We’re planning on installing a server upgrade today — always a moment of Unalloyed Joy at Stinque World Domination Headquarters — so everything will be going Straight to Hell while we’re in the midst of it. And when we’re done, you’ll have no fucking clue why we went to the trouble, since everything will seem the same as it ever was.

[via Know Your Meme]

When you boil it down, we remember Ray Bradbury for one moment, and it’s not from Fahrenheit 451. In The Martian Chronicles — a collection of stories around a common theme — two travelers, a human and a Martian, meet one night on a mountain pass. As they look to the valley below, they see a vast Martian city.

Only they see it differently. The Martian sees a thriving metropolis, full of lights and noise and life. The human sees ancient ruins.

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Our guest columnist only serves Diet Coke.

Friend,

There’s no better way to kick off the beginning of summer than a road trip across our beautiful country. And who better to hit the road with than supporters.

That’s why I’m saving two seats on the bus for supporters like you.

The campaign bus is warming up to hit the campaign trail soon. Want to have a chance to join us?

Donate $5 today to be automatically entered for the chance to join me for a day on the road.

Hope to see you soon,

Mitt Romney

[via email]

The fine people of the Shell oil company held a private reception at the Space Needle to celebrate the voyage of two new Arctic rigs. As part of the festivities, a mini-rig was designed to pour generous libations for the guests.

At which point a Just and Merciful God decided to fuck with them.

[via Daring Fireball]

Update:

This smelled kinda like oil-soaked fish to us (and a lot of the internet), so I called Shell, and a spokesperson told me in no uncertain terms “I can confirm that this was not a Shell event.”

Grist’s guess: The Yes Men are back, baby!

Fakey McFakerson: Mini oil rig causes massive booze spill at Shell execs’ party [Grist]

All that time you spent trying to follow the plot? Here’s your reward.

[via Kottke]

President Reagan died on June 5, 2004. Let’s win one for the Gipper!

— Scott Walker (@ScottKWalker) June 5, 2012