jesus and tequila gets me going just fine.

@nabisco: New to me, and I like Jesusandtequila!

@JNOV: Thats two of my favorite songs. Dee Snider makes me smile too, and he can sing, after a fashion, I sing along when We’re Not Gonna Take It comes on.

@JNOV: It suddenly hit me one day this year that the guy who is Cake, he is the Christopher Walken of singers, and Christopher Walken makes me smile too.

@baked: Here’s another one for when you feel better. Let’s ignore Bill Withers’ troubled relationships and enjoy this dude doing some weird combo of free style and vogueing to Lovely Day. Yeah, Bill sold out, but dude’s gotta get paid.

@Promnight: What’s your other favorite? How did the boy like DC?

@Promnight: Love me some Christopher Walken, even though he is slightly creepy, he is soooo fucking cool.

@CheapBoy: Plus, they eat turkey for both big blowouts. They don’t eat goose at Xmas. It’s turkey with stuffing both times. Yanks. They’re like children really. Bless them. Just keep feeding them Ritalin and they’re happy as clams.

@JNOV: The boy’s favorite was the Metro, he learned how to use the map and the ticket machines and do transfers, and from then on he could care less where we were going as long as we got there on the Metro. I loved gazing upon the Apollo 11 Command Module, the Spirit of St. Louis, and the Wright flyer. And the Constitution, I went up to the guard standing next to the Constitution, he was a giant, a black man, I first put at 7 foot tall, and 400 to 500 pounds. When I stood next to him, I came up to his chin, maybe. Maybe 1’10”. I loved that because in front of me in the long line was a pigfucker asshole in a Georgia Bulldogs jacket, who, after a street vendor came along selling Obama hats, I distinctly heard say something about “Nigger lovers.” I think he was referring to those who bought the hats. I spent the next half our thinking of where to hit him first, how to avoid the punches and stomp the top of his foot and then get an elbow in his face somehow. Then he had to come up and stand next to this giant black man and wait for him to let him through into the rotunda, and this guy’s voice sounded like thunder, he got quiet then.

That was the only ugliness I saw in 2 days, americans in DC seem to comport themselves with dignity and reverence, at least more than I have ever seen americans act in public anywhere else.

I went up to the big guard, we were standing within 5 feet of the US Constitution, and I said to him “we’re gonna be getting a government soon thats gonna put that document back in power, and he smiled.

@Promnight: I’m glad you and Prom Jr. had an awesome time. The Metro map, stylized as it is, is an amazing thing. I’m sure your son will be sad he can’t use a subway to get to school now. Again, with the Georgia Bulldogs, remember the ass-fuck who assaulted me in NOLA right before the election? Maybe it was the same small-peen fat white man.

Are you inspired to come to DeeCee for inaugural excitement? Is Prom Jr. excited that there are kids his age going to live in the White House? Seeing all the cool things in DC are a goo way to restore your hope and optimism, glad you did it.

(And I’m sorry if you were too late to miss my tip about the Einstein statue at 20th & Constitution – next time.)

@Benedick: @CheapBoy:
Hmmm. I see the great American tradition of heroic overeating is under assault from beyond our borders. As I have not quite recovered from my trytophan coma, I am not, in my impaired state, up to mounting an adequate defense. Instead, I will simply bring in the big gun and be done with it.

Excerpt from Jim Harrison’s essay “Eat or Die” from The Raw and the Cooked:

“…I turn myself around and try to retrace my path but it has quickly become covered with the fresh snow. Now I have to stand here and wait it out because, last evening, a tanker and Coast Guard icebreaker came into the harbor, which means there is a long path of open water or some very thin ice out there in the utter whiteness. I would most certainly die if I fell in and that would mean, among other things, that I would miss a good dinner, and that’s what I’m doing out here in the first place – earning, or deserving, dinner.

