Plaxico Fall Down, Go Boom

Giants fan Lili prepares for the kickoff, blissfully unaware that her hero is in serious trouble:

The Giants’ dream season was thrown into turmoil Saturday when Super Bowl star Plaxico Burress accidentally shot himself in the leg at a Manhattan nightclub and linebacker Antonio Pierce tried to hide the gun, police sources said.

Burress is expected to be arrested on felony weapons charges in the coming days, while Pierce’s attorney was in frantic discussions with cops last night to stave off criminal charges, police sources said.

NFL Today just said that, if convicted, Burress faces a mandatory three-and-one-half year sentence. That’s what happens when you fuck with Michael Bloomberg. And, of course, his carry permit is only for Florida and expired last year anyway.

Burress’ latest self-inflicted wound came after he was initially turned away from the LQ nightclub in midtown because he was packing heat, police sources said. Burress, 31, who was sporting flashy jewelry and carrying loads of cash, told club management he needed the gun to protect himself, sources said.

The mercurial Giant was waved inside the crowded Latin-themed club on Lexington Ave. about midnight. He downed several drinks, making already jittery security guards more nervous about his weapon.

Protect himself from what?  I work a couple blocks from that club, and the most dangerous thing is the motorcades that scream in and out of the Waldorf.

As Burress was being led into a VIP area, with a drink in his hand, the gun slipped down his pants leg. He reached for the weapon, but fumbled it and it went off, sources said. The bullet tore through Burress’ already injured right thigh, police said.

Don’t you hate it when that happens?

[Linebacker Antonio] Pierce, 30, rushed to his bleeding teammate and applied pressure to the wound as Burress screamed in pain amid the hip-hop beats piping through the club, sources said. As he worked to slow the bleeding, Pierce berated Burress for bringing a loaded handgun into a club.

Panicking, Burress told his teammate not to call 911 for an ambulance, sources said.

Pierce helped the bloodied receiver out of the club before taking off with the gun and stashing it somewhere in New Jersey, sources said.

Burress was afraid to go to the hospital, but two hours after the shooting, at 2 a.m., his wife, Tiffany, and a friend escorted him to New York-Presbyterian Hospital Weill Cornell. He was treated and released at about 12:45 p.m., sources said.

Shit, maybe he can go play for Dallas when he gets out – they’re less concerned about this sort of thing.  How fucking reckless.

Giants Receiver Plaxico Burress Accidentally Shoots Himself in Thigh [NY Daily News]

Plaxico? And his sister Pfizer? Is he related to Palin?

Anyone think of using a safety or hear of a pancake holster (small of back) or waist holster?

Carrying a loaded gun in your pants makes me wonder if Plaxico might have some drug issues (not that drugs heighten paranoia or anything) and not just a serious case of the stupids.

Oh, well. I guess it could have been worse. He could have shot his balls off instead.

@ManchuCandidate: This isn’t Michael Vick stupid, but it’s pretty fucking close.

I think we may have a winner of the Mike Royko “Gun Owner of the Year” award. Dallas should be a perfect fit for him.

@ManchuCandidate: Had he shot off his balls, this would be worse how?

@Mistress Cynica: I thought headcases always went to the Raiders? Thats the way it was in the good old days, anyway.

@Promnight: I think of Dallas as the team of felons.

BTW, Lili is adorable.

@Promnight: Speculation is that Vick ends up in Dallas as a backup to Romo. A friend and Cowboys fan tells me that Jerry Jones would make a deal with Satan himself to get into the playoffs again.

Excuse me if I have to suddenly puke over Plaxico Burress’ self-inflicted gunshot wound. Wake up, all you rabid NFL fans and sports nuts. The worship of athletic icons and the ready willingness to forgive their indiscretions begins early in our culture. Just as the NFL , MLB, NBA, NHL and others continually react and respond to innovative strategies which prove successful, one might expect that very young men new to the level of fame and wealth they encounter could expect some schooling from their employers and peers. When you first hear of such incidents, you can bet that: 1) They only occur in bars or parking lots of bars. 2) They never occur before midnight or after 5:00 AM. 3) They almost always involve weapons, drugs, or bling.

