Retirement Suggestions

“It’s hard to tell, hard to imagine what it’s like to go from 100 miles an hour to 5. I’m going to want to build a policy institute at Southern Methodist, probably write a book. And beyond that, I’m open for suggestions.”
— George W. Bush

  • Hindenberg Reenactor
  • Pretzel Taster
  • Crash-Test Dummy

  • Cheney Hunting Buddy
  • Enhanced Interrogation R&D Subject
  • Septic Tank Sailor
  • Dunk Tank Target
  • Soylent Green Condiment
  • Unpardoned Turkey
  • Convicted War Criminal
Bonus Quote of the Day [Political Wire]
50 Comments

High school English teacher.

Oops. America does not torture. Sorry for wasting your time.

Anonymous guy working on the assembly line of a parts factory.

Private in the U.S. Army.

Widowed mother of three in Falluja.

Oh wait….was I supposed to be funny?

Cancer patient with no health insurance.

61 year-old airline mechanic who just (a) got shitcanned and (b) got his pension yoinked from him.

Hence: Wal*Mart greeter.

Retiree who lost their life savings in the Enron bustout?

Desperate Househusband who gets caught banging the gardener.

/TJ/ Sen. Norm Coleman’s challenges up there in Minnesoda are, largely, pure bullshit. One just now had no other marks except for a perfectly-filled in oval for Franken. Painstakingly done, actually. And Norm has withdrawn about 400 challenges, mostly “originally allocated to Franken” thus far. He had a lead of just under 400 overnight.

Not over yet, but if you had to put money on it, (a) always gamble responsibly, set limits, etc. and (b) put it on him… Al Franken.

@chicago bureau:

FSM, I hope you’re right. Franken will spout some comedy-gold quotes in the Senate.

@HillRat: Speaking of which, while I don’t necessarily believe that Ken Lay faked his own death to duck jail time, it would be a smart move for BushCo to take a page from that book if they want to absolutely, positively avoid prosecution for war crimes. I mean, if a spokesman reported that Dick Cheney’s heart finally went, who would really question it?

Original Andrew: BTW, everybody — the Minneapolis Star-Tribune has a live feed to the canvas board, whose clerk has a stupendous Upper Midwest accent, ya.

Meanwhile, a comment from the YouTube page of our shoe-video post:

So much for the shoe idiot. He disrespected his own leaders NOT our dear President George Walker Bush! LOL what a loser. God bless President George Walker Bush. 9/11 Families will miss you greatly. We felt safe under your watch. Let’s see what the president-elect Barrack Hussian (oh yes, NOW you can use Hussian) Obama will do to keep American safe. If I were Obama he better stay alert, does not appear the secret service is sharp enough to protect him. BOOYA!

Technically, 9/11 Families became 9/11 Families under Shrub’s watch.

@nojo: Hussian, is that like a Middle Eastern mercenary?

@mellbell: Correct. They sleep in special tents called barracks.

I think they key element our commenter is missing is that Preznit Bunnypants’s secret service isn’t feeling all that sharp. I suspect they’ve got different guys on Barack “Center Is The New Black” Obama.

@IanJ:

Dude are you totally snowed in?

We got a school/work holiday today–yah hoo!

I saw on the news earlier that they closed the West Seattle Bridge, so it’s a combo of Lost and Swiss Family Robinson here at Casa OA.

Given his obvious class conciousness, Chimpy should work toward establishing a caste system here in the United States. He should do this by volunteering to perform work similar to that of a member of the Bhangi caste in India.

That work is something that fits his skill set very well, the fucktard.

@flippin eck:

Mmmm, hot black guy….

@HillRat:

The thing that sucks most about Bush is that no matter what he’ll never have to go through any of the things that he’s blithely forced others to go through over the years: Poverty, Old Age without succor or dignity, Sickness without access to medicine, or the senseless death of a child….

@mellbell: Somehow I connect that with Valley Forge…

@Tommmcatt Yet Again: There’s always the possibility of the death of a senseless child. Punch my ticket, I’m going straight to hell.

@flippin eck:

Heh. It’s more like us in our pajamas watching The Hudsucker Proxy, my fave Coen bros. flick.

Wow, the snow is really coming down. We’re def not used to this in SEA–the whole region has just stopped, and the po-leece are telling people to stay home. Yes sir, no argument here!

@Mistress Cynica: Girlfriend, I’ll be spooning with you in that feather bed next to the lake of hell.

@Original Andrew:

OMG, Jennifer Jason Leigh is brilliant in that movie….

OA: Totally snowed in, 3″ or so here in North-of-Greenwood. Certainly enough to shut down all but the most die-hard travellers in snow-pansy Seattle (although as I have mentioned elsewhere, we’ve only got a tiny handful of snow plows, which is why we’re so snow-pansy around here).

