Another Bush Enabler Bites the Dust

Because Jesus was all about the hate crimes, and thought fairness was wrong.

Hahahahaha. Fuck you, Paul! While Satan is fucking you in the ass with flaming barbed wire baseball bats, Obama will be confiscating your grandkids’ money to fund the arson of churches and the funding of Al Qaeda brigades to garrison the North American Caliphate. Hahahahahaha!

Paul just looks like an undertaker.

/TJish/ Coleman now only 70 votes to the good. Franken may hit the target by COB tonight, with hundreds of (by and large) stupid Coleman challenges of Franken votes left to count Friday.

This would have killed Weyrich anyway.

Holy shit, it’s the preacher from Poltergeist 2!!!!!

….or, come to think of it, have you ever seen Fred Phelps and Paul Weyrich at the same time in the same place?

How is ol’ Fred, anyway? Anybody check the outhouse?

Of course only a thorough examination will reveal if it was actually the corpse of Paul Weyrich or this guy from Palm Desert.

God I love mocking the Republican dearly-departed. I haven’t had this much fun since William F. Buckley, Jr. keeled over….

@Tommmcatt Yet Again:
And remember the good times when Jesse Helms and Strom Thurmond shuffled off this mortal coil?

I think I may have to take a week off from work to recover from my excitement when DarthCheney goes headfirst in the proverbial turkey shredder.

DEVELOPING HARD: Coleman +5 at close of play. Franken takes the lead first thing in the morning.

(Delicious thought: Franken would be sworn in by the President of the Senate if he ends up winning. If I have it right, it would be on January 3, 0r 5. Either way, guess who swears in Franken? Yup. Him.)

@chicago bureau: Franken will bite his face.

@chicago bureau, SAW: Franken should go all Krusty the Klown on him and zapthe Cthluhu with a joke buzzer during the hand shake. Could blow out the pacemaker, though. Also: wear big clown shoes.

@FlyingChainSaw: Cheney will shoot him first.

Re: Weyrich – I should have emphasized how important this guy was. He thought this shit up as far back as 1979 and before. Phyllis Schlafly said on NPR that he was the one that basically invented the drive for a conservative theocracy. It cannot be emphasized how dangerous a sociopath this man was.

@chicago bureau: It’s comforting to know that amidst all the turmoil and confusion surrounding the recount that the folks at the Star Tribune are keeping their eyes on the ball:

One Bemidji voter blackened the oval for Franken, but also put an X through the oval and scribbled “Lizard People” on the write-in line. The board ruled twice Wednesday that writing in a person in addition to marking another oval cancels out the vote.

“‘Lizard People’ is not a genuine write-in” because there’s no such person, argued Marc Elias, Franken’s lead recount attorney.

Wait a minute, said Chief Justice Eric Magnuson. “You don’t know that there’s not someone named ‘Lizard People.’ You don’t.”

“You’re right, you don’t know,” chimed in Coleman recount attorney Tony Trimble.

“Isn’t ‘People’ plural? How can you have an individual named ‘People?'” asked Ramsey County District Judge Edward Cleary, a board member.

“I think it’s silly too, but we have to judge on the face of the ballot,” Magnuson said.

“If someone wants to make a statement of some sort, they may not get their vote counted,” Ramsey County Chief District Judge Kathleen Gearin said.

Elias: “If we think it’s just a statement, then I think it’s [a vote for Franken].”

Trimble: “We know that ‘People’ can be a surname. And ‘Lizard’ can be a nickname.”

The board finally sided with Trimble and declared it an overvote, not a vote for Franken.

Well done, guys. Also, Coleman’s attorney sounds like a complete toady.

Speaking of Jeebus Freaks, Bushies activate regs designed to say “FUCK YOU” to the oh-so-selfish ladiez who insist on getting those evil birth control pills or in vitro fertilization or any other medical procedure or prescription that offends the sensibilities of anyone ranging from the doctor to the guy emptying the trash can to the volunteer in the hospital.