Which leads us to ask,” Who the fuck did he have to impress?” Plaxico Burress could not possibly have known much about New York State’s stringent gun laws. Or, if he did, as his actions indicate, then he deserves to be treated like any other felon. He had been denied admittance earlier for packing. The fact that he was inside the club with the handgun almost
surely indicates that someone bent the rules for a celebrity. He was later abetted by a teammate, who went along with the ad hoc coverup with some reluctance after what must have been the ultimate humiliation: shooting himself after muffing the attempt to regain control of his own piece, loose in his pants, safety off, illegal as hell. His self-esteem must be awfully low for a Super Bowl star, revered in sports-mad NYC, to tell club officials he needed the handgun because he was carrying large amounts of cash and jewelry. Good, Mr. Burress. Your first name is a better asset than almost any other you possess. However, the results of your expectations of special treatment may well have cost you your career.

@EffeteHipster: “safety off” … I had not thought about that aspect. Dumb and dumber.

He’s usually pretty good on fumble recoveries.

Just guessing, but I bet homes had one in the chamber that would not have come out when he ejected the magazine. Although I’m not familiar with semi-autos (revolver guy here), I believe you have to rack the slide to eject the cartridge in the chamber. That’s why I recommend the double action revolver for new gun owners.

Everyone else has gone shopping, so I’m off the range with the 20 ga, my launcher and a crate of clays, plus the .22 semi-auto rifle, the .22 revolver and the .357 I was shooting yesterday. Laters.

@redmanlaw: In another lifetime I used to shoot clays with a Browning … the serious one, not the Czech-made one.

Looks like the Giants missed their star receiver Plaxico Burress about as much as they missed Tiki Barber and Michael Strahan. Another NFL superstar turns out to be easily replaceable. Seriously, professional football should go ahead and remove the names from players’ uniforms because when one player can’t perform there’s always another one waiting in the wings. See the New England Patriots’ quarterback situation for Exhibit A.

It’s eerily reminiscent of the original movie “Rollerball”. The organizations want to be center stage and the players don’t matter.

@EffeteHipster: So glad I’m not the only one here ranting about sport.

@Benedick: I don’t bother ranting, since American sport is a bemusing subculture to me, equivalent to Project Runway. But I guess I’m obligated to note for the record that the Ducks and Beavers are both in the Top 20 this year, which is the college football equivalent of a black man being elected President.

@Dave H: Favre – find me another. Now if only the Broncos keep getting penalized …

The BCS can go fuck themselves, ranking Oklahoma ahead of Texas. Best example yet that Barack was right that we need a different system.

@nojo: Mr. SFL (a University of California at Eugene Duck like you) was very torn yesterday about the game, as he realized that if Oregon State won, it would destroy U$C’s chances of getting in the Rose Bowl in BCS standings. His distaste for the Corvallis crowd is apparently less than his distaste of the Trojans.

Yes, the mighty Beavs beat the Toejams, which is more than I expect UCLA to do next week. And I appreciate everyone’s consideration in not mocking me for the awful game against Ariz State on Friday.

@Dave H: Steelers knew what they were doing when they let Plex (as he was known in the burgh) go. ‘Tonio Holmes had his little troubles just after signing, learned to keep his nose clean and so far so good. How bout that whup ass they opened up on the Patsies tonight, eh?

Bring it on, Dallas.

Having lived more than half my rather long life in the East and Midwest, my youthful loyalties are almost obliterated. Being a Huskies fan (an apple-cheeked native of Washington) early on, I was humiliated when Michigan would come to Seattle and treat the Huskies varsity as if they were less of a challenge than their own scout team.

Now residing for many years in Bloomington, IN, I take no pleasure in the never-ending opinion that, “The Big Ten is definitely down this year.” This applies in football and basketball, by the way. And right now, Indiana’s programs in both sports are bottom feeders. More later.