@Tommmcatt Yet Again:

I know! That was a really complex performance, what with the fast-talking and physical mannerisms. Hudsucker and Georgia are my two favorites of her performances.

@IanJ:

They just shut down I-5 south of Olympia. For once those drama queens at KOMO 4 weren’t kidding!

@Tommmcatt Yet Again: Bush epitomizes the “classless” society.

@Original Andrew: Santa Fe was snowed in a couple of days ago. I’m sure hordes of valiant teens and state workers made it up to the local ski area for a few afternoon runs. I would have given it a shot. I think I just did some BBI administrative tasks at the office (renew bar memberships for 2009, etc) while Mrs RML and Son of RML were cozy in front of the fire at home.

@IanJ: We’re getting our second (or third – I’m losing track) round of snow today, and are expecting more on Sunday. I bought my first set of tire chains today, because if I don’t work, I don’t get paid.I’m sure it’ll only take me and Mr Cyn a couple of hours to put them on. The school districts in this part of Orygun (including Portland) have just given up and said “see ya after Xmas break.”

Miss Cyn, OA: I just gave the weather the finger. The show I’m working on, The Judy Garland Christmas Special, decided to run tonight. So I hopped on the bicycle (equipped with studded snow tires, because I’m a geek) and rolled on down to my workplace, which is conveniently located between home and theater.

I’m about to head out to the theater. We might have a couple of audience members… Either that, or a pre-closing party!

@IanJ, Mistress Cynica, redmanlaw:

We just got back from visiting the neighbors, and no one’s going anywhere. We’re cut off from the outside world, yipes!

Ride and drive safe, and don’ take any chances.

@IanJ:
Judy Garland Christmas Show?

Please do tell more.

@Original Andrew: Considering New Fucking Orleans and Baton Rouge recently received the white stuff, I have come to the conclusion that the apocalypse is nigh. (Besides the general highway to hell that we’re going down anyway.)

PS: It’s 70 something here, only a week after being in the lower 40s during the day, and it’s more humid than Baltimore, D.C. and N.O. combined on a hot July day for some weird reason.

@IanJ: @SanFranLefty: Damn. That would be the ultimate Stinque holiday outing.

I’m waiting for someone to stage Buckley/Vidal.

@nojo:
Ask Benedick to write the script. With lots of bursting into song.

@SanFranLefty: Add drawings by Jack Kirby or Mort Drucker, and you have a classic Mad parody.

@nojo:
And we’ll videotape the show, and put it on YouTube and sell the options to Hollywood and finally make the millions of dollars for us to retire to the CPSS/SSS Molly Ivins and/or the northern New Mexico compound and have daily lectures on fly-fishing, the history of musicals, showtune performances, library science, the economy, and Constitutional Law. Followed by copious drinking and oversharing and squishy boobie hugs.

@mellbell – The conspiracy theorists will go ape shit when Cheney “dies” moments before the indictments are handed down.

@Tommmcatt Yet Again – Very poignant observation and perhaps the root of W’s clueless actions. While he may have some peripheral awareness that there exists a thing called “poverty,” he has no idea about the sense of desperation and hopelessness that poverty forces into a person’s life. If W doesn’t know or understand anything about poverty other than it means you don’t get a new car every two years, are any of his actions that surprising?

I think his first act as a civilian should be:
TAKE A FLYING FUCK AT A ROLLING DOUGHNUT!!!

There. I feel better now. Kurt Vonnegut would approve.

@lentinus:

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Um, something approximating Vonnegut’s asshole sketch.

@nojo:

Don’t let the door hit it on the way out, W!!!

@SanFranLefty: The Judy Garland Christmas Special is a drag show put on by Open Circle Theater, this is the second year they’ve done it. It’s going pretty well.

The concept is that in 1963, weeks after Kennedy was shot, the producers of Judy Garland’s TV show decided to put on a Christmas special. She didn’t show up to the dress rehearsal, and turns out to have been on a bender. The actual show is available on DVD (and we play it — with commentary from “Judy” — as the second half of our show). Our show is the dress rehearsal, and what would have happened if she’d showed up.

Suffice to say that the entire cast (except me) is gay men, with some accomplished drag queens playing Judy and Lorna Luft and Liza Minelli. If you can pass the Facebook Challenge (you have all the hints you need at this point), and send me a message there, I’ve got a bunch of backstage pictures (and a few onstage pictures) up.

If you’re a fan of camp or teh gheys, it’s a show worth seeing, although at this point, there are only two shows left, and I’ll be surprised if they don’t sell out (even with the inch-thick ice coating all the roads). I would not recommend this show to anyone who thinks of Judy Garland as that sweet girl from The Wizard of Oz and wants to keep that image in their head.

@SanFranLefty: Oh, it is pretty awesome. Definitely a fun show.

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