FUCKERS

@blogenfreude: Great. Also great to know Satan is pulping his asshole 24/7 now. I only knew of his legend through the AEI association. I can lavish even more loathing and schadenfreude on this monster. Fuck you, Paul! You’re fucking dead and Satan his shredding your fucking asshole! How’s eternal agony feel, shithead? Ha. Haha. Hahahahahahahaha.

@SanFranLefty:

Oh, the LAUGHS!

@mellbell: I’m afraid I’d have to side with the TKO on that one, following our new standard that proper ballot marking is the only constitutional means to disqualify idiots. Cuts both ways, but we have principles to uphold.

@SanFranLefty: Gaaaaaaaaaah!! Mother. Fucker. When are we going to get the regs that say women have an absolute right to health care, not just the services their doctor’s janitor’s conscience dictates? So a rapist has an absolute right to a defense, no matter how the appointed attorney morally views rape, but his victim has no such right to contraceptives that might violate the nurse’s conscience at the only hospital within 50 miles of her location? Nice. So happy to be a woman in America.

@Mistress Cynica:
Yes, what about the conscience of the woman seeking medical care?

Well, if you’re not yet at the liquor cabinet, this might send you there: this one coming to us from allegedly liberal Ann Arbor, Michigan. Apparently the cops there think that if you’re a prostitute and get assaulted that it doesn’t count and you can be mocked in the paper. Twist on the story is that the woman is a 2L at Michigan Law desperate for money after student loans didn’t come in, and the john is a professor at Michigan (not law school).

From the looks of that picture, I’d put the time of death on Mr. Weyrich as 2/10/98.

@SanFranLefty: Nice. Barkeep! Another round!

@SanFranLefty: They won’t let a little thing like a woman’s (McCain airquotes) health (McCain airquotes) get in the way of some good red meat and a final fuck-you.

@rptrcub:
And it’s not just women’s health. If the dude in accounting at the hospital is philosophically opposed to blood transfusions, or chemotherapy treatment for cancer, the hospital has to “accommodate” his conscience or lose all federal funding. How, pray tell, do you “accommodate” that belief?

Or places like Planned Parenthood, which gets some money through Title X to provide family planning services to low-income women, can no longer NOT hire a person who applies for a job with them on the grounds that the person is anti-choice or anti-birth control. Jeebus Freaks/Babeee Savers deluging local clinics with resumes in 3…2..1…

I am not going to be nice. Nice, for me, died first in 2004 in Georgia and 2008 in California. I have no more nice.

FUCKYOUSTUPIDHATEFULREACTIONARYMOTHERFUCKER

and

MAYSATANPAINFULLYSODOMIZEYOUYOUULTIMATEASSHOLE.

Sorry. I still haz a lot of teh Anger after the various personal and national events of the week.

@SanFranLefty: This sooooo is going to federal court. And my understanding is that teh Unicorn can’t change the policy until after so many days have passed?

@SanFranLefty: Bet we’ll hear some screaming when some guy can’t get his Viagra script filled.

@rptrcub: I’m not sure when grave-dancing fell out of fashion, but it’s never too late for a revival.

@rptrcub: You’re right, it will take a while to rescind. Because it’s not an executive order. It’s a new regulation and so HHS will have to go through the same rule-making process that takes months. Congress, however, can pass legislation to block the reg from going into effect.

You know, if some snake-handler wants to not give his kids antibiotics, well okay, you go ahead and kill your children or get them taken away by CPS. But if you are a pharmacist who thinks that prayer can cure my bladder infection, you better not fucking refuse to fill my script for Amoxicillin, or this bitch will cut your moran ass.

However, there’s a Longs or a Walgreen’s every five feet in Ess Eff. This is not a problem that would ever arise for me, knock wood (though I would enjoy ripping a new asshole of someone who did that to me).

Who does this screw over? It slams people in rural areas where the only pharmacist or doc for miles around is at the Sprawl-Mart.

@Mistress Cynica:
Viagra is the reason that about 15 states passed “prescription equity” bills that mandated that insurance companies that cover any prescription drugs must equally cover birth control pills. Believe it or not, Viagra was the best thing to ever happen to the pro-choice movement when it came on the market a decade ago, and insurance companies were covering Viagra but refusing to cover the Pill because the Pill “isn’t for a medical condition.”