By the way, the Ducks and Beavs of bygone days looked up to UW (!)

I heard about this on ESPN this morning. You know it’s bad when Keyshawn Johnson is calling you out for being an idiot and disrespectful of your position in the league.

@ManchuCandidate: If only he’d shot off his balls. That moron needs to be removed from the gene pool.

@SanFranLefty: Amen, sister.

Did Mr. Burris shoot himself with a full metal jacket bullet or an expanding bullet? I could post wound channel research showing photos of gelatin blocks . . .

The secret to clays, for me anyway – let time slow down . . . I’m just learning, trying to teach myself. It’s very sequential.

@redmanlaw: Holy Shit, I think you found FCS a new avatar.

@EffeteHipster: You’re like the third Stinquer from that area of Indiana.

@Jamie Sommers: Keyshawn Johnson was passing judgment? All we need is Pacman Jones and Michael Vick to weigh in.
P.S. Thank you for being there with me for the Longhorn hurt.

@redmanlaw: You must be a real man to tote all that ordnance yourself. I don’t guess there are many bearers or beaters for hire these days, huh?

@redmanlaw: Very quaint. Shooting at pumpkins. Let’s just put it this way. If you know what to do with a chain saw, you don’t need a gun.

@SanFranLefty: Don’t matter, if Florida beats Alabama (IF, ha!) its over for everybody. My favorite home-schooled born again rules!

@EffeteHipster: RML stalks his prey, one on one, and consumes what he eats with reverence for the gifts of the earth. What you at walks down a chute and has a pnuematic hammer punch a hole in its skull.

@EffeteHipster: I have a Toyota truck. Otherwise I’d look look like Nicholas Angel in the climatic gun battle scene in “Hot Fuzz”, or the young hip Asian restaurant owner I met today who had this pistol that looks like the one in “Hellboy”. That dude had a shit load of guns – a .357 Smith and Wesson revolver, a 9mm Sig Sauer, a .380 Walther PPK (like James Bond), a .223 Savage bolt action rifle, the aforementioned Thompson Center pistola, plus one or two others that I may have not seen or gotten to shoot. The gansters had some nice heat, too, including one nice big single action revolver. (There were some gentlemen recently arrived from our neighbors to the south shooting a brand new $1800 Bushmaster AR-15 at the range yesterday.) Had to launch my own clays myself today. A little tricky, but I got the hang of it.

@blogenfreude: And the current Japanese made ones? I think everything I have from the M1903A3s to the Ruger Single Six .22 LR is made in the USA, except for this weird Spanish .22 LR pistol that looks like a Ruger Mk I or Browning Buck Mark but is really a single action. It may be an Astra target model.

@Promnight: /Chest thump with fist and salute, terraist fist bump/ You my boy. Martinis after the dinner wine buzz wears off a bit?

@redmanlaw: I forgot to extend my condolences to you on the loss of your cousin. It must have been a bitter pill in view of the apparent involvement of alcohol, and the irresponsibility of leaving the scene. I hope that justice is done. A slim hope mind you, but
hope nonetheless.

@redmanlaw: I’m drinking a Sterling Napa Cabernet my shop had on sale for $18.99. Its very much a bordeaux style, good to know when I am in the mood for a bordeaux style, but right now, I am wondering if the cigar has thrown my taste off, or what, but I am getting very little fruit, all tannins, puckery, furring my mouth something fierce, flint and cedar and pencil sharpener, nothing to balance it.

You have done a bad thing, you have planted a seed in my mind, now I must have a martini, I have just a bit of Hendricks left from my birthday, and dammit, I am going to make myself one small martini with it, toast with me, my brother.

@EffeteHipster: Thanks, Hipster. I get to go to the driver’s arraignment with the family tomorrow. All the more reason to tip some Sapphire with Prom.

