Parties We Missed

They’re Called “Democrats”…

Left Behind.“The author imagines a Centrist Party which attempts to win a few as four or five seats in the U.S. Senate, enough to deny either traditional party a majority. At that point, he says the Centrists would be the powerbrokers in DC. giving voice to those who fall in the ideological middle.” [Political Wire]

The More You Didn’t Want to Know

Some day, far in the future, Minnesota high school civics students are going to stumble across a transcript from their state legislature, and learn an important Life Lesson.

[via TPM]

Now You Tell Us

Party like it's the last five years.

[Politico]

It’s Hard to Find Good Help These Days…

“Arpaio wants his army of 3,000 volunteer posse members to look like sworn deputies and sometimes perform the same duties. But an in-depth project by CBS 5 Investigates uncovered a number of posse members with arrests for assault, drug possession, domestic violence, sex crimes against children, disorderly conduct, impersonating an officer — and the list goes on.” [CBS Phoenix, via jwmcsame]

Nukefinger Invades Fort Knox of Uranium

So there’s this facility known as the “Y-12 National Security Complex” in Oak Ridge, Tennessee, which “maintains the safety, security and effectiveness of the U.S. nuclear weapons stockpile”. We know this because they say so, on the same page where they show a handsome soldier vigilantly guarding our nukes.

Not shown: The hole in the fence.

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Black Eagle Has Landed

Four years ago, the drama and tension at the Democratic convention was palpable: Not just whether Hillary and Barry would kiss and make up, not even whether Teddy would survive the flight to Denver — but whether Barack Obama would pull off The Big Speech.

And, for that matter, whether the weather would let him.

Everything was at stake that Thursday night: The stage columns may have been a tad much, but Obama had to fill an imaginative void in the American mind, the void where President Black Man would go, and not just one from the movies or Allstate commercials. You couldn’t know that within three years, he would be strolling up an ornate hallway to tell us that Bin Laden was sleeping with the fishes.

And this time? Hey, he can phone it in.

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Bubba Strikes Back

We don’t recall when “wonk” entered polite discourse, but if we had to place a No-Google bar bet on it, we’d date it from 1992. Sax and Cookies may have captured the popular imagination, but we still remember the stories after Clinton chose Gore: two policy geeks infatuated with each other on the campaign bus, challenging each other with their mastery of mind-numbing detail. You still see it when Clinton makes a casual appearance on, say, the Daily Show: America’s Dude just can’t help himself.

Clinton’s so good at talking, he makes you forget the blowjob. And, thanks to the example of his successor, the blowjob is barely a, um, stain on his reputation. That’s now the good old days, when we had nothing worse to worry about.

Which is why Bill Clinton can give a prime-time address tonight and nobody will snicker. And why our DNC Open Thread/Open Wide won’t be nearly as fun as it could be in a better world.