I become very cold in the half hour or so it takes for the air to clear. I think about food and listen to the plane high above, which has been circling and presumably looking for the airport. With the first brief glimpse of shore in the swirling snow I creak into action, and each shoosh of ski speaks to me: Oysters, snails, maybe a lobster or the Kassler Rippchen, the braised lamb shanks, a simple porterhouse or Delmonico, with a bottle or two of the Firestone Merlot, or the Freemark Abbey Cabernet I had for lunch …

The idea is to eat well and not die from it – for the simple reason that that would be the end of your eating. At age fifty that means I have to keep a cholesterol count down around 170. There is abundant dreariness in even the smallest health detail. Skip butter and desserts and toss all the obvious fat to your bird dogs.

Small portions are for smallish and inactive people. When it was all the rage, I was soundly criticized for saying that cuisine minceur was the moral equivalent of the fox-trot. Life is too short for me to approach a meal with the mincing steps of a Japanese prostitute. The craving is for the genuine rather than the esoteric. It is far better to avoid expense-account restaurants than to carp about them; who wants to be a John Simon of the credit-card feedbag? I’m afraid that eating in restaurants reflects one’s experiences with movies, art galleries, novels, music – that is, characterized by mild amusement but with an overall feeling of stupidity and shame. Better to cook for yourself…

The cautionary note was something Jack Nicholson had said to me more than a decade ago after I had overfed a group in his home: “Only in the Midwest is overeating still considered an act of heroism.” Still, the winter weather was violent, and lacking the capacity to hibernate it was important to go on with the eating, not forgetting the great Lermontov’s dictum: “Eat or die.”

@SanFranLefty: We stayed at Marriot Residence Inn near the capital, E street, wonderful suite, kitchen, pull out couch in the living room, and a bedroom for us adults, but NO FUCKING BAR. We asked if there were restaurants nearby, and there was only one, I forget the name now, so and so’s market, I think, one short block away, we decided to go order to go, sit at the bar for a cocktail while they cooked the food. It was a classic old fishhouse, obviously unchanged since the 60s, and it absolutely delighted us. We go sit in the bar, thinking the boy could have a sprite while we slurp down a cocktail or two, we take our seats, then I notice, over the bar, a classic old bar nude, an odalisque, nude reclining on a couch, classic old bar picture, but then I notice, all over all the walls, a mixture of prints, old Vargas illustrations, bad originals, each and every one, nude women, hundreds of them. I looooved it, so so so kitschy, totally sincere, too, and a pianist and a jazz singing woman, wonderful, but now The boy’s eyes are wide. My favorite was the naked woman toreador, but there was the Marilyn Monroe playboy centerfold, a horribly delightful 50s original of a woman who looked like Elizabeth Taylor, hair a foot tall, all so wonderful, I wanted them all. The boy was fine, totally forgot them 2 minutes after noticing them, I wanted to stay all night, the special was 2 1 1/4 pound lobsters, soup, salad, desert, and two glasses of wine for $49.99. I want to go back.

@SanFranLefty: I am seriously excited to come to DC for the inauguration. I am maybe a bit worst-case scenario about the horror of it all. Here are my concerns:

1. I assume that public accomodations anywhere closer than Baltimore are impossible.

2. I am wondering about the ability of mass transit to get people in and out same day. Will it be possible to travel there that morning, or will it be neccessary to show up the night before? And can I be at all assured of being able to use mass transit to get out that night?

3. Will the gubmint tolerate people bivouacing in public places the night before, because if its something I can get away with, I would absolutely take my sleeping bag and camp on the Mall.

I am actually eager to be part of a mass event that overwhelms all services, and paralyzes mass transit, is that likely, or what? Yes, I have a romantic notion of roughing it, just getting there with a backpack and 2 days survival provisions and just going with the flow. Is I crazy? If there is hope of doing it middle class style, well of course I would do that, Holiday Inn, Metro in and out, la ti da, just another day commuting. I’d be disappointed, though. Whats likely, what can be done? Anyone want to offer me a floor, I will be there in a second, honest injun. Oh, I want to be there more than anything, just lost about what, how, to plan.

