You’ll be relieved to know that Sarah Palin does not pal around with meth dealers.

No, not-yet-in-law Sherry Johnston was nailed for distributing Limbaugh-endorsed Oxycontin, first identified in 2001 as “Hillbilly Heroin” for its initial popularity in Appalachia.

Levi’s mom won’t be arraigned until January 6. Her new grandson is expected to drop sometime Saturday.

Johnston’s arrest was oxycontin-related [ADN]

In tonight’s episode of Medical Condition or Woody Allen Movie? comes the explosive discovery that some people habitually sneeze after sex.

In other words: Be careful which Kleenex you use to wipe your nose.

Although the reflex condition is rare in the medical literature, British researchers suspect it’s more prevalent than anyone cares to admit. So they visited some online chatrooms to gather field reports:

This highly unscientific survey identified 17 men and women who reported sneezing immediately after having sexual thoughts and three people who sneezed after orgasm.

That’s right: the mere thought of sex is enough to set off sneezing fits. And when you consider how frequently everyone entertains pestorking fantasies, we’re surprised the entire race doesn’t come down with lethal hiccups.

Sneezing uncontrollably after sex may be more common than realised [Guardian UK]

Suggested Speaker		Offended Group
	John Hagee	Catholics
	Jesse Jackson	Hymies
	Bill Donohue	Gooks

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“It’s hard to tell, hard to imagine what it’s like to go from 100 miles an hour to 5. I’m going to want to build a policy institute at Southern Methodist, probably write a book. And beyond that, I’m open for suggestions.”
— George W. Bush

• Hindenberg Reenactor
• Pretzel Taster
• Crash-Test Dummy

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Good news if you hoarded a dozen Elmo LIve’s and can’t flip them for black-market profit before the bill comes due: Relax! You won’t have to pay for them after all.

The bad news? We’ll all perish next week instead in a massive nuclear holocaust.

That’s the holiday forecast from Leland Freeborn of Utah, known by a few dozen locals and now thousand of L.A. Times readers as the Parowan Prophet.

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To answer everyone’s question, yes, “the Secret Service put everyone who attended President George W. Bush’s Baghdad news conference through several layers of security Sunday.” There were no guns in the room, just shoes. And a very angry reporter.

Make that a very surprised angry reporter. Journalists weren’t told in advance that Maliki’s Secret Santa would be making a guest appearance.

But never mind the details. McClatchy’s story is accompanied by a Fox News clip of the incident, and the crawl is fascinating. We voted here for Vince Vaughn, although “Teen Vampire Drama” was a close second.

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We couldn’t decide which audio to use for our Ultra-Repetitive Shoe-Tossing Video. So we made two.

(If the robocops censor this before morning, just imagine the best video you’ve seen in your life. Otherwise, make do with this one.)