During our Summer Vacation! from blogging, we’ve been trying to nail down what annoys the shit out of us about American politics.

The proximate cause was the situation we found ourself in at the end of Spring: With the Republican nomination decided, the Usual Suspects were saying the Usual Things, and after four years, we had exhausted our Usual Responses to them. It had all become Kabuki theater. Or endless reruns.

Also, there’s not much to say about Mitt’s Lies, except that Mitt is an Interminable Liar. Ideologues are a lot more fun. Ideologues seriously propose American statehood for Moon bases.

But it wasn’t until listening to Dana Gould’s latest podcast — Gould is best known as a former Simpsons writer — that we heard the specific reason for our Summer of Discontent:

“Politics is professional wrestling with ties.”

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Aside from — well, everything else, we must admit enjoying this scene between Daniel Craig and some amateur doing a decent impression of Helen Mirren. Certainly beats a platoon of Willy Wonkas emerging from a pit of Hades to illustrate the Industrial Revolution.

So it’s a few minutes before 9, and we’re at Stinque World Domination Headquarters, getting ready to walk the hundred feet up our hillock to catch the annual Fantabulous Sandy Eggo Fireworks Spectacular, where we can see all four synchronized displays at once, when there’s this Huge Fucking Rumble. We’re also across the freeway from the airport, and while occasionally a jet engine cuts through the still of night, it’s a bit odd.

We reach the top of the hill, where the usual crowd has gathered. Someone has a radio tuned to the synchronized music, which begins, as always, promptly at 9, and…

Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

What we missed was the entire fucking Fantabulous Sandy Eggo Fireworks Spectacular going off at once. And, from a location similar to ours, it looked like this.

Fireworks Shot Off Early in Bay [NBC San Diego]

Our guest columnist makes up in gall what he lacks in caffeine.

Friend,

As we gather to enjoy food and fireworks today, let us also take a moment to pay tribute to the patriots who signed the Declaration of Independence — and the brave men and women who have fought to protect our freedoms through every generation that has followed.

I’m incredibly grateful to be an American. And from now until November, my campaign will carry this simple but deeply patriotic message: America’s greatest days are still ahead.

Happy Fourth of July to you and your family.

Thanks,

Mitt Romney

P.S. Show us how you honor our most patriotic holiday. Download the With Mitt iPhone app here and tag your July 4th photos with #WithMitt and we’ll feature them on our site.

[via email]

Our guest columnist is desperately whipping up a batch of lemonade.

Friend,

Today, the Supreme Court upheld Obamacare. But regardless of what the Court said about the constitutionality of the law, Obamacare is bad medicine, it is bad policy, and when I’m President, the bad news of Obamacare will be over.

It was always a liberal pipedream that a 2,700 page, multi-trillion-dollar Federal Government takeover of our health care system actually could address the very serious problems we face with health care. With Obamacare fully installed, government will reach fully half of the economy – that is the recipe for a struggling economy and declining prosperity.

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Who the fuck votes for county judge?

Gary Kreep Says His ‘Birther’ Positions Do Not Relate To Being A Judge [KPBS]

Well, that only took two-and-a-half hours…

Server upgrades are not fun. And to make sure everybody Felt Our Pain, we tweeted the entire process. What? You weren’t paying attention? No matter. Here, let us rub your nose in it.

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