@Promnight:re: survival provisions – Son of RML was dying for a hot chocolate drink tonight but we were out, so he started rooting around in some MREs we have in a cabinet and found a packet of cocoa. Happy boy.

@redmanlaw: I missed woodstock, I missed the woodstock 25 year anniversary, I want to wallow in the mud with 4 million others, and I can put a little bivvy sack, sleeping bag, stove, and basics, in a small pack, and deal with anything, thats the way I am leaning. Metro in from the furthest station the day before, camp out, and the next day, if I can get out, or want to (if it turns into the world’s largest all night party, why would I want to?) I will, and if not, I am still set to survive. Anyone else out there of like mind? Or is there anyone out there who will take me in, I will contribute to expenses if you let me sleep at the foot of your bed.

@redmanlaw: My idea of survival provisions, given the time of year, is bourbon, cheese, salami, bread, oatmeal, korean hot ramen, chocolate, instant coffee , 4 pounds max. 4 pound sleeping bag, debating backpacking tent, still, 20 pounds max. I would be comfy with that for two nights, assuming water is available. I actually think I would be happiest doing it that way, if they will allow me to lay down and cook just a bit on the mall. Urban survivalist, thats me.

@Promnight: I would take not less than a synthetic fill 15 degree rated bag, maybe even zero bag if it’s really cold, foam pad and a bivy sack or fly for sleeping out.

@Benedick: I guess that’s why they only eat Turkey at Thanks-giving and Christmas. They’re sick of it for the other 10 months of the year!

I’m prolly gunna do a rolled loing of pork (Hmmmm Crackling) and a roast chook (chicken) for Christmas. The cats will get prawns as usual on the day. This time I’ll wear long pants so they don’t make my legs bleed as I peel the prawns for them.

wow. i wake up to to such a great concert! that was fun, thanks JNOV!
string, and beesko!

all i’ve been doing is packing, which we all know is the most fun you can have besides fighting with your rat bastard cheat of a husband while you’re bubble wrapping china.

i’m going with die motherfucker die for my packing music tomorrow.
and keep popping the bubble wrap like seaweed because it annoys him.

so much drama is going on here we may be eligible for an emmy.
one of theses days, when i stop bleeding, i’ll tell the tale of what’s going on with his girlfriend, my new bff. he was boinking two other women while he was with her. she’s more pissed than me! and we’re all going for STD tests on monday. the pig didn’t even use condoms…and it gets worse. i am obligated to write about this for my mental health, your shock, horror, amusement and a cautionary tale.
i’ve been so miserable, but i’m writing again, my book is getting very dark indeed. if i can stay awake for after dark on friday, we can discuss,
and now i’m going to blast “die” and wake him up, that snoring sub human.

@Promnight: I’d advise against any ideas about camping out in DC. The district has much improved since the 1980s but local LE, Secret Service and DHS are all going to be on high alert for the 14 days in and around the inaugural. The local cops, in particular, do not share your enthusiasms. In fact, if it weren’t for the pension, they’d probably join ranks with the neo-nazi militias who are organizing around the inaugural. They might not bother moving you along. They might just empty a magazine into you before you can say ‘Kumbayah’ in greeting. Do find a fleabag in Alexandria or Silver Spring, or anyplace along the Metro or MARC train links if you still can.

@CheapBoy: Crackling. I remember crackling. I used to always cut it off the joint, wash it, salt it, leave it to drain, and then roast it by itself. Meanwhile, there is a flock of wild turkey wandering about the woods here looking dazed. The dogs chase them and they fly into the trees.

@baked: Oh dear God. Why does he tell you these things? Why do you have to know?

@Hose Manikin: Plus plenty of mayonnaise.

@Promnight: I always loved DC when I worked there. The Phillips Collection is about my favorite gallery.

@Promnight: I think your best option if you don’t have a room yet is to work out a house trade on Craigslist with a Republican who wants to get the heck out of dodge and spend 4 or 5 days at the jersey shore.

@baked: Good luck at the doctor’s tomorrow. See about getting Rat Bastard neutered while you’re there.

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