@SanFranLefty: Hundreds of them, thousands of them, applying to family planning clinics, shrieking about fucking jesus, armed with 100s of lawyers from fascists cults ready to drive suits to the supreme court to defend their rights to destroy the lives of millions of poor, starving women. Ha. Haha. Hahahahahahaha. The ultrarightist snakehandler faction, bankrolled by the fascist industrialists who want to dismember the US will stop at nothing. Finally, they’ll plant millions of their monsters in hospitals admissions offices and no one will be seen until they confess to fucking jesus as their lord and savior and swear their allegiance to the GOP, the party of fucking jesus. The RNC will fund suicide bomber programs to take out hospitals that flinch in surrendering immediately to snakehander demands to consolidate the fanatical base and hold on until 2012 when the Talibunny can lead a campaign based on a white power theocratic platform and militia brigades of tens of millions of fanatical end timers. Ha. Haha. Hahahahahahaha.

@FlyingChainSaw:

Garcon! Un autre boisson, s’il vous plait!

@SanFranLefty: That’s ” si vous plais!”

@FlyingChainSaw:
Yah yah yah. Realized it after the window for editing ended. Spanish is my second language, then some very rough Dutch, Italian, German, and Norwegian. French is like seventh in languages I can struggle through.

No matter how you spell it, your message makes me want to get another drink.

@SanFranLefty: Then president Palin will outlaw liquor and the Adkisson Brigades, since having replaced state police, will perform house to house searches to remove offending alcoholic beverages and, of course, entertain themselves however they will with the occupants. By 2013 crack squads of armed decertified liquor distributors and killer queers will join forces and be reportedly locked in open fire fights with the Adkisson Brigades and, in some locales, joined by NeoNazi pagan militia that Palin will have outlawed for failure to surrender to jesus.

FlyingChainSaw & SanFranLefty: Both of you are doing French wrong. Si vous plait. For the record: s’il vous plait would translate to “if he you please.”

Never ever screw with a closet Canadian. You will lose. Kthx.

[Backtrack: review of online French-English dictionaries have the definitive ruling. S’il vous plait wins. As does SanFranLefty. I lose. Some may think that what I have said is offensive. I apologize if anyone was offended.]

I thought she was telling me to have another. As in, havanatha beer, you drunk person.

Fucking Frog lovers, all of you. And besides, everyone’s forgetting the circumflex, you lazy bastards.

@chicago bureau: Hey, I pointed out it could have been ‘si vous plait’ not ‘s’il vous plait’ which would be ‘if you want’ – implying, hey, raving shithead, go have another beer.

I am offended all the time by most everything but nothing as much as Rick Warren.

@nojo: Lefty started it. She picks on me all the time. She gets shitfaced and calls me at the house in the middle of the night singing the Marseillais in a baritone to try to disguise her voice but I know its her when her voice cracks.

@FlyingChainSaw: You’re just angry I called you out for singing Non, je ne regrette rien on my answering machine.

nojo: Take pity. It’s going to snow in Chicago! OMG! OMG! OMG!

The CBS outlet here is into full SNOW CRISIS mode, starting the morning show at 0400 Chicago Slush War Time. Because, of course, it never snows in Chicago in December.

@nojo: I hate you!

Notable in re snow: it is an actual, honest-to-God problem here. The City of Chicago (Richard M. Daley, Mayor) decided to cut back on side-street plowing and snowplow overtime in order to save munnie. It’s been thirty years since we shitcanned a mayor for not plowing the streets. R.M.D., M. wants to test his luck.

(Of course, he isn’t facing the voters for another three years. That and he has, um, several city employees which may, perhaps, campaign for him in 2011.)

@chicago bureau: I can’t stand the weather panic of the past 10 years. When I was a boy and Jesus walked the earth, eating pussy and passing out free wine, anything less than a foot of snow was just considered a scenic dusting. Weather men and weather ladies who go fucking nuts over a little snow need to be subjected to massive gnoogies.

@FlyingChainSaw: I believe it’s spelled “noogies” and I don’t understand snow panic in Chicago. D.C., yes, Houston, yes; and I’ll even give you Seattle. But snow happens all the time in Chicago.

