As you probably know by now, you can get arrested in Arizona for wearing the wrong shoes without a license. All it takes is an unspecified “reasonable suspicion” by a cop that you’re not from around these parts, followed by a demand that you show your papers.

But not just any papers. The new law is very explicit about what will keep you out of the hoosegow:

A PERSON IS PRESUMED TO NOT BE AN ALIEN WHO IS UNLAWFULLY PRESENT IN THE UNITED STATES IF THE PERSON PROVIDES TO THE LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER OR AGENCY ANY OF THE FOLLOWING:

1.  A VALID ARIZONA DRIVER LICENSE.

2.  A VALID ARIZONA NONOPERATING IDENTIFICATION LICENSE.

3.  A VALID TRIBAL ENROLLMENT CARD OR OTHER FORM OF TRIBAL IDENTIFICATION.

4.  IF THE ENTITY REQUIRES PROOF OF LEGAL PRESENCE IN THE UNITED STATES BEFORE ISSUANCE, ANY VALID UNITED STATES FEDERAL, STATE OR LOCAL GOVERNMENT ISSUED IDENTIFICATION.

Not included: Passports. You folks from overseas might want to scratch the Grand Canyon from your vacation plans.

SENATE BILL 1070 [Arizona Legislature]

The Chicken Meme kicks into high gear:

This site makes no guarantees regarding the correct number of chickens for your procedure. Chicken count is an estimate only based on current market value of typical live chickens and average costs of medical procedures gathered from multiple sources. Your doctor may require more chickens than specified. For your convenience, we recommend bringing at least 20% more chickens than specified to any doctor’s appointment.

We would applaud their fine work, but we’re insanely jealous, so we hate-hate-hate them for doing it first, and doing it well.

Lowden Plan Medical Chicken Calculator [via TPM]

Archie Comics announced Thursday that in an issue out September 1, the long-running comic will introduce its first “openly gay” character, Kevin Keller.  The strapping blond will defeat Jughead in a burger eating contest, win the affection of Veronica and wrestle over how to gently rebuff her flirtations.

AP

“Republicans are stepping up their criticism of the Securities and Exchange Commission following reports that senior agency staffers spent hours surfing pornographic websites on government-issued computers while they were supposed to be policing the nation’s financial system.” Um, during whose Administration? [AP/Yahoo]

Wired, 4:17 p.m. Thursday:

Readers of Richard Clarke’s new book Cyberwar who want to jump to the steamy parts should start at page 64…

Chinese hackers take down the Pentagon’s classified and unclassified networks, trigger explosions at oil refineries, release chlorine gas from chemical plants, disable air traffic control, cause trains to crash into each other, delete all data — including offsite backups — held by the federal reserve and major banks, then plunge the country into darkness by taking down the power grid from coast-to-coast. Thousands die immediately. Cities run out of food, ATMs shut down, looters take to the streets.

Wired, three hours earlier:

On Thursday, Coles, an Australian supermarket chain, said 1,100 checkout terminals crashed… so it temporarily closed several stores in that country. An Intel spokesman in California acknowledged the problem at its headquarters was “significant.” Kentucky State Police lost use of their their entire IT infrastructure, and hospitals in Rhode Island postponed elective surgeries.

Russian mafia hackers? Chinese cyberterrorists? Skynet?

No, silly. Botched automated antivirus-software update. It’s easier to break in when you leave the door open.

Stephen Baldwin—the least Baldwin of all the Baldwins—is bankrupt and talentless. Luckily, he came up with a plan to make money that requires no talent or work: It is a website called restorestephenbaldwin.org. Let’s make a donation! [Gawker]

15,000 plus attend the International Cannabis and Hemp Expo at the Cow Palace [home of many a great Dead show, as Messrs. SFL, baked & Cynica could tell you ad nauseum] in Ess Eff to discuss hydroponics, portable grow-trailers, medical marijuana, and the proposal to raise $2 billion/year by legalizing the green weed by voter initiative.

Around 10,000 attend Orly-free Tax Day Teabagger gathering in Pleasanton at government-owned fairgrounds to hear Carly Fiorina and the Teabagger Rapper bitch about the Socialist Kenyan Mooslem.

Score 1 for the Stoners.

/exhale