Cornish game hens – the recipe turned out very tasty, but it’s easier to just put lemon and thyme in the cavity and bake them.

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For the record, this is not THE ACTUAL BATMOBILE that we saw at the Lane County Fairgrounds in 1968, forever disappointed that it didn’t SPEW FIRE FROM ITS ARSE.

On the other hand, this model does spew fire from its arse, which, for a cool two hundred large, it damn well better.

So we won’t mind — really! — if you decide to splurge this Dark Black Friday and buy it. And have it delivered. To us. In Sandy Eggo. Because whatever your expense, our childhood closure is priceless.

The Authentic 1966 Batmobile [Hammacher Schlemmer, via Comics Alliance]

Every time we think we’re ready to let go of the Talibunny Turkey Beheading, we just can’t. It’s only been five years, but it’s also been forever — forever in our heart, forever in the idea that some form of this must go back to the Greeks somehow, a sacrifice to Hermes that went horribly wrong, leading to the creation of Hades: a place where the living go to die, only to discover that there is no escape from other Departed Assholes, a Memento Mori that we the living are both Turkey and Executioner.

Or maybe it’s because we just can’t stop giggling at it. There’s also that.

I live two long blocks from Central Park West, where they blow up the balloons for the fucking Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. And every fucking year I am woken up by fucking helicopters turning around over my 74th Street building as they take pretty TV shots of the fucking balloons. But tomorrow there is a chance, oh please please please, that the fucking balloons will not be in the parade because of high winds.

One other problem? All the fucking Park Slope mommies and daddies infesting the Upper West Side right now so their spawn can see the balloons as they are inflated. With their eight-hundred-dollar strollers. Never seen so many Volvos and Saabs in one place in my life.

Let’s hope the winds are too high for the helicopters to even get off the ground – otherwise they’ll go up just to show you the balloons aren’t there.

Okay, let’s face it. It’s been a rough year.

So, maybe not as rough as the year before, and definitely not as bad as 2008-2009, but still pretty rough, all things considered. Overt racism seems to have made a comeback of late, and Boehner and the rest of his jackanapes still arglebargle and caper in the House to the detriment of common decency and good governance. Unemployment hovers around 7 percent, and they decided not to put the pilot for Joe Hill’s Locke and Key on the air, which is holding up the goddam movie.

These, and many, many more things, suck this year. Miley Cyrus sucks. Kanye West is an idiot. Michelle Malkin still has a column, and what the hell is going on with this heathcare website thingie? Get it together, Mr. President, I have to sit through my conservative relatives comparing the ACA to Dachau all weekend because of this. Also, really tired of Louis Gohmert. Reaaaaaaalllly tired. I’d like some fresh wingnuts, please, if I have to deal with wingnuttery at all.

Still, the reason for the holiday, ostensibly, is to give thanks. And as many of us can’t see the forest of gratitude for the trees of student loan debt; unemployment; and discrimination against lady-bits, sodomites, and general brown-ness; I offer here ten gems. Ten reasons to be thankful this turkey season.

You’re welcome. Pass the potatoes.

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Lost Lake Cafe & Lounge:

We recently had to ask a rude customer to leave because of their insistence on wearing and operating Google Glasses inside the restaurant. So for the record, here’s Our Official Policy on Google Glass:

We kindly ask our customers to refrain from wearing and operating Google Glasses inside Lost Lake. We also ask that you not videotape anyone using any other sort of technology. If you do wear your Google Glasses inside, or film or photograph people without their permission, you will be asked to stop, or leave. And if we ask you to leave, for God’s sake, don’t start yelling about your “rights”. Just shut up and get out before you make things worse.

Adam Ott:

You lost my business and probably dozens of my friends will be boycotting your establishment! Learn how the technology works! What if I wanted to take a picture of my food…. Idiots!

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Title: “Miracles and Massacres: True and Untold Stories of the Making of America”

Author: Glenn Beck

Rank: 8

Blurb: “The reason why gun control is so important to government elites can be found in a story about Athens that no one dares teach. Not the city in ancient Greece, but the one in 1946 Tennessee.”

Review: “In his inimitable style, Glenn Beck writes that all the stories can be put into one of three categories: ‘The good guys win; the good guys win, but it takes a while; or the good guys lose because people put their trust into politicians instead of each other.'”

Customers Also Bought: “The United States vs. Santa Claus: The Untold Story of the Actual War on Christmas”

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