And I was ordering another drink for ME, not you!

SanFranLefty: Well, it’s all about shock value and ratings, as usual. My doppler’s bigger than your doppler. Etc.

It’s just silly. Local teevee stations love to show each other up on meaningless — OH SHIT! FLURRIES!

[runs to closet and supply of emergency rations of whiskey, smokes, etc.]

breaking – Deep Throat has died.

@redmanlaw: What? I seem to still be alive.

Bum, bum, bum, bum.

BREAKING HARD: THE SNOW HAS STARTED! THE SNOW HAS STARTED! SNOW IN CHICAGO! THE END IS NIGH!

homofascist: George W. Bush, December 23 sitdown with Katie Couric:

Nobody could have anticipated the plowing-in of driveways.

[ADD: R.M.D., M., at Streets & San press conference:

It’s time for us to rebuild a Chicago, the one that should be a vanilla Chicago, with chocolate chips. And a mocha swirl. You hear that, Luis! I got you in there! Where’s my endorsement?]

[ADD #2: No snowplows yet. Poor. Where’s my phone book? I need to call my alder because oh yeah that’s right she’s going to get re-elected anyway so what does it matter.]

@chicago bureau: You’ve haven’t seen weather panic until you’ve seen Oklahoma stations do it. On the nightly “news,” 10 minutes is devoted to sports, 8 to weather, and whatever’s left after commercials to sensational story of the day — which, in winter and spring, is frequently the weather. Of course, tornado season is when they really come into their own, but winter storms get them going too, especially the coveted ice storm during November sweeps. The weathermen are the “stars” and the highest paid employees at the local stations.

@chicago bureau: Your street will get plowed. Mine won’t be for 2 days.

@chicago bureau: Aren’t you supposed to pay your alderma’am to get something done? That’s how my Chicago friends explained things to me: The city does work, but you need to grease it.

nojo: Wouldn’t do any good. There are about 50 guys with money and blank contracts lined up at her door before I even think about rolling out of bed. I like to sleep.

And homofascist is right. The plow just rolled by. (Why I am up to witness it is anybody’s guess.) Three bus lines (two expresses to downtown) roll by my villa, so keeping it clear would probably be a good idea.

@chicago bureau: Now you’re bringing back bad memories of Mountain Living, high above San Bernardino (and the smog line).

The county snowplows were quick on the job in Our Little San Andreas Faultline Village, but if they came by at 11 p.m., you had to be out shoveling by 11:03 — or else all that snow now packed at the edge of your driveway would freeze into an impermeable glacier by morning.

@homofascist: And y’all thought Southerners got histrionic about it. Except there’s good reason: people know not to speed in snow; they’re just arrogant enough to keep on speeding. What they need to put on infinite repeat down here on all traffic message boards, the teevee and the radio is DO NOT FUCKING SPEED and SLOW DOWN MOTHERFUCKER. I’M TALKING TO YOU, ENTITLED DOUCHE/DOUCHETTE IN THE BEEMER.

Ice storms to me are far more insidious.

@rptrcub:
How about rain? I clearly remember elementary school being canceled as a kid in Texas due to thunderstorms. Talk about freaking out. Then again, you don’t want to fuck around with the flash floods that spring up all over the place.

@SanFranLefty: Thunderstorms??? Are you kidding me?

@chicago bureau: Phhfft. It was a huge let-down to see just a few piddly inches on the ground this morning. But among all of the crazy stories of Chicago politics, I absolutely fucking love the story of Jane Byrne as the total dark horse becoming the city’s first female mayor thanks to mismanaged snow removal by Bilandic. She may not have been a great mayor, but she did initiate Chicago’s handgun ban and she lived in Cabrini-Green for awhile too. Plus, she split the ticket with Daley Jr. in 83 to allow Harold Washington to become mayor. Oh, and she’s still the only woman to serve as mayor of a U.S. city as large as Chicago. And as an added bonus, Wikipedia informs me that she shares my birthday! I’m still kicking myself that I didn’t give into impulse a buy a little ceramic desk sign that said “Jane Byrne, Mayor” that I saw once at Broadway Antiques…it’s gone now.