Sounds Of Wailing From The Corner

Don’t forget that he co-founded the Moral Majority with Jerry Falwell, thus starting the process of self-described conservative intellectuals getting into bed with the Jeebus phreak snake handlers.

I wrote a post on him (set to go later) and conclude that few human beings have been more destructive. Sure, he wasn’t a mass murderer, but can you imagine how many lives have ended, or ended early, when the “ideas” guys like Weyrich and Norquist peddle get implemented?

@SanFranLefty: Shorter Weyrich: “Sarah, I am your father.”

blogenfreude: Sorry, dude. I didn’t see your post queued up. We might have been editing at the same time. Apologies.

Of course, this post being the guinea pig for yours, could you manage to edit your post with enough naughty words so that the banner ad for “The Timothy Plan” doesn’t come up? That’s freaking creepy — as if Paul’s reaching out from beyond the grave.

NB: If this lovely ad does not show where you are enjoying Stinque:

The Timothy Plan® is a family of mutual funds offering individuals, like yourself, a biblical choice when it comes to investing. If you are concerned with the moral issues (abortion, pornography, anti-family entertainment, non-married lifestyles, alcohol, tobacco and gambling) that are destroying children and families you have come to the right place. The Timothy Plan® avoids investing in companies that are involved in practices contrary to Judeo-Christian principles. Our goal is to recapture traditional American values. We are America’s first pro-life, pro-family, biblically-based mutual fund group.

The Timothy Plan can blow me. There. I said it.

@chicago bureau: What’s left to invest in anyway? And where is the mutual fund that will allow me to follow my moral conviction of avoiding usury, which the Bible calls an abomination?….oh wait.

flippin eck: Maine Lobstermens’ Mutual Insurance Co. (NASDAQ: AYUH) DOWN $.52 — Timothy Plan divested from the New England commerical insurance powerhouse after rereading Leviticus, according to a release.

@chicago bureau: Meh – don’t worry about it. There’s plenty of bile left to be spilled about that fool.

“Non-married lifestyles?” Oh, I see how this one works.

Studies have shown that “sin” stocks — gambling, liquor — perform better than “virtuous” ones.

@Mistress Cynica and @IanJ:
Miss Cynica is correct, sin stocks (and grocery stocks) almost always do well, especially during recessionary times you still have to drink and smoke and gamble on hitting it big, and to your point, IanJ, this particular mutual fund will not invest in any company that has a non-discrimination clause mentioning gays, or that offers domestic partner benefits. In this day and age, what publicly traded company DOESN’T at the very least have a non-discrimination clause that mentions teh gheyz?

It’s not just the Calvert Fund or the tree-huggers that have social-parameter investment fund. And flippin eck, there actually are Sharia mutual funds that somehow don’t charge usury but make money for the investors. Don’t quite understand how that one works.

Odd, I didn’t expect heaven to have such a sulphurous smell.

@Jesuswalksinidaho: Nice debut. Welcome.

Fine. I will look at the prospecti to satisfy flippin eck and SFL curiosities about who in this age of written policies against discriminating against the gays and Domestic Partner Days is worthy of fundie munnie.

Inspection shows that the top holding of the large/mid-cap value fund is Public Storage. Wait — isn’t that where 90% of American men keep their porn stashes? FAIL. Also: Colgate / Palmolive, Dr Pepper.

Large/mid-cap growth? ExxonMobil. Um…. ok. But, wait a minute! What’s this? A non-discrimination policy? Oh my, this is going to cause quite the kerfuffle:

Nondiscrimination Policy

Any form of discrimination by or toward employees, contractors, suppliers, and customers in any ExxonMobil workplace is strictly prohibited. Our global, zero-tolerance policy applies to all forms of discrimination, including [uh oh] discrimination based on sexual orientation. We have deployed a comprehensive education, training, and stewardship program to ensure this policy is implemented and followed by our employees throughout our worldwide operations.

WON’T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN etc. Obviously, the Timothy Plan will. Sort of. Except when a stock makes money. See?

The Timothy Plan is committed to maintaining portfolios that only contain securities that are not actively contributing to the moral decline of our society. If you believe that one of our holdings is violating any of the following screens, please contact us:

ABORTION
ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES
PORNOGRAPHY
ALCOHOL, TOBACCO & GAMBLING
ANTI‐FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT

To the best of our knowledge, the Timothy Plan is the only fund in existence that takes a ZERO TOLERANCE stand in moral screening!

I just don’t have the heart, or the patience, to call the Timothy Plan out on having the largest component of their growth fund engaging in toleration of those who have the gay. Perhaps some of you, and the hundreds of friends you all have, and the hundreds of friends that they have, may show some interest in writing to the Timothy Plan. A letter sent to 1055 Maitland Center Commons, Maitland FL 32751 might just reach them.

@chicago bureau:
Admit it. You just had more fun researching that little bit than you’re having doing the work you’re really trying not to do two days before a holiday break.

Florida. Doesn’t that just explain everything.

@chicago bureau: *Snake handling* is an alternative lifestyle. Assholes.

SanFranLefty: I had a moderately good day at work today. But when something really boils me, I don’t hold back. A mutual fund that excludes businesses that don’t discriminate against the gays, yet includes major corporations (just as you put it) deserve a little TLC in the fact-checking department.

@Mistress Cynica: Casinos not doing as well this year, perhaps because Vegas relies on travel and disposable income. Every time I almost run a post on that, something else more pressing turns up.

@chicago bureau: Alternative lifestyles, alcohol, gambling — these are bad? I don’t even know what “anti-family entertainment” is. Is that when I want to watch football but my wife and daughters don’t?

Perhaps our brother, rptrcub, can speak to this. But do remember that a significant portion of our wingnut friends live in the southeastern United States, wherein football is somewhat important. Plus, these guys didn’t list “promotion of violence” in their list of no-nos.

But: what if you hide the remote and lie about where it is? I approve, but there is some lying involved. Ah, moral quandries.

@Jesuswalksinidaho:

Hay, welcome dood! Or, uh, Betty, whatever.

Always good to greet the new kids.

@Dodgerblue:
Yes. Or in reverse it’s when all the women in your house gang up on you and insist on watching the multi-part BBC production of “Sense and Sensibility” … your dog is female, too, correct?

@Jesuswalksinidaho:
Oh, and hello to you, sunshine.

Long time lurker, first time commenter?

SanFranLefty: BTW: Paychex is number two on the Timothy Funds large/mid-cap growth fund roster. And they don’t discriminate against the gays either!

Oh God — exposing hypocrites is fun.

[ADD: Ooh, ooh! Loews Companies (No. 3) has it’s grubby little non-discriminatory mitts on a bunch of companies. Loews (the holding company) holds to the federal anti-discrimination language — hence, no gays in the mix. But they own CNA, whose anti-discrimination policy is faaaabulous. Sexual orientation and gender identity. Take that!]

@chicago bureau:
Oh, and BTW, any company that does business with the City and County of San Francisco must provide domestic partner benefits to the same and opposite sex partners of employees.

Oooh, and speaking of the gheyz, my girlfriend Rachel Maddow is going after the Unicorn and Rick Warren. Go girl!

@chicago bureau: S.E. football is a religion in its own right but is tolerated by the ‘nuts as part of the bread and circuses to keep their cults going, and to allow closeted men to get a little bit of some small smattering of satisfaction by seeing burly men tackle one another.

Like with anywhere else, sex is more offensive to them than violence.

@SanFranLefty: I’m not the sports guru here, but I think the Warren pick falls under “unforced error”. Barry could have invited him to some inclusive White House gathering instead, and the grumbling would have been mitigated.