@Promnight: 2006 Viramonte Merlot tonight. Really lively, curranty with just a hint of pepper. Mrs RML though it was on the fruity side. Nice finish and a steal at $9.99. No cigar tonight. The tribal smoke shop I hit yesterday had only cigarettes and the sleaziest damn cigars. Romeo y Julieta and flavored White Owls were the top end there, I’m sorry to say, unlike other another one down the highway where you can get Macanudos, etc.

Pencil sharpener. Harsh, dude. Cigars and wine are just not a good mix in my book. I’d go for a good beer or a whiskey, just about anything from Wild Turkey to a single malt like my fishing buddies and I get down with.

@redmanlaw: RML, any news on the report the tires were flattened before the impact, like he ran a curb or something? Bad shit. I don’t know your philosophy of life, I am fatalistic, bad shit happens. Everyone on earth muddles through the best they can, all of us subject to random tragedy. Causing it, or being the victim of it. Once we decided to make independantly piloted heaps of metal our primary means of transport, we were doomed to have the stupid, the tired, the drunk, the distracted, on occasion become instruments of random tragedy, and the people nearby the victims of random tragedy.

Good people die, bad people live, honest people struggle and flail, fucking evil liars prosper and prevail, the kind and wise are gentle and get tossed around by the world, the cocksure ignorant seize all within reach and gain. We have a system of justice that tries so hard but is made up of fallible people and can only do so much. What is there to offer solace to a loving soul in this world? Nothing but to do good to others. Thats the only thing you can do, do good where and when you can. And worship life and the world and appreciate every single fucking moment. Enjoy every sandwich. Its all so so so beautiful. Sitting here, as I am, imagining I am talking to you, and that you understand me and I understand you, I don’t know really if its true, but I think it is, its a small gift of life, and I am treasuring it, here, with my martini. You and the rest of the stinkers, I am or at least feel closer and more understood than I feel among any other group I find myself in in my real life. And I think I know and understand you, all of you, better than any group of people I have found myself in in my real life. Like minded people find and form tribes, on the internets. A tribe, I don’t bring this up because of your heritage, RML, a tribe is I think the natural social group for humans. Its been lost. Here, I do feel one of something, nowhere else have I ever felt one with a group of people.

RML, I mourn your cousin. I mourn all in need and all the sick and despairing and sad and lonely, right now, this is what my alcohol has done for me, made me feel the sadness of every lost soul, thats not a bad thing, I would rather be a maudlin drunk than an unthinking uncaring selfish bastard.

@redmanlaw: Good luck to you and the family tomorrow. Although what the “luck” is that I’m wishing to you, I’m not quite sure, other than that it’s not too horrible of an experience for all there, and that you all feel that your cousin gets some justice at this initial stage of the process.

@Promnight: You’re a dandy maudlin drunk, and you’re a sensitive guy and would be feeling and empathetic without the gin, too

@EffeteHipster: @Promnight: @redmanlaw:

Just an observation: This exchange is indicative that there is an undeniable appetite for undermining the 2nd amendment among the Obama faithful, even if they are a minority among Stinquers. Which just goes to say that the fears of RML’s neighbors in the local gunshop is not without foundation. That said, I don’t think Obama is the least bit interested in offending gun owners, as he has bigger fish to fry. In any case, he made it perfectly clear that he understood the recent Supreme Court decision was unambiguous on the meaning of the 2nd amendment.

Martinis sound inviting, but I am already committed to my Laphroiag tonight.

@redmanlaw: No man, I love pencil sharpener, remember that smell, cedar and mineral, combine it with leather and cigar box, thats the backbone of a Paulliac, but there needs to be fruit to balance. This may just have been too young.

Arraignment tomorrow, huh? Yuck. Remember the good, remember that the measure of a life is not in years. Remember that if you had a youth like mine, its luck that prevented us from being the wrongdoer here, though its troubling that this dude has a history of arrests, that I do not have. Its easy to stay out of trouble, you have to try to get into it as much as this guy has.

@String Bikini Theory: SBT, Laphroiag is my elixir, I just cannot bring myself to buy it at current prices, back when it was just $35 a bottle, OK, but over $40, I feel guilty, especially since I can drink a half a bottle anytime anyone opens one. I bought the old one once, the 18 year old, fucking heaven. I will overlook your paultardery, as a fellow laphroigian.

@SanFranLefty: You’re right, empathy is my fucking curse. I feel the pain of everyone, when I think, when I am mindful. I feel guilty for what I have. I know that the accident of intelligence does not entitle me. The accident of stupidity should not doom others. Some people are weak, my sister, I have a sister, a pathetic prescription drug addict, her life is all about malingering and exagerating real or imagined illnesses, so long as she gets some oxycontin. She just wasn’tt born strong enough for the world, she was smart enough to want more and too weak to work for it, and she is pathetic. Others would say she is a lazy pathological liar and user and all kinds of evil, I see a person who was born without what it takes, she is weak, born weak, just never had the ammunition we have to fight the world and at least survive. In a tribe there would have been a place for her, something she could do, support, but in our modern society, its sink or swim and she sank.

Same with every poor soul out there. I sometimes think virtue is a luxury of the strong, the strong who have what it takes just cannot understand that there are weak people who just don’t have it.

I am weak, myself, if not for the luck, the accident of the talents I was born with, I would be a tragedy too. Its easier for me, because of what I have, that I did nothing to earn. For those cursed at birth, its so much harder.

Alcohol is not what makes me maudlin, most of the time it keeps me from it, its my escape from the horror of mindfulness. Its also an escape from reponsibility, but hey, what can I do, I am weak too.

RML, I go to bed now, to read something to get my mind out of the world, tragedy, death, injustice, will go to work tomorrow hung over, thanks to you, but glad from thousands of miles away I could feel I was with you, having a conversation. I know you. I know you are strong, wise, kind, just, and merciful, you are a mensch and you will be that tomorrow. If only you keep in touch with the spirit I know you commune with out there in the mountains, I know all you do will be right, and your cousin’s spirit will be honored.

Yeah I remember when Laphroiag was just getting introduced to the American market and you could get it for under $20. That was when I developed my taste for the Islay smoke and iodine. I got this bottle for $37 – I think it was at BevMo. I also have a bottle of the 15 year old, which is too good for me to drink. I keep it around as a test of my will and to continually exercise my sense of discipline and restraint.

Last year on a trip back through a duty free shop in London, I picked up two liters of the quarter cask/ cask strength for 25 British pounds each. At the time that was close to $50 a bottle. But a liter and cask strength… it was a good deal. At the current exchange rate, it has to be a better deal. Maybe Chicago Bureau can pick you up a bottle.

@Promnight: Ohhh Laphroig…good stuff. If you’ve got a Trader Joe’s near you, you can get it for 29.95. You probably already know this, but Lapsang souchong tea provides a nice non-alcoholic alternative. Smoky!

As for Vick and Plaxico, fuck em. One is enormously cruel and the other enormously stupid.

@Promnight: @String Bikini Theory: You gents eloquently remind me of my whirlwind romance and long affair with Laphroiag. I had my first taste at the urging of a publican whose house was situated in Ballachulish, Argyllshire. It worked its 70-proof magic during a magnificent sunset with special visual effects, owing to a heavy fog bank diffusing light throughout the Great Glen. I brought back two 1-litre bottles, which cost me the princely sum of $14. each, I think. Best served neat, in a coordiial glass, and enjoyed respectfully. Much later, the compulsive power of s0ur-mash bourbon spoiled my enjoyment of spirits. These days, the tyranny of medication limits me to the odd pint of Newcastle or an occasional Orvieto, San Gimignano, or Chianti Cassico. It would be an honor, sirs, to share with you one day a fuming bottle of Prosecco chilled to absolute zero. It welcomes conviviality and hilarity, even as it froths its way from liquid to gas as one swallows it.

RML: re your question earlier about semi-auto pistols: yes, the round in the chamber stays there if you drop the magazine, you have to rack the slide to get that last round out.

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